Requiem for the Fat Man

Not with a bang but a whimper. — T.S. Eliot

The Big Baby Kenny Ng has been knocked off the airwaves, and we are hopeful that the cause was his own guilty conscience.  He should find solace in the fact that he joins a long list of personalities who for a brief moment illuminated the world with their insights into the brothel districts of Thailand by lighting a candle rather than curse the darkness:

• Bernard Trink
• Dean Barrett
• Werewolf
• Baron Bonk

Murati Shrine, Courtesy of BigBabyKenny.com

UPDATE

Sadly for the students and taxpayers of Califronia, as well as the citizens of the Kingdom of Thailand, the BBK disaster has returned to the airwaves. It is likely that the Fat Man tripped over the webserver power cord, or spilled some beer all over a particularly important piece of system hardware, or hit the wrong key on his keyboard with his Mongoloidal ham-fists. Saphan Loy will endeavor to keep you informed should anything even more egregious result from that depraved part of the United States.

The View from Above

Pussy Magic Flower: Roaches, Ladyboys, and the GFE on Khaosan

For those of you following everyone’s favourite economics professor, this may come as a shock. His alternative blog, formerly bigbabykennethng.wordpress.com has been removed for a Terms of Service violation. Now, truth be known, it was clear that this particular blog wasn’t really our cherished Professor Ng’s work. Professor Sexpants probably got a sore ass from having his identity replicated by someone with a clear agenda, one that included calling attention to his actual and degrading writings of yesteryear. For Ng to complain to the folks at WordPress because someone stole his identity is a real riot, given the fact that he has engaged in that strategy on his site bigbabykenny.com for a very long time. Whatever the truth, what goes around…you know the rest.

Like clockwork, the Stick has presented his annual homage to the ladyboys. They were due for their plugging, and plug them he did. And good for them. Their nasty stories were compelling evidence that the great majority of sex tourists in Bangkok have likely encountered a ladyboy, and have, in turn, been penetrated. This is not a surprise. Saphan Loy would venture a guess that ladyboys now account for the majority of sex workers in the bars. If you don’t believe it, then your own form of self-delusion is more potent than a tall bottle of Chang beer.

A plague of cockroaches! That’s exactly what the Stick encountered on his way to interview a few snaggle-toothed escorts for his latest and greatest. He reported that shortly after his cheaply constructed condominium was nearly demolished by a rainfall, the Stick went out into a sea of dirty water to bring us a feeble interview with Isan’s poster-girls of bad dentition. Like Indiana Jones, he became covered in cockroaches while standing in floodwaters in the red light district. Ho hum. Were the Stickman more resourceful, he might have handed over the roaches to the insect vendors for a tidy little profit. Ultimately, though, I think that the rainfall, the roaches, the shitty flood water, and the mediocre interview with the call girls have all the hallmarks of a bad Biblical prophecy. Had it happened to Saphan Loy, we would have taken it as a sign from God that our work in the impoverished red light districts of Thailand should come to a merciful end, and that we should make a full confession to our parish priest, or the abbot of the local temple, and issue an apology to our readers.

Over at the Big Mango Bar blog, this recent post nearly forced our analytical skills into overdrive. Was it legitimate? Was it written by a woman, or, worse, Professor Sexpat Ng? Was someone trying to take the piss, as our British friends like to say? Clearly, the writer suffers from a subcranial deficiency of some kind. One of the most repellent paragraphs from the whole train wreck of a story is the following:

We take a taxi to Khaosan Road — we start cuddling in the taxi and she steers my hand down to her pussy so I can finger her (covered by her purse) — I consider if I should take her to a bathroom when we arrive at Khaosan Road and fuck her, as I’m pretty turned on, but wasn’t sure how she’d like that, so I hold myself back and instead we get a roti with banana and chocolate sauce and a beer at a bar.

What in Christ’s name was this man thinking? Checking her oil in the taxi, then going for a roti on Khaosan Road? How romantic. And how completely unhygienic. Saphan Loy would only travel to Khaosan for one of two reasons: sudden and irreversible poverty, or a desire to bone a sweaty European backpacker chick with hairy legs and armpits (just to change things up a bit). But hell, if I wanted to discharge some protozoans into a pasty, idealistic young hippy chick with hairy legs, I would simply enroll in an economics course over at California State University at Northridge.

The View from Above

The Year in Review: A New Year Ahead. Observations, Predictions.

What a sordid year it was. As we get ready to ring in the new year, Thai style with a bottle of lukewarm Singha, let’s recall some major low-lights from the year past, and look ahead to what the new year holds in store. The past year witnessed some atrocities, as usual, in the Thai redlight blogosphere. Very few gems were to be found in the roughage that comprises the palsied prose and tortured syntax of the blog-heads. In addition, we have seen that some scribblers have decided to bow out of the online scene altogether. A few comments follow. Parental discretion is advised.

Stickman Bangkok

Let’s start with the biggest and the brightest of the online luminaries, Stickman Bangkok. After teasing his audience throughout the year with hand-wringing and indecision regarding his future, he has decided, not surprisingly, to stay put in the red-light districts of Thailand, which have come to define him. His photography has devolved, and his favourite subjects still seem to be poor children and bargirls. While he unashamedly takes cold (hard) ladyboy cash, and the filthy lucre of brothels as advertising revenue, he still insists that he doesn’t partake, and that he is stupefied by changes in the country. Saphan Loy believes this is the most interesting part of his website, though he doesn’t intend it as such. He is constantly flummoxed by Thailand’s changing demographics and the demographics of the sex tourist population in general. What does the new year hold in store for the poster boy of sex tourism himself? Likely, he will find himself stuck in Thailand, a “lifer”, ping-ponging from bar to bar like some character in a Greek tragedy. Always tantalized by the offerings, but never partaking, we predict he will end up much like Dean Barrett.

One day in the new year, he will break down, step into Bar Bar or Demonia, and be offered a sound lashing from a Thai rice farmer’s daughter who will then insert an uncomfortably large sex toy into his rectum while he barks like a soi dog. Stickman will consent enthusiastically, and find it so pleasurable that he will dedicate himself to BDSM for the remainder of his natural life, never sitting comfortably again. From there, he will slip down the slippery slope and avail himself of the services of a small group of ladyboy escorts, who will treat him like a schoolgirl in the comfort of his Bangkok highrise.

Big Baby Kenny Ng

This year marked the departure from the serious blogosphere of Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng out in California. He has clearly given up the ghost, allowing the only active thread to be overwritten by the criminally insane. His brand of lunacy will be turned off in the new year, and he will likely be joining the swelling ranks of American unemployed academics, scratching out a living by tutoring semi-retarded children. But not to fear. There are plenty of openings at TEFL International, and perhaps the clown-in-chief there can teach him a thing or two about the Thais.

As of this writing, however, it appears the Ng has just published another word-fart about a cheap buffet in Bangkok. He is clearly celebrating his holiday in Bangkok, courtesy of the moronic California taxpayer, who is so immobilized by political correctness that he (or she) cannot stand up in the face of basic humanitarian atrocities.

The Chinese love all you can eat buffets. They pile their plates full of crappy fried food and rejoice in the low cost of eating it, then pass it through their intestines, then clog up the plumbing, much to the horror of the chambermaids at the cheap flophouse he calls home in the city of angels. Saphan Loy predicts that Ng’s cheap Bangkok buffets will soon turn into long lines at his local soup kitchen.

Big Baby Kenny will soon join the long lines at the soup kitchen.

Mobithailand

Our friend Mobi has been busy and, mercifully, staying sober. He has interestingly decided to post photos of his paramour, Noo, who is quite lovely indeed. We wish Mobi the best in the new year. He has been one of the few stalwarts among the blog-heads, always posting honestly and without artifice. Mobi consistently proves that a dotage spent in Thailand can be tempting, relaxing, and enjoyable all at the same time. We hope he avoids temptation of the spiritual kind, and continues to post about the darkside and all the darkies that can be found there.

The Redlight Scribblers (and Painter)

Stephen Blather et al., including the abominable Chris Coles, will likely continue to type unreadable prose, and render unspeakably offensive arts and crafts that assault the senses (unless those senses happen to be dulled by the local lager and barbiturates.) Look for hefty additions to the pulp-making machine, or network-clogging ”e-books” that appeal to the inpatients at your local veteran’s home. Also in the coming new year, perhaps Coles will finally sell a neon bargirl to the half-blind, or the blind-drunk, who would like a painting to install above the commode. Or, better yet, perhaps the new year will inspire Coles to retire from his paint-making efforts, hang up his smock, and, instead, take up semi-permanent residence on a barstool on Patpong, administered to by a snaggle-toothed ladyboy.

Jimmy Smithers

So, what of that lady(boy’s) man, Jimmy Smithers? He has exciting plans for the new year. He is currently in negotiations with a major motion picture studio for the rights to his personal stories. He also has a new line of merchandise planned, including coffee mugs, tee-shirts and insulated beer holders. He is hard at work on his e-book, and is scanning his local classified sections for shemales, transvestites and ladyboys. Because he was recently fired, it is unlikely that a Bangkok trip is in the cards for the new year. Look for further depravity to escape from his keyboard, prolonged struggles with alcohol and sinus medication, and lurid accounts of his masturbation habits. He may even develop adult-onset diabetes, or have what he calls a “crap-attack” at an inopportune moment (like a job interview.) We predict great things for Jimmy Smithers. He’s one to keep your eye on. You know, by covering your other eye with your hand when the room is spinning, or you can’t navigate the Bangkok sidewalks after consuming too much Mekong Whiskey.

At any rate, Saphan Loy wishes you the best of the holidays, and a happy new year. As long as sex tourists are willing to jot down their half-formed ideas, their tawdry hopes and dreams, and their sinful encounters with third world prostitutes, we will be there. And despite all our plights and gripes, we still give them credit for trying. After all, an internet absent of their presence would be a boring place indeed.

The View from Above

Dean Barrett’s Retirement: Whips, Chains, and a Spanking

Stick reported last week that Dean Barrett, Saphan Loy’s favourite pulp fiction typist, has retired to a life of kinky abandon in Thailand where he has retreated to Demonia and Bar Bar for regular spankings and assorted torturous pleasures. And foot fetish nights. We find it hard to fathom: I mean, when he sits down to read his latest copy of AARP magazine, is his ass sore from the bullock-whip? For Saphan Loy’s international readers, the AARP is the American Association of Retired Persons, and they send a nice magazine every month to remind you that you are now an old man with erectile dysfunction. It therefore provides lots of editorial space to advertise Viagra products. These ads show men driving old convertibles, wind whipping through their toupees, a sated old bag seated next to them with a big toothy grin on her dentures. These kinds of ads are coy. Why don’t they simply show a rock hard erection thrusting pneumatic-like into a gaping Asian gash in some hell hole of the developing world? In fact, were it not for the advertising support of Viagra, it is likely that the AARP magazine would quietly fold, its elderly staff of crestfallen writers and editors given pink slips. It would become a dusty relic of nostalgia. Much like Dean Barrett’s output of bar fables.

Betty White and Dean Barrett: Perfect Together

A coy Viagra advertisement

One of the things possible, we suppose, is that you can now apply for, as Mr. Barrett has done, a “Non-Immigrant, Submissive Retiree/Pensioner” visa. That helps Thai immigration suss things out a bit easier. Perhaps the ladies at Demonia can facilitate this? And perhaps, just perhaps, Dean Barrett’s contemporaries, like Stephen Blather, might follow his example, and go gently into that good night, and take their lickings like real men:  at the feet of coconut farmers’ daughters.

Dean Barrett

So what? Okay, maybe we are too hard on the old man. Who wouldn’t want to be lashed to a rubber tree and assaulted by several barefoot Malay/Thai girls run amok? I know Jimmy Smithers would be first in line for that treatment. In fact, and here Saphan Loy is admittedly being indiscreet, Smithers confided in me that one of his many nasty fantasies involves the jungle, a rounded bamboo pole, interrogation, and VC ladyboys. But we are friends, and for all those who write to him to sign his glossy 8 X 10, he thanks you for all the kind attention. And yes, he really is going to be in motion pictures, specifically a tawdry little tale that just wrapped shooting in Chiang Rai called “Luck Be a Ladyboy.” But you didn’t hear it from the Loy.

The View from Above

The Big Baby Kenny Ng Loses His Chips

Abandoned blog alert: It looks like Big Baby Kenny Ng has finally lost his short stack. His unmonitored blog now spools into oblivion, overridden by spam and nothingness. We believe it is safe to say that the big man is down for the count. Plagued by employment problems, he has ignored his blog hopefully in order to write something academic, or to keep the heat off the back of his neck: It could not have come at a sooner time. Nobody returns to old digital property on the Internet. It languishes like one of those old brothels at the turn of the century, once full of laughter (at him) and reckless mirth, now filled with cobwebs.

One could say that he squandered his fifteen minutes of “fame” or infamy, whichever one prefers. But the real question remains, how would you, in fact, have spent that fifteen minutes? For one, he should have hired a writing coach, or made liberal use of the writing lab on campus to help him with his tortured, often incorrect prose. Two, he might have hired a personality coach, to help him when he compulsively felt the need to cut and paste content from other sites, or at the very least, to help him meet an actual woman and potential marriage partner. Or three, he could have consulted his psychiatric care provider. Yeah, the one with a Singha beer in her hand and the blue contact lenses and the sun-dark farmer’s tan.

Well, we all predicted it, didn’t we? It seems that when there are few left holding any cards of value whatsoever, the odds greatly improve. In our opinion, the Big Baby’s downfall occurred when he started the useless charade of allowing the Galt airtime on his blog. That was the kiss of death. What is unfortunate, of course, is that he will now have to concede his defeat, unless he has an ace up his sleeve, which we doubt he is capable of producing. The drama of it all was fun while it lasted. Even the paranoia of Prufrock had its moments. But alas, you know what they say about all good things.

 

The View from Above

The Hollow Men Operation Part 2

Let me be no nearer
In death’s dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat’s coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer -
Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man’s hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death’s other kingdom

– T.S. Eliot, The Hollow Men (1925)

The station chief who came up with the title Hollow Men Operation was apparently a well-read man. Yale educated in the classics, his knowledge was encyclopaedic. Not only did he directly incorporate T.S. Eliot’s poem as part of the vast operation that comprised Mike’s work in Southeast Asia during the Vietnam War, but he also ensured that the nomenclature of the operation itself would go without detection for so many years. Most government bureaucrats, for example, did not understand the allusion, and they generally followed orders regardless of what it was called. Mike’s decision to tell us the details, marked by many years of soul-searching, but also vague feelings of remorse, coupled with a slow breakdown of his faculties which were the result of excessive alcoholic drinking, truly denote how “secret histories” are often related: orally passed on in dark corners of dark bar-rooms in the company of women who don’t understand a word of what you are saying.

Once the Potemkin villages of the red light districts in Bangkok served their intended purpose, controlling large parts of the military population and providing dollar-denominated currency to the Thai treasury, and once the conflict in Vietnam was over, there were questions that remained. What to do with the actresses and agents involved? What to do with the physical structures themselves? Was there a way to mothball the entire operation? According to Mike, the solution was fairly complex. Rather than keep close tabs on the military population, and to ensure that communist sympathizers were weeded out with efficiency, the decision was made at the top to keep the structures functioning, but now in an effort to attract the detritus of the entire globe who would be attracted to places like Patpong like moths to the flame. In short, it was an excellent way for Interpol and other organizations to follow international vagrants more closely and to monitor seedy business deals closely.

According to Mike, the operation was not mothballed, and an interim caretaker operated the “fronts”, or what we know of as the go-go bars. As their purposes changed over the years in terms of intelligence collection, it was decided that a quasi-governmental organization, comprised of several interested nations, would continue to monitor Bangkok’s red-light districts in order to sort out the various and sundry who come to Thailand’s shores yearly, looking for only God knows what.

We miss Mike dearly. The guy at the Madrid who paid for all the drinks, who shared his thoughts on everything from literature to God to conspiracy theories. He was the master of ceremonies in a time when Thailand needed him most. He was generous with the women, almost to a fault, and generous with his motley group of friends. He will be remembered for his service and dedication. Happy premature Veterans Day.

 

To be continued……

 

The View from Above

 

Sordid Ark Spotted Floating Down the Chao Phraya River

With a ladyboy dominatrix whipping the bare shoulders of the oarsman, Dean Barrett, and with Chris Coles barking orders, a strange and sordid and crudely cobbled together boat was seen bobbing on the Chao Phraya River earlier this evening. Manned by a motley collection of bar girls and ladyboys, the wooden craft did its best to deal with rising waters and several sprung leaks. And not the kind that happens when Barrett wets himself.

In the hold of the little boat, an ailing Bernard Trink was being administered intravenous antiemetics by a topless Khmer girl who also fed him what was left of the provisions, which consisted mainly of 100 Pipers whiskey, durians, some jackfruit, and warm satay. The scene of degradation was, according to bystanders, awful to behold. Barrett, in his loin cloth, looked old and emaciated as he desperately tried to row the craft while the dominatrix lashed him and berated him for his lack of physical strength. Stephen Blather was nowhere to be found, likely hiding in the stern, quaffing warm bottles of Chang and washing down whatever pills he takes to erase his imagination completely.

At this rate the craft is scheduled to enter the Gulf of Siam sometime tomorrow morning, or around the time a new Stickman column comes out. Whichever comes first.

Rendering of the Ship of Fools

The View from Above