Archive for December, 2012

2012 Stumbles to an Ignominius End

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2012 by สะพานลอย

….and 2013 looks no better for the motley group of fools who continue with their dubious output of words and poorly framed photographs depicting the brothel districts of Thailand, from the disgraced professors and teachers (Big Baby Kenny Ng and Stickman), to the humdrum typists of pulp e-books which nobody purchases (Stephen Blather et. al.), to the marginally retarded (Bangkok Buddy and Kent Hammond). Normally, Saphan Loy would conduct a “blow-by-blow” analysis of the year in review, but sadly, it seems that the whole year was a washout for the barflies of Bangkok.

The holiday season in Thailand’s red light districts is a grim reminder that there are many lost souls from around the world who continue to gravitate to these places, washed up has-beens, lovelorn, hopeless, and thirsty, compelled by the biological imperatives of their unmanageable vices, motivated by the squalid reward of a short-time hotel room, a cheap sex enhancement drug, and a Thai rice farmer’s daughter or two. Or a Thai rice farmer’s son in drag who happens to possess an artificially added set of double DDs and a chemically induced uncircumcised hard-on, or a surgically altered vaginal skin-fold.

It is a time when our favourite bar girls, mamasans, and bartenders are trotted out in the cheapest of Christmas-themed lingerie and paraded around sticky barroom floors in darkened corners of cheap, third-world gin mills, enticed by a few hundred baht and the false promise of an improvement in their stations in life.

It is the time of year to drown regrets in rice whiskey, or the local non-potable lager, and to stifle the merest threat of an emerging sense of conscience, any images of domesticity that we left behind elsewhere in the developed world where we once may have had friends and family, or even the thought, “What the hell am I doing here?”

It is also the time of the year when we can imagine, although remotely and through the artifice of fiction, a character much like George Bailey, driven to despair by financial catastrophe in the timeless American classic It’s a Wonderful Life, who attempts suicide only to be shown a life without his presence in the world, followed by a dramatic, heart-warming redemption.

We can picture, for example, Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng, clinically depressed by the mistakes of his life, his failures as an economist/school teacher, his morbid obesity, his disgraceful and very public fall from grace, and his grotesque appetite for young Thai bargirls, contemplating suicide on a barstool somewhere in Saphan Khwai (yes, he has sunk this low), while drunkenly crying in his cups and muttering dark curses at his imagined enemies and the success of others. Yes, we can see him, his ego stung by the utterance of a snaggle-toothed ladyboy who has just called him a khii mao, in this Saphan Khwai hellhole, his life story spooling away from him like the sad and sordid conclusion to an old 16 mm stag film he vaguely remembers from his misspent youth witnessing the fabled Tijuana donkey show flickering on a yellowing wall in his dorm room.

And we can hope, as we watch him in this Saphan Khwai watering hole, trying to find an outlet for his laptop and arguing with the mamasan in a language he does not understand, that Ng will come to meet an angel who will put his arm around his shoulder and say, “But you have had a wonderful life, Professor Ng.” And when this dreary holiday fable comes to its conclusion in the darkened karaoke parlor, and those grim concluding words appear, “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends”, we will all sigh deeply, because, well, we know how Ng has mistreated his friends and alienated his colleagues irreparably.

My lovely assistant Lek is in tears, daubing at her almond eyes with a Kleenex, the poor thing. Ok, enough of your blubbering. Get me a drink. And put on that skimpy Father Christmas costume I purchased for you.

Similarly, we can wish at this time of year that the celebrated scribe of the red light districts, the Stickman, is visited by a Dickensian scene, the bar girl of Christmas past, who appears to him in his Bangkok high-rise bound in the chains of oppression that he has caused by stimulating a prurient interest in all things related to sex commerce. Awakened at midnight by the apparition, the Stick cowers under his mosquito net, while the bar girl of Christmas past says, “You handsome man no good man. You bad man.

Stickman is awakened at midnight by the bar girl of Christmas past.

The Stick mistakenly believes he is dreaming, and responds, “Is that Bernard Trink?”, then swallows another tranquilizer. His slumber thus returned, he is awakened soon thereafter by the bargirl of Christmas present, who shows him the horrid reality of plane-loads of elderly westerners arriving in Bangkok, all streaming into the big yellow vagina of Nana Plaza, depositing their baht along with their diseased chromosomal material, and leaving empty beer bottles and broken lives of the impoverished girls who remain behind staring hopefully at the dim glow emanating from their cellphones.

And finally, what of the bar girl of Christmas future? What tidings does she bring? Or he? And whither the red light districts in Thailand in 2013? Only the new year will tell. Lek has visited the witch doctor and received bad tidings. But I am optimistic. And rest assured gentle reader. In an ever more hostile cyber world, Saphan Loy will continue to be a “troll-free zone” and will remain a place where intelligent, adult discussion of all things Thai brothel districts is welcome, where sexpats and sex tourists can tune in for the latest deep analysis of the red light blogosphere and the bizarre bedfellows who populate it.

Therefore, may you and your bar girls or ladyboys (or donkeys) enjoy the best of the holiday season, and with hope look forward to another year of unabashed whoring and drinking and drugging all the while avoiding liver failure or cardiac arrest. And may all of your wishes at the Hindu shrines of Bangkok bring you the loves of your life, prosperity, and just enough success to continue your binges without guilt, shame, or remorse of any kind.

Happy New Year!

Yours truly, and my lovely assistant Lek.

The View from Above

Advertisements

Co-Author of Big Baby Kenny Ng Blog Revealed

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Just as Big Baby Kenny Ng has relied on co-authors to help him write his academic papers for him, so too has he needed similar assistance on his website, BigBabyKenny.com. It turns out he has relied heavily on a serial commentator named “Ronru”, who turns out to be his partner in crime as well as a sex tourist from Melbourne, Australia named Kent Hammond.

Together they have attacked business owners and writers with a daily barrage of lies, insinuations, libel, and general invective that have made the Big Baby Kenny Ng site what it really is: a place for dangerous sex tourists who care only about maliciously destroying other people’s lives and livelihoods. Hammond has spent the greater part of the past two years attempting to silence any and all credible criticisms of Professor Ng’s nefarious online crusade. He has also joined Professor Ng in impugning the integrity of Saphan Loy, much to Lek’s great consternation.

In his dating profile on Wayn.com, Hammond writes of himself:

I’m young at heart, fit and active. I’m interested in people and there feelings, consequently long walks at dusk discussing philosophic possibilities, stimulate my sensitive and creative nature. I love adventure and travel extensively seeking new experiences and participating in Life. Sport has always been part of my life, and I appretiate fine dinning, wine and fun company. I would like to meet some nice lady between the age of 30 and 40 who is slim, active and with a possitive open mind.

Riddled with spelling errors and poor grammar, it matches verbatim the kind of writing that Professor Ng has asked him to do on the Big Baby Kenny blog. In short, “Ronru” has been responsible for nearly all comments appearing on a daily, sometimes hourly basis on the BigBabyKenny website, most of which have attacked business owners in Bangkok as well as bloggers in the online expat community. One of Ronru’s specialties has been to make use of other people’s names to misrepresent themselves, incriminate themselves, or otherwise trick the search engines into indexing associations that are baseless and libelous.

Now that this dubious co-author of the Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng blog has been revealed, and with photographs of the two co-authors hamming it up in Thailand together (see Big Dummy Kenny), the mystery surrounding the commander of the “sock-puppet” army has been solved. Sadly for Hammond, whose friendship with an incompetent buffoon masquerading as a teacher has obviously unraveled, that association will likely cause much distress with little promise of reward in future.

But what is most revealing about the introduction of co-writer Kent Hammond is the way it actually happened. While Big Dummy Kenny actually blocked out Kent’s image in the photograph on the Big Dummy Site, the big reveal actually came out on Big Baby Kenny Ng’s site in, you guessed it, the comments section. Ng essentially outed his one and only friend and co-author (or at the very least allowed it to happen by his laissez-faire approach to moderation). For the record, Ng has used this method before and to great effect. He has published the actual names of the former Werewolf and Young Penfold with the same callous disregard for Internet civility that he has displayed for the past four years.

A Forum Strikes Back

If you read our last post closely, you may have noticed that Lek and I are of the similar opinion that discussion fora focused on Thai prostitution and sex work have become irrelevant holdovers to Web 1.0, and have served only to shelter older sex tourists who have nowhere else to go to share their depraved scribblings.

Predictably, one such forum, Thai360, which promises a “360” view of the Thai ladyboy and brothel scene, has felt slighted, and a dubious new thread was started by “Ratchada” for the sole purpose of attacking Saphan Loy. Lek was outraged, and I was a little more than exasperated trying to translate the word “douchebag” into Thai so that Lek could apprehend the gravity of Ratchada’s impressive display of vulgarity. In his rather pointed criticism, which begins with two references to anal stimulation, of Saphan Loy, he writes:

Talk about specific…this douchebag seems to have a serious stick up his butt regarding all nightlife-focused websites and pussy forums on Thailand…as far as I can tell, his blog pretty much exists just to criticize them….??

I love how, although he’s full of criticism for Stickman (uh, yeah, not exactly the hardest target!), he uses the same very-difficult-to-read light text on black background that Stickman does, haha… 

Ratchada's Douche Bag

While one of his forum “buddies” gently attempts to disabuse Ratchada of the notion that Thai nightlife websites are somehow automatically immune from criticism, another anonymous forum-lurker named “Wendella” wonders whether the author of Saphan Loy “…is well.” This coming from a regular contributor to a site called “International Sex Guide” (among others.) While we appreciate Wendella’s concerns for our mental health, we can say unequivocally that with Lek’s constant ministrations, consisting of regular dosages of Xanax washed down with an ice cold Singha beer, Saphan Loy’s emotional health and general outlook on life is rosy by any measure.

There is some misconception within these so-called discussion fora that, by making use of the illusion of a kind of “gated” community, that their conversations are somehow inured to the influence of greater forces at work in the Web 2.0 environment. This cannot be further from the truth. One of the main reasons we have avoided membership in these Thai-sex focused electronic bulletin boards is a matter of simple security. Maybe for hard-core mongers like Ratchada and Wendella this is isn’t a consideration at all. But I for one would treat any forum with great suspicion, since you are effectively creating a single repository of your data, your IP address, and your long history of commentary on a dubious and illegal enterprise, namely, international sex tourism, and handing that information over to the “key master”.

Image found on Nurse Myra's Gimcrack Hospital Blog

Image found on Nurse Myra’s Gimcrack Hospital Blog

At any rate, all of this talk of douchebags in Thailand has brought up an interesting idea, abetted by an enthusiastic Lek: how about a bar on Cowboy or at Nana that is a douche and enema themed venue? We can call it “Douchebag a Go-Go”. I can picture it now: douchebags everywhere, celebrity sightings like Big Baby Kenny Ng, Dean Barrett, Ratchada and Kent Hammond, and a full write-up on Stickman Weekly. Now that would be sanook mak mak.

The View from Above