Archive for the สะพานลอย Category

The Year of the Sheep: Sayonara, Bangkok.

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on January 17, 2015 by สะพานลอย

First, we need to report the following chaos that occurred recently over at SL headquarters, which is in complete disarray. We were ‘raided’ by a group of interested Thai authorities who made off with some rice liquor bottles (mostly full), two laptops, my antiquated VCR and our VHS collection of erotic films from all over Asia, including some really raunchy ones from Japan that show female newscasters getting more than they bargained for as they try to read important news summaries. Papers were strewn, tables upset. It was clear that they were looking for something. What wasn’t clear was who sent them. And why?

The aftermath of the raid on SL HQ.

The aftermath of the raid on SL HQ.

Lek has fled to the rice fields. Her relatives (if any of you morons have been reading closely) in the Thai police force are encountering difficulties of their own with the military government. She fled with great haste to her village just before SL HQ was raided. With great sadness, I put many 1k baht notes into Tuy’s purse, and told her not to spend it all in one place. She got on a bus and headed Northeast.

It has happened much quicker than any of us could have suspected. The scene is gone, and Thailand is heading toward a major disruption in every way. It is best that SL et al. exeunt stage left.

It is sad at this point in our fabled career to seek out safer havens. Where we will go I leave it for the fates, in their infinite wisdom, to decide. It may well be that SL headquarters will be reconstructed in a neighbouring country, where the beer is ice cold, the food hot as hell, and the women blessed with loose morals.

It will take courage. We will need bottles of whiskey, a bank account stuffed with the good fortune a lifetime of wise investments has provided, a local language phrase book, and the unparalleled personality of  yours truly. The Empire of the Sun is looking more and more appealing.

Nowhere is the news more exciting than in Japan.

Nowhere is the news more exciting than in Japan.

Updates may come as the proverbial shit hits the fan. All editorial inquiries may be left in the comments section below. If you seem legitimate, SL will respond.

Goodbye, for now.

The View from Above

 

 

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Tourism in Thailand: Full Moon Waning

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2014 by สะพานลอย

One of the difficult aspects of drumming up the energy to write this blog in a place that exudes the tropical languor of a newly restored banana republic is the fact that the world-notorious Bangkok nightlife scene is decaying, and my two bar girls, Lek and Tuy, keep me well occupied here at Saphan Loy with their operatic complaints, occasional sexual favours, and vapid displays of their Thai frivolity. In short, I find all I need within the walls of my private pleasure palace.

Recently Lek, to my delight, somehow procured a special green herb that in Thailand grows everywhere. She brought home the cured reproductive bud of the plant in a plastic bag. Tuy knew just what to do. She immediately began rolling the dried material into cigarettes, as though she had done this for years. The three of us shared the fag, and a most pleasing calm took hold of us.

And for the rest of the evening, all we really managed to do was watch the telly, grin like idiots, and eat mango and sticky rice. However, our “special” evening routine was anything but routine, and we will leave it to you depraved sex tourists to conjure your disgusting fantasies on your own. Let’s just say that it involved basic acrobatics, gender confusion, and far too much rice whiskey.

Stick's site is now entirely dedicated to ladyboys.

Stick’s site is now entirely dedicated to ladyboys.

Bar Bloggers Under Martial Law

A perusal of the nightlife blog and website scene reveals the following, in the event that any of you still actually care:

Stickman has officially redirected his readership to our old friend and reader, Will Morledge at Bangkok Eyes. This is ironic, since Morledge’s site is actually more interesting than the Stick’s ladyboy folly. The mostly softball questions of the interview were just as one has come to expect from the Stick: pablum and mutual masturbation, with a tone that suggests, “Ooh, look at us old timers in Bangkok! We should feel so proud of ourselves! Let’s celebrate by splitting a Ladyboy!”

Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng is still on the web. Have a mosey and a gander. While the sex tourism economics professors seems to have abandoned it, the Thai whore blog nonetheless preserves all of his race baiting, misogyny and delusion intact. Does the University of California at Northridge even have a tenure review process?

Mobi has officially sold his bar on the dark side of the lake, and renamed his Thai paramour “Lek.” Not, of course, to be confused with Saphan Loy’s “Lek.” Mobi is still valiantly putting up the good fight, onward Christian soldiers, and all that rot. In today’s post, Mobi points out all of the endearing charms of General Prayuth. This is interesting, since it echoes “Bill of Phuket’s” experience as well, a hotelier who finds virtue in martial law. As Sylvia Plath, the suicidal poetess once wrote:

“Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.”

Is "Bill of Phuket" one and the same from the eponymous Stephen Blather novel?

Is “Bill of Phuket” one and the same from the eponymous Stephen Blather story?

Full Moon Waning

Once upon a time, when SL was still able to drink until dawn (and certainly in the pre-Lek and Tuy days), we visited the island of Koh Phangan, if only to see for ourselves the general depravity on offer. Although we were not there during one of the ever-popular “Fool Moon Parties”, we nonetheless got a very good sense of what the backpacker scene was like in the fabled “paradise” of Thailand.

I was travelling at the time with a Western woman, whom I will call “C”, and who, at the time, was SL’s closest companion, lover, and, in more instances than not, apologist. In the early days of SL, there was much to apologise for, and her tolerance and loyalty were beginning to fray, however slightly, in this remote, semi-abandoned bungalow operation.

When is the next fool moon?

When is the next fool moon?

The bungalows seemed to be haphazardly constructed around a small coconut plantation. In truth, the rudimentary architecture of the small village seemed to have been created by inebriated children. There was a very basic structure that housed the local sundry from which one could purchase serious provisions (Chang Beer and some bags of delicious chemical foodstuff comprised of many small brown coated peanuts, which, in turn, were characterized by a sweet coffee flavor and a crunchy coconut shell).

Built on simple cinder blocks, the walls of the shop-house were made of tin. For those brief few days, SL brought much joy to the merchant for daily beer purchases, surely enriching the man beyond what custom he would have otherwise anticipated. But, seeing that we were the only custom on that rainy weekend, I am sure I amply made up for in the quantity and frequency of which they were purchased. It never hurt to avail myself of 5 baht shots of rice whiskey by the glass either.

 

Keep 'em coming, sweetheart.

Keep ’em coming, sweetheart.

The most recent atrocity committed on Koh Tao, one of Thailand’s celebrated bucolic isles in the Gulf of Siam, only adds to the growing list of reasons one should avoid a trip until such time as domestic tensions have been eased by the hands of a particularly skillful masseuse in a short, polyester dress.

Western media went berserk over the bludgeoning deaths of Hannah Witheridge and David Miller, aged 23 and 24 years respectively. The couple met their tragic demise on the tiny island at the hands of unknown assailants. Because of the enormity of the crime and Thailand’s desire to keep crimes like this under wraps, a full scale police investigation (including assistance from the FBI) was launched to capture those cowardly Burmese immigrants responsible. When in doubt, blame it on the Burmese.

Thai tourism has suffered from a cascade of problems.

Thai tourism has suffered from a cascade of problems.

It has become clear that tourism in Thailand is suffering. Martial law does not exactly conjure images of free love and Bacchus in the Land of Coups d’Etat. But Saphan Loy lives here, and we have become happily pacified in our pleasure palace. And yes, occasionally, SL will stagger from his minx-infested condo and get into a cab to be shuttled to the dubious whore districts, where I lose myself in the grotty smells and sights of an industry now dominated by Ladyboys, and the Stickmen of the world who love them.

The View from Above

Sex Tourist Visas, Alcohol, Stickman: All on the Chopping Block

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2014 by สะพานลอย

If you have been following at all the deranged chatter of the Thai sex tourism blogs and sites, then you all well know that your multiple Sex Tourist Visas that fill the pages of your passports like a private stamp collection of shame and degradation will earn you something nobody had ever expected: a Thai Military exit visa.

True, these multiple sex tourist visas were meant to circumvent the laxly enforced border policies that Thailand had maintained in more promising times. However, if you have entered and reentered on these visas in the past, you were nonetheless violating the spirit of Thailand’s immigration policy and should have endeavoured to secure proper paperwork to begin with.

Sex Tourist Visas have been discontinued in the Land of Smile.

What it all boils down to, then, is economics and planning. Those who are too poor to establish themselves professionally in Thailand or who do not have the resources to prove that they are “retired” will have to vacate their bar stools in whatever blowjob bar they now call home, and find a more welcoming environment than a Thai immigration deportation cell. If the floundering sex industry of Thailand needed further help in its already sad decline, this is the nail in the coffin.

The only real solution at this point would be Thailand’s return to “democratic” representation, whatever the hell that means to anyone. However, we here at Saphan Loy headquarters believe the military occupation will last for some time.

As for the tolerance that Thais have historically shown for those living in the shadows of the Go Go circuit, the wind now blows in the opposite direction. The internet, too, has rendered what was once highly visible (albeit seedy and disgraceful), discreet and private. Yes, even in the Land of Vertical Smiles. It was a confidence game from the beginning, a dismal side note in the history of globalisation. But who didn’t love the experience while it lasted? The world is rapidly changing, and the satisfaction of crude, cheap “neo-colonial” fantasies a quickly fading thing of the past.

Now the expats of Thailand are ratcheting up tension on various fora and antiquated bulletin board services about the serious curtailment of alcoholic beverage service throughout the Kingdom. If this turns out to be the beginning of a prohibition of sorts, you may do one of two things in our book.

Pole us out of here.

One, you can enjoy the respite from alcohol that sobriety will permit you. Take a long hard look around you and see how you feel about Thailand then. Move to a small village, counsel the headman about the marriage of his stunning daughter, cultivate jackfruit, and take long boating excursions on the Mekong River. Admittedly, Lek and Tuy are giving me a look just now that suggests that they would not be happy leaving our fair city. And judging by their advanced-stage alcoholism, they are unlikely to consent to a life without alcohol.

But as the man of the house, I reminded them that during this sober interlude for all of us, they will have ample time in their new responsibilities to reflect in gratitude for all that I have given them, as the two of them, simple in appearance, graceful, strong, brown and lean beneath their straw hats, shall harmoniously pole my craft wherever the hell I tell them to.

Where to handsome man?

Or two, you can learn via your local library how to build and operate your own rice whiskey still on your soon-to-be re-nationalised property. Sure, you may get a visit from the Thai military to candidly discuss the wisdom of running a distillery, but if you have plenty of drinks on hand I would wager it would make you an honorary Thai soldier in no time.

The New Happy Hour

Finally, and perhaps most embarrassingly, the Stick has publicized an account of his complete incompetence as a business man in his latest column. Although I am not sure who is more foolish: the person who offered $150K for the site, or Stick for the offer’s refusal. Stickman’s greed, coupled with his gross overestimation of the potential of the site, have ensured that the site will likely remain unsold for years to come while the Stick hopes against hope that Thailand will revert to the land of no money, no honey.

In that time, the value of the site (now provisionally set at the outrageous $150K mark) will decline precipitously as the military occupation drags on indefinitely and harsher social conditions are imposed by the junta. Furthermore, the site requires a tremendous amount of overhaul (which Stick blithely ignored for the past 10 years) that should further reduce its attractiveness as the labour required to update the site would be onerous and mostly pointless. For the record, nobody clicks on advertisements anymore.

Last call.

Last call.

The Stick doesn’t have a lot of leverage in any case. Thailand is under military occupation, the nightlife is suffering substantially, the sex tourist visa issue has added uncertainty and risk, a policy of social prohibitions seems to be underway, and the internet now allows for the pursuit and location of one’s third-world pleasures with a greater ease and precision than a clunky HTML guide to bars could ever hope to achieve.

That and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee.

The View from Above

Jimmy Smithers Released…in his trousers

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2014 by สะพานลอย

First, sincere apologies for not getting news out of Jimmy Smithers sooner than this. Lek was just now lounging about Saphan Loy Central with a perpetual frown, like she wanted me to get up and entertain her. I told her to run along and catch a picture show. Lately she has been jealous of Tuy. Why this is happening is quite unclear. After all, Lek has some unique qualities about her which afford her the proper place as the primary wife: she is able to drink me under the table for starters, she could probably kick my ass up and down the soi without breaking a sweat, and her Kegel muscles are so strong that she must have spent her entire adult life inserting things into her vagina for sport.

Words of wisdom to those fortunate enough to secure the affections of two Thai women simultaneously: create few conditions whereby they have an opportunity to pull each other’s hair out, and keep your cutlery under lock and key.

That said. Oh, yes. Smithers.

Turns out, he had exaggerated his purported “run in” with the Thai military. He had been drinking for several days, that much is clear from the witness statements and surveillance video. But his problems with Thai officialdom resulted in actuality from his failure to pay a much older “woman who searches for food” for her evening of “services” which included, at one very low point, the insertion of her foot into his rectum for sensory erotic purposes. When Smithers frightened her with his incoherence, his inability to achieve an erection, and his unwillingness to remit her fee, she called the Thai gendarmes, and one of them, with an embarrassed almost apologetic smile, told him to pay her what he owed her: 1,000 baht.

Regardless of his reluctant fiduciary compliance, he was unable to walk down the single flight of stairs to the soi, and therefore needed medical assistance, which was happily provided by the lovely nursing staff at a provincial Thai hospital despite the fact that one of them had to give him a sponge bath, his first hygienic experience in perhaps several weeks if discounting his bizarre fortnightly “bathing” ritual in the Gulf of Thailand.

Enter Saphan Loy, Lek, and Tuy. Mainly, we forked over the emergency funding to get him back on his feet again and hopefully to an internationally qualified physician and attendant psychiatrist, the names of which were provided by the exasperated staff at his embassy. Lek and Tuy also made a phone call to the province where he was temporarily domiciled in his grim little hospital room to have two fat ripe Durians and a bottle of whiskey (obviously against hospital policy) delivered directly to his bedside table over the timid protestations of the head nurse.

Smithers argued that he had no hand grenades at time of admission.

Smithers argued that he had no hand grenades at time of admission.

At any rate, faithful readers, my apologies. I have allowed that fat prick Jimmy to interfere with my whole plan for the last time. Now that the world is ending, or at least as illustrated by the last gasps of the dying nightlife of Thailand which, now mortally wounded, kicks its legs erratically the way an animal might after being struck by a moving vehicle, we should focus on what remains fun in the Kingdom, for those who will still remain here after the 30-day sex tourist visas wallpapered in their passports result in a sudden, military-like departure from the Kingdom, paid for in full by them or their perturbed families.

In even better news, our old companion Mobi has opened a bar on some dubious lake on the outskirts of Pattaya at what is perhaps the worst time imaginable: during a military occupation of the country’s economy, a plummeting baht, and a badly damaged tourist sector. Not surprisingly, he has recently become depressed again. And while I am not plugging his bar for sympathy reasons, Lek and Tuy (and I) strongly recommend you pay him a visit on the dark side of the lake. Mobi is keeping the fires burning, putting up the good fight, and all that, and for that we should be grateful.

Bring me my breakfast. Make sure it is ice cold please.

I am certain she will serve my English breakfast as I take it: ice cold and in the bottle.

Now, while we just admitted we were not doing this out of the pure goodness of our darkened and twisted hearts, it is our hope that we may be recompensed in kind when the three of us take a jaunt out into the countryside and require refreshing libation, tasteful music, actual conversation in properly enunciated English, a variety of food offerings, and additional female companionship (should Lek and Tuy humour an old man like me, of course.)

Is everyone wearing a seat belt?

Is everyone wearing a seat belt?

It is my hope that at the very least, the drive out there had better involve a nice long Thai back massage (more than ten minutes, or I will take away those damned cell phones, ladies!) while I thread the Saphan Loy Dream Machine through the inexplicable traffic patterns (or complete lack thereof) that suddenly confront us, the ancient Heil lorries loaded with chemicals, cement, sewerage, and God knows what else, bearing down on wobbly motorbikes, bullock carts, and sundry rattletraps that defy basic principals of mechanical engineering, as we struggle with the wisdom of such an undertaking in the first place.

And we won’t invite Jimmy Smithers. That is a promise.

 

The View from Above

Saphan Loy’s Account of the Thai Military Occupation

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 8, 2014 by สะพานลอย

Well, first some sour news for those of you wondering where we have been. Longtime readers will recall our former friend, Jimmy Smithers, who has had his fair share of problems, medical, psychological, and moral. For the longest time, he had lost touch with us, following his own downward spiral living alone in the United States, alcoholic, sexless. About eight months ago, he managed somehow (with the assistance of a minor windfall that allowed him to purchase an airline ticket) to travel back to Thailand. Occasionally, he would drunkenly call the Saphan Loy hotline, insult Lek with some choice vulgarities he had been cultivating in his imbecilic brain, and not be heard from again for weeks, sometimes months.

Let’s skip ahead to this coup d’état, which has made Thailand about as attractive of a tourist destination as North Korea in midwinter. Recently, Lek and I received a strange and garbled telephone call from the Thai-Cambodian border crossing at Poipet. And yes, it involves Jimmy Smithers, that fat fuck. The Thai military had detained him after an incident at some derelict bar on the Thai side. According to the authorities, he had been drinking for four straight days and was under the influence of a powerful barbiturate that Cambodians reserve for controlling its genetically inferior livestock.

Poipet border crossing

Poipet border crossing

What happened at the bar is unclear, and we can only surmise at this point. However, we had our lawyer (one of Lek’s family “friends”) contact the military commander in charge of Sa Kaeo province to see if this could be sorted out amicably for poor old Smithers.

Now, let me warn readers in all due seriousness. Saphan Loy is not going to sugarcoat the whole military situation the way StickmanBangkok so blithely has.

The coup d’état is real. And they mean business.

The military commanders reported that sometime around 3:00 AM on the previous Tuesday morning, Smithers launched into a political tirade, incomprehensible to most, made several rude gestures with parts of his anatomy, attempted to hoist his fat arse onto the bar itself which then precipitated a rapid structural degradation of the bar-top collapsing it like dry bamboo under his weight, which, in turn, compromised the walls of the flimsy structure that had been built to accommodate the fly-by-night watering hole. He had said some pretty offensive things, the poor old bugger. Were I there to counsel him, I would have pounced on his grotesque body and forcefully clamped his mouth shut.

The military immediately detained him and we haven’t heard from him since.

Now, all things considered, life for farang is pretty much normal in this period of dark political uncertainty, particularly in Bangkok. We can still come and go as we please as long as we observe a curfew and do not stir up the shit-pot. And yes, the bars are still open, though largely empty and depressing. However, I know I am speaking for a large contingent of resident expats (including the Bay Area Boyfriends) when I say that it could be worse.

We should all thank our lucky stars that we have not been rounded up at gunpoint and sent by railway out into the countryside to begin a “reeducated” life of collective rice farming on sprawling communes owned and operated by InTouch Holdings PLC (formerly Shin Corp) of which the largest shareholder is Singapore’s Temasak Holdings through a subsidiary called Aspen Holdings Ltd at 41.62% of the company. I ain’t gonna work on Yingluck’s farm no more!

Curfews and fear have put a major damper on my wandering of the red light districts of Bangkok. So what’s a serious hedonist to do in the city during difficult political times? Well, for one, stock up. And I don’t mean on Sri Racha sauce and pla duk. I mean on bar girls.

What started as a nuisance has become something much worse. And Lek is none too pleased. Here’s the thing. When you have one mia luang, and you want to bring mia noi into the flat, you will encounter, how do I say it with sensitivity, challenges.

My impulse was almost charitable. Lek has known about Tuy for the better part of the year and has been very tolerant of our harmless crush. Tuy hails from the metropolis of Lopburi, and she is a tad darker (maybe two tones) than Lek, and younger with beautiful long black hair, a stunning smile, and piercing eyes. I suggested to her that, because of the well-known wild monkeys in her home town, perhaps she is part sex monkey herself.

Lek's new "friend", Tuy

Lek’s new “friend”, Tuy

At any rate, Tuy was caught out by the coup. She did not have the cash-flow to go all the way back to Lopburi, and she certainly didn’t want to stay in a crowded little place with several other catty farm girls who menstruate at the same time, so I invited her to stay with us until this all blows over.

Lek, as you may suspect, was furious. But since I am the man of the house, I insisted. I warned Lek that at a time of military occupation of the country, she should listen to my commands if she knows what would be best for her long-term peace and stability. In parallel to the new military order, I have become emboldened to act like General MacArthur in my own home, in complete command of two Thai bar girls. Yes, it is a challenge. But like MacArthur, my resolve is like newly forged steel.

So there it is folks. As I write this, Tuy is watching something mindless on the television (more of the same, Thai military processions and poorly-composed patriotic anthems) while picking her nose. Lek is in our bedroom taking a nap. And to be perfectly honest, I am enjoying every minute of this military “interlude”. It’s about time we had some structure and order around here.

The View from Above

Saphan Loy to Purchase Stickman Bangkok

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , on April 1, 2014 by สะพานลอย

After several tense rounds of negotiations with the Stickman over several rounds of bia sot (the Stick mostly drank Coca Colas and fiddled with his expensive camera) at an unnamed bar in Patpong, the Stick and I have come to a monumental agreement that will change the equation in reportage on the brothel districts of Thailand. Upon the Stick’s retirement, Saphan Loy will take over the Stickman Bangkok site and will be responsible for the Stickman Weekly segment as well as advertisement transactions that are a cornerstone of the site. Financial terms will not be disclosed, but both parties agree that the deal makes sense financially and from an editorial perspective.

“It’s been a good run, but I’m sure Saphan Loy and Lek will be able to carry on the tradition for me. While the Bangkok nightlife scene is decaying, I feel my services would be more welcome in Phnom Penh,” the Stickman commented as he hinted at the possibility of a Stickman Cambodia site in the works.

As the Stick looks toward greener passages, Saphan Loy looks forward to taking the helm at the vaunted Stickman Bangkok franchise. Yes, the Go-go scene is hitting rock bottom, yes, the lookers are few and far between while the dregs continue to unconvincingly lure “handsome man” to shady and corrupt nightclubs, but Lek and I feel that our reviews of bars, “naughty” places, watering holes, bdsm and blowjob clubs, and the sex practices of sex tourists will be a welcome respite to the horribly slanted and jaded Stickman Weekly, which, in reflection of the general decline of the scene in general, has declined in readership appreciably.

Saphan Loy will continue the Girl of the Week Feature

Saphan Loy will continue the Girl of the Week Feature

Our first priority will be to revive the sagging number of hits that Stickman Weekly generates. It is way off its all-time high achieved at the time of the John Galt debacle. Unlike the content of the site now, we will also be introducing a video segment that will share erotic clips of readers with their lovely Thai rental ladies. We believe that this feature alone will double the currently dwindling readership.

In addition to our new roles, which Lek and I are preparing for with great excitement, we will be converting the Stickman site into a subscription-based service with added features for Gold Plan and Platinum Plan members. Details forthcoming. In addition, we plan to rehire Teacher Tim the Clown at double the salary his English language school paid him for his witty observations. Negotiations are also in process with a guest columnist whose name will surprise and delight red light readers everywhere.

Lek and I wish to assure longtime Stickman fans that the Stickman brand will continue to flourish, even as the nightlife itself becomes more and more moribund and depressing. After all, Saphan Loy thrives in these conditions, and moreso when the cards are stacked against him.

 

The View from Above

 

Japanese News in the Chinese Year of the Horse’s Ass

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2014 by สะพานลอย

Normally, we don’t comment on the complex internal affairs of a country, especially the one where we live, work, and attempt to have sex with anything that’s not bolted down. But we are often curious about how foreign media portrays the situation, or how bloggers occasionally poke their camera lenses up the nostrils of the Thai people. Because western media largely caters to those seeking the perverse, most up-to-date information on Hillary Clinton’s prescription drug abuse, and gleefully reports on sex scandals in American higher education (like Big Baby Kenny Ng, PhD), I turned this time to Asian media to get a better sense how they report on political situations.

If you really need a snapshot of Thai politics at the moment, here it is. And with this, Saphan Loy will say no more. In a roughly cyclical nature in line with the rice harvest, you have two large groups of people who gather in Bangkok and wave plastic feet, signs, flags, etc., to affirm their “Thai-ness.” Sometimes someone throws a hand grenade. Then, things settle down for a while, and it all happens again. What should we care, especially as the rural provinces continuously supply us with our beautiful, idolatrous comfort women, two per lap, right at the bar and right here in the “elite” city of Bangkok? You won’t catch me complaining. Though you might hear a few words of complaint from Lek.

Politics as usual

Politics as usual

Anyway, if you want to turn your frustrated libido toward efforts at deconstructing Thai politics, you may take a gander at the New Mandala where various western egg-heads engage in pissing contests with each other over the trivia of what a modern feudalistic society looks like in this epoch of re-branding, renaming, “democratizing”, and deciding, in most cases involving Southeast Asian politics, finally, not to call a spade a spade. Isn’t it time that the West (yes, including Australia) concedes that democracy is not one size fits all? Indeed some societies may be ill-suited to the veneer of democracy that solely provides the smokescreen for capitalism’s power-seeking machinery.

In my research on intra-Asian media attention to Thailand, however, we discovered just how difficult it is to be a female reporter on news programs in Japan. While Yuko (my occasional Japanese translator and cosplay partner) tries to persuade me that I am not witnessing an actual newscast, I occasionally fault her for her mangled English skills. She usually says “No” when she means “Yes” and vice versa

What follows is shocking, disgusting, and deplorable. I offer a few still frames from Japanese newscasts (of which the Internet seems to have many examples of such)  for your consideration, but I beg you to do your own research.

Breaking news

Breaking news

So I will say to Yuko, This is a real broadcast, not a fictional one? And she will reply “Yes.” You mean it’s real? “No” But it appears she is telling us about the weather while men masturbate on her. “Yes.” But it’s not real? “No”. It goes on like this seemingly forever.

How can the viewer concentrate on such serious news from China?

How can the viewer concentrate on such serious news from China?

Is it like this every night on television? “Yes” You mean this happens all the time? “No. This make for men. It is dirty movie.” But why? “Some men excite.” But is the news story real? “Yes. It like a news story. She read news story and men make a bukkake on her.” Why do Japanese men like to see this? “Maybe something we eat in our diet, like a shellfish. Or maybe they have problem with head.”

Chinese Year of the Horse’s Ass

Happy New Year to the Bay Area Boyz, and Big Baby Kenny too! Light some fire crackers, send me some cash-filled red envelopes, and take a drink from the bottle of liquor with the coiled rattlesnake pickled within for me. I wish you all the best in the Year of the Horse’s Ass.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year!

The View from Above