Archive for Bangkok

Sex Tourist Visas, Alcohol, Stickman: All on the Chopping Block

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2014 by สะพานลอย

If you have been following at all the deranged chatter of the Thai sex tourism blogs and sites, then you all well know that your multiple Sex Tourist Visas that fill the pages of your passports like a private stamp collection of shame and degradation will earn you something nobody had ever expected: a Thai Military exit visa.

True, these multiple sex tourist visas were meant to circumvent the laxly enforced border policies that Thailand had maintained in more promising times. However, if you have entered and reentered on these visas in the past, you were nonetheless violating the spirit of Thailand’s immigration policy and should have endeavoured to secure proper paperwork to begin with.

Sex Tourist Visas have been discontinued in the Land of Smile.

What it all boils down to, then, is economics and planning. Those who are too poor to establish themselves professionally in Thailand or who do not have the resources to prove that they are “retired” will have to vacate their bar stools in whatever blowjob bar they now call home, and find a more welcoming environment than a Thai immigration deportation cell. If the floundering sex industry of Thailand needed further help in its already sad decline, this is the nail in the coffin.

The only real solution at this point would be Thailand’s return to “democratic” representation, whatever the hell that means to anyone. However, we here at Saphan Loy headquarters believe the military occupation will last for some time.

As for the tolerance that Thais have historically shown for those living in the shadows of the Go Go circuit, the wind now blows in the opposite direction. The internet, too, has rendered what was once highly visible (albeit seedy and disgraceful), discreet and private. Yes, even in the Land of Vertical Smiles. It was a confidence game from the beginning, a dismal side note in the history of globalisation. But who didn’t love the experience while it lasted? The world is rapidly changing, and the satisfaction of crude, cheap “neo-colonial” fantasies a quickly fading thing of the past.

Now the expats of Thailand are ratcheting up tension on various fora and antiquated bulletin board services about the serious curtailment of alcoholic beverage service throughout the Kingdom. If this turns out to be the beginning of a prohibition of sorts, you may do one of two things in our book.

Pole us out of here.

One, you can enjoy the respite from alcohol that sobriety will permit you. Take a long hard look around you and see how you feel about Thailand then. Move to a small village, counsel the headman about the marriage of his stunning daughter, cultivate jackfruit, and take long boating excursions on the Mekong River. Admittedly, Lek and Tuy are giving me a look just now that suggests that they would not be happy leaving our fair city. And judging by their advanced-stage alcoholism, they are unlikely to consent to a life without alcohol.

But as the man of the house, I reminded them that during this sober interlude for all of us, they will have ample time in their new responsibilities to reflect in gratitude for all that I have given them, as the two of them, simple in appearance, graceful, strong, brown and lean beneath their straw hats, shall harmoniously pole my craft wherever the hell I tell them to.

Where to handsome man?

Or two, you can learn via your local library how to build and operate your own rice whiskey still on your soon-to-be re-nationalised property. Sure, you may get a visit from the Thai military to candidly discuss the wisdom of running a distillery, but if you have plenty of drinks on hand I would wager it would make you an honorary Thai soldier in no time.

The New Happy Hour

Finally, and perhaps most embarrassingly, the Stick has publicized an account of his complete incompetence as a business man in his latest column. Although I am not sure who is more foolish: the person who offered $150K for the site, or Stick for the offer’s refusal. Stickman’s greed, coupled with his gross overestimation of the potential of the site, have ensured that the site will likely remain unsold for years to come while the Stick hopes against hope that Thailand will revert to the land of no money, no honey.

In that time, the value of the site (now provisionally set at the outrageous $150K mark) will decline precipitously as the military occupation drags on indefinitely and harsher social conditions are imposed by the junta. Furthermore, the site requires a tremendous amount of overhaul (which Stick blithely ignored for the past 10 years) that should further reduce its attractiveness as the labour required to update the site would be onerous and mostly pointless. For the record, nobody clicks on advertisements anymore.

Last call.

Last call.

The Stick doesn’t have a lot of leverage in any case. Thailand is under military occupation, the nightlife is suffering substantially, the sex tourist visa issue has added uncertainty and risk, a policy of social prohibitions seems to be underway, and the internet now allows for the pursuit and location of one’s third-world pleasures with a greater ease and precision than a clunky HTML guide to bars could ever hope to achieve.

That and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee.

The View from Above

Saphan Loy’s Year End Roundup and Shameful Holiday Greetings!

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2013 by สะพานลอย
Time to stuff some stockings.

Time to stuff some stockings.

Christmastime in the red light districts of Bangkok is a special time. The booze flows freely, the ladyboys prance about in a state of magical, yaa baa-induced wonder like sugarplum fairies, and the Stickman takes a moment to reflect on all of the beautiful Thai courtesans whom he assiduously refused to have sex with in 2013. The “naughty webmaster” for “naughty boys” will likely be rewarded for his efforts with big black lumps of coal in a torn fishnet stocking hanging glumly from his limp mosquito net.

Even my special assistant, Lek, is unusually festive as she busies herself around the Saphan Loy executive suite picking up empty beer bottles and scrubbing the stains out of the faux leather divan where, in between long periods of writing and drinking, I have expended considerable fluids in sating the out-of-control, simian-like libido of a brown-skinned idolater. By the way, she despised part one of the Saphan Loy’s Thai Ladies for Dummies™ guide, mainly because she, like all Thais, does not like to have our “dirty laundry” aired in a public forum. Nonetheless, for her insolence, she will be amply rewarded in the new year.

Yes, gentle readers, it’s that time of year again. Time to take stock of what has been an utterly sordid and shameful year in the red-light districts of Bangkok, and for the bloggers who have attempted to type a word or two about their equally unsavoury experiences. 2013 also marked the dramatic disappearance of some from the game, as well the dogged persistence of the few who remain, banging the tired gong of their own misguided takes on why Cambodia and the Philippines are starting to look better and better.

The Departed

BigBabyKenny.com is defunct.

BigBabyKenny.com is defunct.

The biggest departure of 2013 was the abandonment of the now defunct BigBabyKenny.com. Not with a bang, but a whimper. The bloated sex professor most likely abandoned his blog in part because of a new and punitive teaching schedule which has kept him from a dubious hobby that once saw him board a Boeing 757 bound for sex paradise every summer, just as soon as the last of his retarded undergraduate students left his office after complaining about their depressed grades and threatening to have their mothers call him directly. Mercifully, he has even stopped authoring the ridiculous comments in which Professor Ng shares everything from references to pedophilia, racial remarks on the US presidency, and homophobic slurs aimed at Thailand’s transgendered community.

The second departure this past year has been the disappearance of Bangkok Buddy, a gentle soul who only sought out “happy memories” among the cheapest brothels, free buffets, and dive bars of Bangkok. In return, his cadre of Chinese friends, who bizarrely call themselves “The Bay Area Boyz”, turned on him and drove him off the Internet. The story behind his disappearance is complicated, and we have written about the sordid details previously. The lesson in the Bangkok Buddy (and his “Bay Area Boyfriends”) story is that you should carefully evaluate your “friends” in Thailand. Are they mentally ill? Is this mental instability the result of too many drugs, or a strange Syphillitic condition brought on by overexposure to tropical venereal diseases? You must choose wisely.

The "Bay Area Boyz" of Bangkok celebrating Christmas.

The “Bay Area Boyz” of Bangkok celebrating Christmas. Photo courtesy of Chris Madeira.

Still Plugging Along: The Museum Sites

The Stickman of Bangkok continues his efforts at creating the seamless infomercial for all things commercial sex in Southeast Asia, including his oft-featured ladyboy escort sites which he plugs repeatedly. Knowing how much of a prude the Stick is, we wonder if 2014 will be the year he allows one to plug him as well. Now that would be worth a read.

While 2013 saw very little variation in his advertisement blog, he nonetheless did add a widely criticized “Girl of the Week” section, in which he features the homeliest of Thailand’s bar girls who offer a stark reminder that it is better to depart well before the cock crows if one is to preserve the hazy alcoholic image of your bar-fined assignation from the night before.

One of the main weaknesses of this feature is that it throws unflattering light on the girls in question and by extension on the entire bar culture in Bangkok. Without beer goggles, the plain Janes, or plain “Leks” of the chrome pole seem wan and distant and somewhat malnourished. They appear almost as lifeless and uninteresting as a horrid Chris Coles painting. We at Saphan Loy have decided that the Stickman is no longer as relevant as he was, say, in 2002. Therefore, he joins the ranks of Saphan Loy’s “Museum Sites.” These are sites that have not changed their general appearance (think primary colours, slapdash HTML, and banner ads), content, or their format since their ill-advised conceptions. They shrink from technical innovation and change, and are stuck in time, like a Polaroid picture of a bar-girl staining the sheets of some short-time hotel in Pattaya.

Bangkok Eyes: Midnight Hour

Our friend Will Morledge over at Bangkok Eyes is still at it. Although Saphan Loy has teased him in the past, we have to admit that his site has become more interesting as he has started to publish more historical information and archival photographs. Have a look at his December column for some visually satisfying images from the former Mississippi Queen bar in Patpong. In the ever-changing field of Bangkok red-light blogs and websites, Morledge’s persistent longevity is really quite admirable and worth a look every month.

Joy from the Missippi Queen Bar, circa 1970s. See Bangkokeyes.com.

Joy from the Mississippi Queen Bar, circa 1970s. See Bangkokeyes.com.

Red-Light Bloggers Still Pounding Away

Mobi d’Ark. Our friend Mobi is also, bless his soul, still having a seat in front of his keyboard and sharing his thoughts and impressions of the world of a Pattaya expat. He is also making available his literary efforts online, and should you be interested in Thailand-based fiction, have a look at his offerings. Mobi, who has endured various hardships this past year, remains a stalwart of the Thai blogging scene. We hope he keeps at it.

Finally, for those of you who miss the Big Mango Bar blog, rest assured that you can still get your fix over at Mango Unchained, a continuation of sorts of the old blog, only a bit more subdued and with a great improvement in the quality of the writing. Graham, who moderates the blog, does an excellent job selecting stories and keeping things moving along.

The premise behind the blog is that these are stories that feature things to do away from the neon glare of the bars themselves, and focus more on expat life in the company of your special Thai lady friends. These are often interesting vignettes into the strange habits and ways of the Thai lady, and how they behave outside of captivity. However, you will still find a story or two about an amusing pub crawl. Well worth a look in 2014.

The Year Ahead

Speaking of special Thai lady friends, look for more of Saphan Loy’s words of wisdom on the treatment of our executive assistant, Lek. As ever, we will task her with various degrading assignments throughout Bangkok, ferreting out information for use in this column. She is quite the สายลับ and she knows the backstreets of our mean city like the back of her graceful, elongated hands.

So, as long as you are sober or sane enough to type a URL into your browser, or remember to make Saphan Loy your main source of information on all things Thai red-light blogs, we will endeavour to type up this column for your edification. Lek and I wish you and yours a very Happy Christmas and New Year, and may all of your red-light district experiences be sordid and disgraceful! Who knows? Perhaps we will meet somewhere on Patpong and I will happily autograph your Thai bargirl’s small, boy-like breasts (with No. 2 pencil eraser nipples) with my felt-tip pen. For a nominal fee, of course.

With that, we leave you with Saphan Loy’s Girl of the New Year! Enjoy!

Saphan Loy’s Girl of the New Year:

The Lovely Kim XXX or Manga

Kim XXX, or Manga, Thai German Porn Star
Kim XXX, or Manga, Thai-German Porn Star

Name: Kim XXX, or Manga

Official Website 

Age: 26

Nationality: German

Languages: German and Thai

Special Skills: Engaging in depraved group sex scenes with German men,

consuming the semen of multiple donors, Thai cooking, reading “ka-toon”

Kim XXX, or Manga, is an amazing actress, and a real Thai sweetheart. She is a Thai sex machine who speaks German. What more could one ask for? Her performance range is unlike anything you will likely see in your alcoholically foreshortened lifetimes. She is petite, hard-bodied, and pumped up with enough silicone to firestop a skyscraper. Her twisted German overlords feature her on a site called German Goo Girls (I’ll leave it to you to do your own research), where they make her the degraded object of their Teutonic perversions. Happy New Year, Manga!

The View from Above

Chris Coles and Bangkok Noir Redux. And Redux. And Redux….And Redux…

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2013 by สะพานลอย

Paint by Numbers

Those indefatigable academic men at work from Down Under over at New Mandala have given Chris Coles pride of place in a February 15th posting in which the paint-maker describes, yet again in the event that you’ve missed his bizarre explanations in the past (or if you failed to purchase the book called Navigating the Bangkok Noir), why his art is exactly like German expressionism, why it is important, why writers like Stephen Leather (Banging Bill’s Wife) and Christopher G. Moore (Pattaya 24/7 and The Wisdom of Beer) are part of this “noir” movement, etc, etc. 

It is somewhat surprising that the learned professors who run New Mandala have allowed Coles to drone on and on about this topic, although perhaps less surprising that Saphan Loy’s response to the post was moderated out of existence. It went something like this:

Chris Coles’ guest post has all the hallmarks of a self-serving, self-congratulatory navel-gazing think-piece clearly intended to revive a moribund interest in his book of the same name, and to generate some sympathy for this idea that his work and the work of others somehow constitutes an expressionist movement unique to Bangkok’s grim underbelly. There are so many things wrong with this from an intellectual perspective that it is difficult to know where to begin. First, there is something inherently artificial in attempting to broadly create an “artistic” movement of expatriate “artists” (mostly down-on-their luck expatriates who also happen to spend inordinate amounts of time in Bangkok’s brothel districts while scribbling implausible stories on bar napkins), where there simply is none. Coles lumps his own painting efforts, the macabre neon results of which are perhaps best-suited for the interior of a carnival funhouse, with the scribbling of typists like Christopher Moore, Stephen Leather, and Jon Burdett, whose collective fictive output is largely unreadable and place an undo strain on wood-pulp processing factories as well as the digital backbone of the Internet. In fact, Stephen Leather has recently taken to giving away digital copies of “erotic” short stories on Amazon with titles like “Banging Bill’s Wife.”  The most commercially popular of this sorry lot is Jon Burdett, but even his Bangkok-based stories do little justice to the nuanced reality and cultural complexity of living in a place like Thailand, and they have little to no bearing on Coles’ imagined “noir” movement. What is equally distressing about this whole misguided effort is that the concept of noir, as an extension of the German expressionism that Coles so admires, is essentially being grafted onto one very narrow aspect of Thai urban culture, namely the red-light districts that cater to white foreign men. There is very little of the native Thai voice to be found in his concept of Bangkok noir (or Southeast Asian noir) or whatever; and when Thais do appear, they are merely prostitutes, drug dealers, or murderers or corrupt public servants. One can hope and think and try to will into existence some grand artistic movement until the water buffalo comes home. But if other scholars, writers, art critics, and historians of Southeast Asia are directing their gaze elsewhere, or fail to see any artistic merit whatever in the examples Coles provides, then the overly ambitious Bangkok noir movement is destined to be consigned to the collective digital shrug of the Internet’s ever-shortening memory.   

coles3

Now, Lek and I occasionally read some of the postings over on the New Mandala site, which we had mistakenly believed was a place of lively academic debate and rigorous intellectual exploration. (Lek finds anything with too many words “boring”.) Instead what one has come to expect from New Mandala is a small coterie of like-minded individuals, exhibiting all of the mutually masturbatory inclinations of a left-leaning graduate school seminar, who seem to save the lion’s share of their consternation for the institution of the Thai monarchy and the threadbare cliche of corrupt Southeast Asian politics (the amount of ink that has been spilled tilting after this windmill in the Western academy shows no signs of drying, so long as another PhD can be squeezed profitably from the tired hackwork of political scientists flummoxed by Southeast Asia’s historically-grounded patron-client networks.)

Poseidon Massage Parlor

Here is Coles’s take on corruption in Bangkok (or Southeast Asia by extension):

A world where endemic corruption is not only considered to be “normal” and “permanent” but even “essential”.

In most of these artistic works, there always seems to be double helpings of Impunity, disenfranchisement, South East Asia Big Men, a complete lack of any meaningful Rule of Law, almost no actual rights inherently belonging to the individual.

Coles makes clear in the beginning of his post that he is not an intellectual, but an “artist”. He admits this probably to deflect attention from the weakness of his arguments and the implausibility of his observations (generally limited to the area in proximity to Bangkok’s red-light districts). Even so, in a forum like New Mandala, the claims he makes here about the absence of Rule of Law in Southeast Asia, and the lack of “actual rights belonging to the individual” should at least invite some scrutiny or critical circumspection, at the very minimum. Instead, the editors at New Mandala decided that Coles was immune from pointed criticism, and so his post has all of the characteristics of a bully-pulpit, a kind of meandering journey through a painter’s untutored mind.

Homosexual Bars in Bangkok

We will leave this tired story (which shows no signs of going gently into that noirish night) with some parting words from Coles, which have the nasty chemical buzz of paranoia the kind usually associated with psychedelic drug abuse:

Individuals are frequently and arbitrarily subject to state and Big Man violence, selective and biased law enforcement, sometimes even assassination and disappearances. 

The View from Above

Bangkok Buddy and the Sex Doll

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2013 by สะพานลอย

Recently, Lek and I had the grave misfortune of clicking over to the Bangkok Buddy’s last will and testament blog. If we weren’t depressed before offending our eyes with this obvious evidence of a sex tourist who could use a long “rest” in a carefully monitored environment where he might receive the round-the-clock attention of a team of seasoned medical professionals, we were certainly much more miserable thereafter. Lek tends to have a knee-jerk reaction of sympathy for older men who are suffering the private shame and horrors of their self-imposed (or financially-imposed) asceticism, and we think that this played a role in crushing her spirits for the remainder of the day, which meant no glazing of the Thai doughnut for me today. Thanks, Buddy.

At any rate, for those of you who tolerate the Bangkok Buddy’s dismal chronicle of what it would be like to be impoverished, hungry, always looking, never touching, and living in the land of sex milk and no money no honey, you may have inadvertently stumbled upon this gem recently. In this post, aptly titled “toilet run news”, Bangkok Buddy and his band of penny-pinching poopy-makers debate the investment value and the pros and cons of purchasing a sex doll. Poor Lek. She was at a complete loss, so we tried to cobble together a Thai translation: ตุ๊กตาเซ็กซ์, which of course generated even more confusion.

Asians tend to be oddly accepting of the idea of having sex with inanimate objects.

Asians tend to be oddly accepting of the idea of having sex with inanimate objects.

And then it struck me. Bangkok Buddy and his perverse platoon of mongoloids are literally living in an environment where the economies of desire strongly suggest that a sex doll, say one of those fancy Japanese models that usually go for a pretty penny, is not cheaper than a live Isaan farm girl. It seems surprising that Bangkok Buddy’s penny-pinching ways have not taught him how to pick up a live Thai farm girl for a song, and keep her on retainer as a, heaven forbid, “girlfriend”, with vague and exaggerated promises of some future payoff from an imaginary (but certainly dwindling) bank account.

But we suppose that our advice, plus fifty cents, would get you a cup of coffee.

Thai Bar Girls are a Dime a Dozen

Thai Bar Girls are a Dime a Dozen

If he is serious about the sex doll, perhaps Bangkok Buddy should peruse the offerings at Orient Industry here, and carefully select one to his perverted specifications. However, these may be well out of his price range. For the cash-strapped, we recommend the nice blonde doll shown below. She seems like a good sport, a cheap date, and perhaps a heavy drinker, all rolled into one hot latex sex machine. 

You come here often?

You come here often?

Hell, if even this one would stretch Bangkok Buddy’s paltry budget, perhaps he should go one step further, and simply use a disposable latex glove.

The View from Above

2012 Stumbles to an Ignominius End

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2012 by สะพานลอย

….and 2013 looks no better for the motley group of fools who continue with their dubious output of words and poorly framed photographs depicting the brothel districts of Thailand, from the disgraced professors and teachers (Big Baby Kenny Ng and Stickman), to the humdrum typists of pulp e-books which nobody purchases (Stephen Blather et. al.), to the marginally retarded (Bangkok Buddy and Kent Hammond). Normally, Saphan Loy would conduct a “blow-by-blow” analysis of the year in review, but sadly, it seems that the whole year was a washout for the barflies of Bangkok.

The holiday season in Thailand’s red light districts is a grim reminder that there are many lost souls from around the world who continue to gravitate to these places, washed up has-beens, lovelorn, hopeless, and thirsty, compelled by the biological imperatives of their unmanageable vices, motivated by the squalid reward of a short-time hotel room, a cheap sex enhancement drug, and a Thai rice farmer’s daughter or two. Or a Thai rice farmer’s son in drag who happens to possess an artificially added set of double DDs and a chemically induced uncircumcised hard-on, or a surgically altered vaginal skin-fold.

It is a time when our favourite bar girls, mamasans, and bartenders are trotted out in the cheapest of Christmas-themed lingerie and paraded around sticky barroom floors in darkened corners of cheap, third-world gin mills, enticed by a few hundred baht and the false promise of an improvement in their stations in life.

It is the time of year to drown regrets in rice whiskey, or the local non-potable lager, and to stifle the merest threat of an emerging sense of conscience, any images of domesticity that we left behind elsewhere in the developed world where we once may have had friends and family, or even the thought, “What the hell am I doing here?”

It is also the time of the year when we can imagine, although remotely and through the artifice of fiction, a character much like George Bailey, driven to despair by financial catastrophe in the timeless American classic It’s a Wonderful Life, who attempts suicide only to be shown a life without his presence in the world, followed by a dramatic, heart-warming redemption.

We can picture, for example, Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng, clinically depressed by the mistakes of his life, his failures as an economist/school teacher, his morbid obesity, his disgraceful and very public fall from grace, and his grotesque appetite for young Thai bargirls, contemplating suicide on a barstool somewhere in Saphan Khwai (yes, he has sunk this low), while drunkenly crying in his cups and muttering dark curses at his imagined enemies and the success of others. Yes, we can see him, his ego stung by the utterance of a snaggle-toothed ladyboy who has just called him a khii mao, in this Saphan Khwai hellhole, his life story spooling away from him like the sad and sordid conclusion to an old 16 mm stag film he vaguely remembers from his misspent youth witnessing the fabled Tijuana donkey show flickering on a yellowing wall in his dorm room.

And we can hope, as we watch him in this Saphan Khwai watering hole, trying to find an outlet for his laptop and arguing with the mamasan in a language he does not understand, that Ng will come to meet an angel who will put his arm around his shoulder and say, “But you have had a wonderful life, Professor Ng.” And when this dreary holiday fable comes to its conclusion in the darkened karaoke parlor, and those grim concluding words appear, “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends”, we will all sigh deeply, because, well, we know how Ng has mistreated his friends and alienated his colleagues irreparably.

My lovely assistant Lek is in tears, daubing at her almond eyes with a Kleenex, the poor thing. Ok, enough of your blubbering. Get me a drink. And put on that skimpy Father Christmas costume I purchased for you.

Similarly, we can wish at this time of year that the celebrated scribe of the red light districts, the Stickman, is visited by a Dickensian scene, the bar girl of Christmas past, who appears to him in his Bangkok high-rise bound in the chains of oppression that he has caused by stimulating a prurient interest in all things related to sex commerce. Awakened at midnight by the apparition, the Stick cowers under his mosquito net, while the bar girl of Christmas past says, “You handsome man no good man. You bad man.

Stickman is awakened at midnight by the bar girl of Christmas past.

The Stick mistakenly believes he is dreaming, and responds, “Is that Bernard Trink?”, then swallows another tranquilizer. His slumber thus returned, he is awakened soon thereafter by the bargirl of Christmas present, who shows him the horrid reality of plane-loads of elderly westerners arriving in Bangkok, all streaming into the big yellow vagina of Nana Plaza, depositing their baht along with their diseased chromosomal material, and leaving empty beer bottles and broken lives of the impoverished girls who remain behind staring hopefully at the dim glow emanating from their cellphones.

And finally, what of the bar girl of Christmas future? What tidings does she bring? Or he? And whither the red light districts in Thailand in 2013? Only the new year will tell. Lek has visited the witch doctor and received bad tidings. But I am optimistic. And rest assured gentle reader. In an ever more hostile cyber world, Saphan Loy will continue to be a “troll-free zone” and will remain a place where intelligent, adult discussion of all things Thai brothel districts is welcome, where sexpats and sex tourists can tune in for the latest deep analysis of the red light blogosphere and the bizarre bedfellows who populate it.

Therefore, may you and your bar girls or ladyboys (or donkeys) enjoy the best of the holiday season, and with hope look forward to another year of unabashed whoring and drinking and drugging all the while avoiding liver failure or cardiac arrest. And may all of your wishes at the Hindu shrines of Bangkok bring you the loves of your life, prosperity, and just enough success to continue your binges without guilt, shame, or remorse of any kind.

Happy New Year!

Yours truly, and my lovely assistant Lek.

The View from Above

Co-Author of Big Baby Kenny Ng Blog Revealed

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Just as Big Baby Kenny Ng has relied on co-authors to help him write his academic papers for him, so too has he needed similar assistance on his website, BigBabyKenny.com. It turns out he has relied heavily on a serial commentator named “Ronru”, who turns out to be his partner in crime as well as a sex tourist from Melbourne, Australia named Kent Hammond.

Together they have attacked business owners and writers with a daily barrage of lies, insinuations, libel, and general invective that have made the Big Baby Kenny Ng site what it really is: a place for dangerous sex tourists who care only about maliciously destroying other people’s lives and livelihoods. Hammond has spent the greater part of the past two years attempting to silence any and all credible criticisms of Professor Ng’s nefarious online crusade. He has also joined Professor Ng in impugning the integrity of Saphan Loy, much to Lek’s great consternation.

In his dating profile on Wayn.com, Hammond writes of himself:

I’m young at heart, fit and active. I’m interested in people and there feelings, consequently long walks at dusk discussing philosophic possibilities, stimulate my sensitive and creative nature. I love adventure and travel extensively seeking new experiences and participating in Life. Sport has always been part of my life, and I appretiate fine dinning, wine and fun company. I would like to meet some nice lady between the age of 30 and 40 who is slim, active and with a possitive open mind.

Riddled with spelling errors and poor grammar, it matches verbatim the kind of writing that Professor Ng has asked him to do on the Big Baby Kenny blog. In short, “Ronru” has been responsible for nearly all comments appearing on a daily, sometimes hourly basis on the BigBabyKenny website, most of which have attacked business owners in Bangkok as well as bloggers in the online expat community. One of Ronru’s specialties has been to make use of other people’s names to misrepresent themselves, incriminate themselves, or otherwise trick the search engines into indexing associations that are baseless and libelous.

Now that this dubious co-author of the Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng blog has been revealed, and with photographs of the two co-authors hamming it up in Thailand together (see Big Dummy Kenny), the mystery surrounding the commander of the “sock-puppet” army has been solved. Sadly for Hammond, whose friendship with an incompetent buffoon masquerading as a teacher has obviously unraveled, that association will likely cause much distress with little promise of reward in future.

But what is most revealing about the introduction of co-writer Kent Hammond is the way it actually happened. While Big Dummy Kenny actually blocked out Kent’s image in the photograph on the Big Dummy Site, the big reveal actually came out on Big Baby Kenny Ng’s site in, you guessed it, the comments section. Ng essentially outed his one and only friend and co-author (or at the very least allowed it to happen by his laissez-faire approach to moderation). For the record, Ng has used this method before and to great effect. He has published the actual names of the former Werewolf and Young Penfold with the same callous disregard for Internet civility that he has displayed for the past four years.

A Forum Strikes Back

If you read our last post closely, you may have noticed that Lek and I are of the similar opinion that discussion fora focused on Thai prostitution and sex work have become irrelevant holdovers to Web 1.0, and have served only to shelter older sex tourists who have nowhere else to go to share their depraved scribblings.

Predictably, one such forum, Thai360, which promises a “360” view of the Thai ladyboy and brothel scene, has felt slighted, and a dubious new thread was started by “Ratchada” for the sole purpose of attacking Saphan Loy. Lek was outraged, and I was a little more than exasperated trying to translate the word “douchebag” into Thai so that Lek could apprehend the gravity of Ratchada’s impressive display of vulgarity. In his rather pointed criticism, which begins with two references to anal stimulation, of Saphan Loy, he writes:

Talk about specific…this douchebag seems to have a serious stick up his butt regarding all nightlife-focused websites and pussy forums on Thailand…as far as I can tell, his blog pretty much exists just to criticize them….??

I love how, although he’s full of criticism for Stickman (uh, yeah, not exactly the hardest target!), he uses the same very-difficult-to-read light text on black background that Stickman does, haha… 

Ratchada's Douche Bag

While one of his forum “buddies” gently attempts to disabuse Ratchada of the notion that Thai nightlife websites are somehow automatically immune from criticism, another anonymous forum-lurker named “Wendella” wonders whether the author of Saphan Loy “…is well.” This coming from a regular contributor to a site called “International Sex Guide” (among others.) While we appreciate Wendella’s concerns for our mental health, we can say unequivocally that with Lek’s constant ministrations, consisting of regular dosages of Xanax washed down with an ice cold Singha beer, Saphan Loy’s emotional health and general outlook on life is rosy by any measure.

There is some misconception within these so-called discussion fora that, by making use of the illusion of a kind of “gated” community, that their conversations are somehow inured to the influence of greater forces at work in the Web 2.0 environment. This cannot be further from the truth. One of the main reasons we have avoided membership in these Thai-sex focused electronic bulletin boards is a matter of simple security. Maybe for hard-core mongers like Ratchada and Wendella this is isn’t a consideration at all. But I for one would treat any forum with great suspicion, since you are effectively creating a single repository of your data, your IP address, and your long history of commentary on a dubious and illegal enterprise, namely, international sex tourism, and handing that information over to the “key master”.

Image found on Nurse Myra's Gimcrack Hospital Blog

Image found on Nurse Myra’s Gimcrack Hospital Blog

At any rate, all of this talk of douchebags in Thailand has brought up an interesting idea, abetted by an enthusiastic Lek: how about a bar on Cowboy or at Nana that is a douche and enema themed venue? We can call it “Douchebag a Go-Go”. I can picture it now: douchebags everywhere, celebrity sightings like Big Baby Kenny Ng, Dean Barrett, Ratchada and Kent Hammond, and a full write-up on Stickman Weekly. Now that would be sanook mak mak.

The View from Above

Doom and Gloom and the Sex Trade in Thailand

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2012 by สะพานลอย

With all of the doom and gloom over on Stickman about the current state of the brothel scene in Bangkok, the red-light blogosphere has been dying a painfully slow death as of late. It is natural that sites like his, or Big Fat Baby Kenny’s, will go the way of transistor radios and Spanish Fly love potions. There are two important lessons that the teachers behind both of the aforementioned sites clearly missed: in Stick’s case, he should have cashed out at the top of the market for his services, and in Professor Ham-fist’s case, he should have parlayed his sudden US-media notoriety into his own talk show. Or at the very least started his own pornographic website.

Big Baby Kenny Ng’s ladyboy adventures are now but yesteryear’s wet-dream….

In looking around the blogosophere this week, it has become painfully clear that much of the energy has dissipated both in the well-established sites and in those blogs that soldier on despite an increasingly apparent public apathy toward Asian prostitutes in general. It is as though the brothel districts of Thailand and Southeast Asia are becoming ghost towns, the last refuge of those nostalgic for their heyday circa 1968, supplanted by new forms of economic growth and opportunity. The Internet, mobile devices, i-this and i-that, these are all making the bar areas useful only to the alcoholic, the elderly, the sex-addicted and relief-seeking men whose ageing bodies are deformed by years of abuse but that still respond (miracle of miracles) to aphrodisiacs manufactured in Bombay and all points West.

Lek and I therefore decided to pay a visit to an old site that we occasionally consulted when my testicles required a liberal slathering of baby oil: Sukhumvit Psycho. But when the page loaded, we were told that this site has undergone a radical name-change. The Sukhumvit Psycho is no more, replaced instead by, brace for it, Sukhumvit Entertainment!

I know what you are thinking. It has all of the excitement and originality of the name of a cable television channel. There are so many things silly about this change in nomenclature that it is difficult to know where to begin. But rest assured, for those of you who relied heavily on the testicle massage guide that Sukhumvit Psycho was best known for, the information is still there, but only if you have the time and inclination to click through a dizzying array of links that will point you in all sorts of directions on the site. By the time you find the information you are looking for, you could have picked up the phone in your hotel room and said in simple English, “I’d like a massage. Room 157” to have arrive, moments later, a sheepish Thai woman with a bottle of baby oil.

The site itself looks the same, and still features multiple grammatical errors (given the language challenges of its writer or writers), with most of the potentially useful information effectively gated behind one of those tired “forums” that are also becoming like the dusty relics of Web 1.0 and the mainstay of elderly men who like to create purposefully deranged avatars and rack up trivial submission counts. For many years we have seen these forums dedicated to Thailand prostitution and have avoided them like a venereal disease.

Nonetheless, Lek and I decided to have a gander at the available information on the Psycho’s website, er, sorry, on Sukhumvit Entertainment. It is interesting to observe that the “Premium Membership” option no longer exists. When do we get our refund?! And many of the public pages now resemble the old link farms that sat on the web in the late 1990s like useless handbills. To add insult to injury, the links for Asian Dominas (to satisfy Lek’s curiosity, the naughty tavern wench!) do not even work. Those websites were likely silenced by the long arm of the local Gendarmerie. And while we are on the topic, Saphan Loy is saddened to report that not one of our many international readers even bothered to send us a copy of the Testicle Massage Guide. It is still available for only $14.99. And the holidays are right around the corner. And yes, this is a hint. I suspect that for Christmas this year, Lek is (once again) planning on gifting me a pile of her well-thumbed “ka-toon” books.

And so the search continues. Saphan Loy is like Diogenes of Sinope holding up our lamp in the red-light districts of Asia, looking for an honest man. However, we leave you with this image, courtesy of BigBabyKenny.com, which reveals the location of a sordid nightclub somewhere in the dark jungles of Northeastern Thailand. Because, much like this very helpful conveyor of important geographical information (the GPS), we will continue to illumine the digital darkness with a single, and most perfect ray of light.

The View from Above