Japanese News in the Chinese Year of the Horse’s Ass

Normally, we don’t comment on the complex internal affairs of a country, especially the one where we live, work, and attempt to have sex with anything that’s not bolted down. But we are often curious about how foreign media portrays the situation, or how bloggers occasionally poke their camera lenses up the nostrils of the Thai people. Because western media largely caters to those seeking the perverse, most up-to-date information on Hillary Clinton’s prescription drug abuse, and gleefully reports on sex scandals in American higher education (like Big Baby Kenny Ng, PhD), I turned this time to Asian media to get a better sense how they report on political situations.

If you really need a snapshot of Thai politics at the moment, here it is. And with this, Saphan Loy will say no more. In a roughly cyclical nature in line with the rice harvest, you have two large groups of people who gather in Bangkok and wave plastic feet, signs, flags, etc., to affirm their “Thai-ness.” Sometimes someone throws a hand grenade. Then, things settle down for a while, and it all happens again. What should we care, especially as the rural provinces continuously supply us with our beautiful, idolatrous comfort women, two per lap, right at the bar and right here in the “elite” city of Bangkok? You won’t catch me complaining. Though you might hear a few words of complaint from Lek.

Politics as usual

Politics as usual

Anyway, if you want to turn your frustrated libido toward efforts at deconstructing Thai politics, you may take a gander at the New Mandala where various western egg-heads engage in pissing contests with each other over the trivia of what a modern feudalistic society looks like in this epoch of re-branding, renaming, “democratizing”, and deciding, in most cases involving Southeast Asian politics, finally, not to call a spade a spade. Isn’t it time that the West (yes, including Australia) concedes that democracy is not one size fits all? Indeed some societies may be ill-suited to the veneer of democracy that solely provides the smokescreen for capitalism’s power-seeking machinery.

In my research on intra-Asian media attention to Thailand, however, we discovered just how difficult it is to be a female reporter on news programs in Japan. While Yuko (my occasional Japanese translator and cosplay partner) tries to persuade me that I am not witnessing an actual newscast, I occasionally fault her for her mangled English skills. She usually says “No” when she means “Yes” and vice versa

What follows is shocking, disgusting, and deplorable. I offer a few still frames from Japanese newscasts (of which the Internet seems to have many examples of such)  for your consideration, but I beg you to do your own research.

Breaking news

Breaking news

So I will say to Yuko, This is a real broadcast, not a fictional one? And she will reply “Yes.” You mean it’s real? “No” But it appears she is telling us about the weather while men masturbate on her. “Yes.” But it’s not real? “No”. It goes on like this seemingly forever.

How can the viewer concentrate on such serious news from China?

How can the viewer concentrate on such serious news from China?

Is it like this every night on television? “Yes” You mean this happens all the time? “No. This make for men. It is dirty movie.” But why? “Some men excite.” But is the news story real? “Yes. It like a news story. She read news story and men make a bukkake on her.” Why do Japanese men like to see this? “Maybe something we eat in our diet, like a shellfish. Or maybe they have problem with head.”

Chinese Year of the Horse’s Ass

Happy New Year to the Bay Area Boyz, and Big Baby Kenny too! Light some fire crackers, send me some cash-filled red envelopes, and take a drink from the bottle of liquor with the coiled rattlesnake pickled within for me. I wish you all the best in the Year of the Horse’s Ass.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year!

The View from Above

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