The Paris Hilton of the Thai Red Light Blogosphere

As an appendix to our latest meditation on the nature of the free market economy in the global gallery of images, celebrity paparazzi and the like, as well as the introduction of Saphan Loy’s capital (and now a collective of various moneyed interests) into an otherwise moribund market for images of Thai nightlife celebrities like the Big Baby Kenny Ng, here is an update. Despite an overwhelming response from readers, professional photographers, curious Thai villagers, mercenary bar girls, etc., we have decided that, in addition to a solicitation for freelance photography services, it may be a more efficient use of our capital to engage the services of one of Bangkok’s most famous bar girl investigators directly for documentary evidence of the celebrity blogger, Big Baby Kenny Ng, enjoying his demoralising summer vacation.

But rather than poking holes in the maudlin, fictional fabrications of farmers’ daughters from Isarn, which takes all of the investigative skill of the disheveled security guard who salutes you as you enter Emporium, we will directly engage our investigator to dig around a little to unearth the comings and goings of the fabled celebrity blogger, Big Baby Kenny Ng, paying particular attention to the things he does between his more mundane errands like getting his dentition fixed or becoming flustered by the unresponsiveness of his bargain US smartphone. The irony of ironies that engaging a “bar girl” investigator would represent makes us chuckle like a Machiavellian villain, twirling his moustaches while the damsel (BBK) is rope-bound on the trestle of the Skytrain. Perhaps we can pay for not one, but two or more investigations? Who wouldn’t want to see the Bangkok Buddy, for example, eating fried chicken and drinking coffee, or playing video games in the grim prison cell of a cheap apartment building?

Ho hum. One of the things that Saphan Loy is especially vigilant against is the unauthorised photography of our person. This happens sometimes in large cities. We have found that, for the most part, Asian tourists, for some odd reason, find that a photograph of me would enliven their screen savers upon their return to their own countries and perhaps refresh their “happy memories” of their trip abroad. Even more strangely, one day in late spring, I was sitting on a park bench minding my own business, and a young woman, a complete stranger to me, maybe about 20 years old and clearly some kind of art student judging by the dubious way she was dressed, stood approximately fifteen yards away and had the temerity to snap a photograph of me while I gazed into the distance and fantasized about becoming a celebrity blogger like Big Baby Kenny Ng.

The brazen slut!

For once, William Mahanakorn was flabbergasted. That the camera lens was pointed in my direction was unmistakable and not a symptom of latent paranoia. While a few such errant thoughts managed to flash briefly, for example, is she with a foreign intelligence organization?, thus interrupting a serene idyll, my only ultimate resentment was that my image would perhaps appear without explicit permission in some esoteric and largely empty little museum somewhere in the hinterlands, in black and white or, worse, faux sepia tones, matted in an elegant frame with a small placard denoting the photographer and the late-night-marijuana-and-vodka-inspired title of the image, and gawked at only by other photography enthusiasts and art students, or the occasional itinerant who wandered into the museum accidentally in search of a public restroom in order to take a rudimentary bath with the fresh water of the sink.

But we digress. In truth, the question remains. Is BBK the new Paris Hilton of the Thai red light blogosphere? This really is the question that Saphan Loy’s growing (and potential) capital investment will seek to answer. We cannot ultimately promise results, however, because it is challenging to persuade a bar girl investigator that someone who looks like BBK could possibly have a jilted ex-wife who is seeking evidence of his squandering of child-support payments on the red light districts in Bangkok, or his commission of insurance fraud against Delta Dental: a fiction, of course, that the investigator would presumably hope to verify.

One more note on the taking of photographs in the red light districts of Bangkok. And this is in response to the hobo-like Bangkok Buddy’s trembling fears that one of his Bangkok buddies, “the viking“, was taking too many pictures at “the ranch”, which is against the Bangkok Buddy’s “rules.”

met 2 new lounge lizards tonight.  first, there was the viking.  second was the nun.  I sort of took a liking to the nun.  but then, since the priest was there.  I stepped aside.  I wasn’t too comfortable with the viking.  man, he was taking pictures left and right.  and frankly, one of the rules at the ranch is – you can’t take pictures.

Here is a little analogy for Bangkok Buddy’s sleep-deprived mind to comprehend, when he is not playing Space Invaders with his joystick. Say, for example, Saphan Loy Productions LLC wishes to produce a film about an American professor who becomes enamoured with a Thai ladyboy in one of his frequent trips to the brothel districts of Bangkok. They fall in love, but the professor does not realize that “she” is really a “he.” Humiliated, he angrily calls off the wedding. After a fun series of comedies and cultural misunderstandings, and a particularly fun sequence in which the professor travels to the ladyboy’s village and meets a colourful assortment of his relatives and neighbours, the professor vows his undying love for the Thai ladyboy. They get married in San Francisco, and live happily ever after. They even adopt some Chinese babies, and give them caucasian-sounding names like Kenneth and Dorothy.

Now, most of our film will unfold in the red light districts of Thailand, much like Hangover II. We apply for the appropriate permissions via the Thailand Film Office (http://www.thailandfilmoffice.com/FAQs.html), and wait patiently (about 14 days) for our script to be approved. Through a Thai production coordinator, we make the appropriate arrangements for locations, interiors, etc. More importantly, we make prompt cash payments to all concerned governmental parties and Thai filmmaking technicians. We rent the expensive cameras and recording equipment necessary from Thai companies. We even hire local actors and actresses. We remember to send appropriate gifts to local politicians (i.e., two bottles of Johnny Walker Blue tied together with a red ribbon) whose jurisdiction includes our set locations. Shooting goes smoothly, and we get all the footage we need of Thailand’s notorious nightlife and lots of fun photographs of places like Cassanova’s or similar establishments. Not only is photography “allowed” on “the ranch”, in Saphan Loy’s illustration, it is actively encouraged and supported by Thai authorities. We bring our Thailand footage to the post-production facility in Los Angeles, neatly edit our unwatchable, poorly scripted film, market it to distributors, and the moronic public lines up to purchase a ticket and a tub of overpriced popcorn with a large plastic cup filled with corn syrup, sugar, and carbonated water.

Saphan Loy’s offer stands: We are looking for candid images of the celebrity blogger and sex tourist Big Baby Kenny Ng enjoying his sex holiday in Bangkok. The photos must be of journalistic quality and be verifiable. All inquiries may be directed to saphanloy@gmail.com. A basic contract will be required, which spells out the terms of the exchange and will be provided for serious inquiries only. All editorial inquiries will be treated with complete confidentiality.

The View from Above

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15 Responses to “The Paris Hilton of the Thai Red Light Blogosphere”

  1. RealDaffyDuck Says:

    I say we get the word out to bargirls across Nana (less likely to have an Ng sighting, because, you know, it’s too close to the Big Mango, despite being waaaaaayyyyyy down soi 4), and Cowboy.

    Should be easy to spade, either via email and a couple of pictures, or just via SMS / MMS – 20,000 is quite a bounty for bargirls, and those girls are *everywhere*.

    • We have considered this angle too. We could potentially draft something in Thai, then circulate it on a Thai blog or similar site with wider reach.

      • RealDaffyDuck Says:

        Flyers & GoGo toilets.

        Serves 2 purposes:

        – advertise the bounty
        – put the living fear of god into Kenny then first time he goes to pee

      • In a bold but foolhardy move, it looks like Ng decided to allow our offer to circulate on his own site in the comments section. Not only has he been strongly censoring his reader commentary (which in turn chokes the oxygen supply to the entire site, since his moronic readership will look for greener pastures in which to dump), but he has blocked Saphan Loy’s IP from contributing to it as well. It’s funny. We essentially have him check-mated. So far, his only photographs from this depraved trip were taken of the interior of a dental clinic and promotional images of smart phones. And with his site now becoming mired in the vagaries of the Galt/Prufrock debacle, the death knell has surely sounded. This is a huge difference from last summer when he was pretending to be a photojournalist with his poorly framed shots of the protests and their aftermath. Once we receive a bona fide offer, I will send you and Graham the details via email privately.

      • RealDaffyDuck Says:

        Great, look forward to your details.

        Yeah, I just saw the comment myself – seriously, he has your IP blocked? The guy who claims “no censorship”.

        Well, since the impersonations continue, particularly involving pedophilia, it looks like it’s time fir an SB1411 take-down notice, since he’s now strayed into serious state and federal felony waters.

        Contact me via email, and I’ll pass on some salient details on how to proceed further.

      • Yes, I am serious about the IP block. It’s been in effect a few weeks at least. SB1411 take-down notice? Hmmm.. intriguing.

      • RealDaffyDuck Says:

        By the way, if he’s put up your offer on his site (where it will certainly tempt plenty of the balloon chasers in hs patronage), that probably means he’s vacated Bangkok and can be found in some in some Nakhon BFE location in the North East, Werewolf in tow.

      • WW and BBK together? Quite romantic. Mucking around in the provinces could be to our benefit as well. Sadly, Bangkok Buddy, who knows BBK by sight, is out in Pattaya. But yeah, I think you are right. He let the comment pass only after he was out of harm’s way. It’s good to keep an open mind. Something might come of it from an unsuspected source.

      • In an interesting congruence of blog stories, it appears that WW has ladyboys on the mind, and BBK is writing about homosexuality in Thailand. Does this mean that WW and BBK are considering a legal gay marriage in the United States? Or that they are planning on opening a bed-and-breakfast in Vermont together? Hmmm….very suspicious.

  2. RealDaffyDuck Says:

    Oh, by the way, Mr. “Big Baby No Censorship” has replaced the URL to your site / offer with what he usually does — a link to RateMyDoddie.com (it’s exactly what you think it is). Excellent demonstration of class by a University Professor (well, *Assistant* professor).

  3. bigbabykennethng Says:

    Random Old School Lyric

    “Now you can’t catch me, baby you can’t catch me”

    “Cause if you get too close, you know I’m gone like a cool breeze”

    • That, sir, is an excellent photograph on your latest post. It could have been improved upon slightly by stepping around to the front of his table and asking him to say “Cheese.” In keeping with his recent post about homosexuality, the photo does, in fact, look like he is sadly eating a meal in some kind of gay bar, given the fact that he is surrounded by male farang. Well done, nonetheless.

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