Archive for October, 2011

Sordid Ark Spotted Floating Down the Chao Phraya River

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on October 29, 2011 by สะพานลอย

With a ladyboy dominatrix whipping the bare shoulders of the oarsman, Dean Barrett, and with Chris Coles barking orders, a strange and sordid and crudely cobbled together boat was seen bobbing on the Chao Phraya River earlier this evening. Manned by a motley collection of bar girls and ladyboys, the wooden craft did its best to deal with rising waters and several sprung leaks. And not the kind that happens when Barrett wets himself.

In the hold of the little boat, an ailing Bernard Trink was being administered intravenous antiemetics by a topless Khmer girl who also fed him what was left of the provisions, which consisted mainly of 100 Pipers whiskey, durians, some jackfruit, and warm satay. The scene of degradation was, according to bystanders, awful to behold. Barrett, in his loin cloth, looked old and emaciated as he desperately tried to row the craft while the dominatrix lashed him and berated him for his lack of physical strength. Stephen Blather was nowhere to be found, likely hiding in the stern, quaffing warm bottles of Chang and washing down whatever pills he takes to erase his imagination completely.

At this rate the craft is scheduled to enter the Gulf of Siam sometime tomorrow morning, or around the time a new Stickman column comes out. Whichever comes first.

Rendering of the Ship of Fools

The View from Above

Advertisements

When it rains….

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on October 23, 2011 by สะพานลอย

Dean Barrett and Chris Coles have been spotted building a large ark-like structure on Soi Cowboy. Apparently, they had a heated argument about whether to allow ladyboys onto the boat: Chris Coles in favour, Barrett against. They almost came to blows, but Barrett backed down after admitting that Viagra has damaged his cardiac muscle and his latest charity boxing match left him with a hernia. Meanwhile, Stickman has taken up residence in an Asoke highrise with a team of drunken rugby players who have vowed to wait out the floods by watching homosexual pornography on a laptop and throwing their empties into the water far below.

The scene from Dean Barrett's hovel.

Big Baby Kenny, meanwhile, is up to his neck, and he’s nowhere near Bangkok. He has been writing about the things he likes to watch on television, particularly shows that old women usually enjoy while crocheting. His problems are amplifying in California, as has been reported on Big Dummy Kenny and elsewhere (you know who you are). We will reserve comment until we have a chance to discuss the matter with the Chancellor in greater detail.

Stay high and dry.

 

The View from Above

 

 

“Sticks” and Stones

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2011 by สะพานลอย

This week, Stickman took aim at nearly every writer on the Thailand brothel-scene who does not plaster his site with antiquated banner ads or molly coddle sex tourists in Thailand, calling these writers, bloggers, and various forum lurkers “weirdos”, “shit-stirrers”, etc. With all of the self-righteousness of a Catholic school boy, Stickman’s attacks left Saphan Loy wondering whether he is the right man for the job of pitching to his motley collection of readers places like Demonia, Devil’s Den, Lolita’s, Ladyboy Escorts, Big Mango Bar and others. Were we an advertiser on his site, we would be somewhat concerned: someone with a foot fetish is “on another wavelength”? What does that mean? There are those of us (like Jimmy Smithers and Big Baby Kenny Ng) who adore ladyboys and have foot fetishes. I know for one that Jimmy Smithers was so profoundly offended by the Stickman’s rambling tirade that he nearly incapacitated himself with an overdose of Wild Turkey and Pepto-Bismol.

Meanwhile, when not feigning astonishment about other people’s sexual predilections (foot fetishes, ladyboys, etc.), his bleeding heart reaction to some German drifter really takes the cake. I mean, really. Freud would have a field-day with the utter irony represented by his entire website. It is clear that Michael, the German drifter, who clearly suffers from schizophrenia, was sucked into the vortex of the very kinds of places advertised on the Stick-site, then suffered the consequences of a lost mind and an empty bank account. The only way the German embassy will intervene, incidentally, is if Michael dies on the street, or is murdered, or asks for help himself. Surely, the consular officers have better things to do with their time than read the Stick site. How can you even be sure he is German? He may even be a spy whose cover is a homeless sex addict with a mental illness.

So is the Stick biting the proverbial hands that feed him? Were I an owner of Demonia and had an event like the foot fetish event (that looks quite intriguing) mocked as being perverted or, as he puts it, “on another wavelength”, or were I an owner of Big Mango Bar and had my place called the “coldest bar” in Bangkok, Saphan Loy would seek other advertising venues that were kinder and gentler.

In targeting other writers on the Thailand scene, the Stick makes it clear that anyone who diverges from the pat and glib “gosh golly” tone that he effects when dealing with a very serious subject matter (i.e., sex tourism and transnational promotion of prostitution) is thus labeled a “weirdo” or a “shit-stirrer.” It goes to show that in New Zealand, political correctness of a different sort rules the roost and the freedom of expression is but a vaporous mirage of western European and North American ideals that enshrine the right to free speech. Furthermore, we now know the following about Stickman:

  • He doesn’t bar fine.
  • He doesn’t like ladyboys.
  • He does not have a foot fetish.
  • He prefers to take his mother to Soi Cowboy.

Just who is Stickman Bangkok? And why doesn’t he start a blog about another topic, one which he is more qualified to write about? Like the homeless situation in Bangkok, or the dangers of freedom of expression on the Internet, or teaching English in a language mill, or just how perverted foot fetishes are? Better yet, how about a little blog about rugby. See how many banner ads he can sell for that project, thus avoiding the “nasty” characters that comprise his readers.

Jimmy Smithers, Big Baby Kenny Ng, and Dean Barrett love bare feet.

Because Saphan Loy was embarrassed for the Stick by his latest blunder of a column, we are listing (gratis) the Big Mango Bar (which is not the coldest bar in Bangkok) and Demonia in our Views You Can Use section. The ladies of Demonia may thank me with a solid ass-whipping and the privilege of licking their bare toes.

The View from Above