Archive for bar girls

Bangkok Buddy and the Sex Doll

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2013 by สะพานลอย

Recently, Lek and I had the grave misfortune of clicking over to the Bangkok Buddy’s last will and testament blog. If we weren’t depressed before offending our eyes with this obvious evidence of a sex tourist who could use a long “rest” in a carefully monitored environment where he might receive the round-the-clock attention of a team of seasoned medical professionals, we were certainly much more miserable thereafter. Lek tends to have a knee-jerk reaction of sympathy for older men who are suffering the private shame and horrors of their self-imposed (or financially-imposed) asceticism, and we think that this played a role in crushing her spirits for the remainder of the day, which meant no glazing of the Thai doughnut for me today. Thanks, Buddy.

At any rate, for those of you who tolerate the Bangkok Buddy’s dismal chronicle of what it would be like to be impoverished, hungry, always looking, never touching, and living in the land of sex milk and no money no honey, you may have inadvertently stumbled upon this gem recently. In this post, aptly titled “toilet run news”, Bangkok Buddy and his band of penny-pinching poopy-makers debate the investment value and the pros and cons of purchasing a sex doll. Poor Lek. She was at a complete loss, so we tried to cobble together a Thai translation: ตุ๊กตาเซ็กซ์, which of course generated even more confusion.

Asians tend to be oddly accepting of the idea of having sex with inanimate objects.

Asians tend to be oddly accepting of the idea of having sex with inanimate objects.

And then it struck me. Bangkok Buddy and his perverse platoon of mongoloids are literally living in an environment where the economies of desire strongly suggest that a sex doll, say one of those fancy Japanese models that usually go for a pretty penny, is not cheaper than a live Isaan farm girl. It seems surprising that Bangkok Buddy’s penny-pinching ways have not taught him how to pick up a live Thai farm girl for a song, and keep her on retainer as a, heaven forbid, “girlfriend”, with vague and exaggerated promises of some future payoff from an imaginary (but certainly dwindling) bank account.

But we suppose that our advice, plus fifty cents, would get you a cup of coffee.

Thai Bar Girls are a Dime a Dozen

Thai Bar Girls are a Dime a Dozen

If he is serious about the sex doll, perhaps Bangkok Buddy should peruse the offerings at Orient Industry here, and carefully select one to his perverted specifications. However, these may be well out of his price range. For the cash-strapped, we recommend the nice blonde doll shown below. She seems like a good sport, a cheap date, and perhaps a heavy drinker, all rolled into one hot latex sex machine. 

You come here often?

You come here often?

Hell, if even this one would stretch Bangkok Buddy’s paltry budget, perhaps he should go one step further, and simply use a disposable latex glove.

The View from Above

2012 Stumbles to an Ignominius End

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2012 by สะพานลอย

….and 2013 looks no better for the motley group of fools who continue with their dubious output of words and poorly framed photographs depicting the brothel districts of Thailand, from the disgraced professors and teachers (Big Baby Kenny Ng and Stickman), to the humdrum typists of pulp e-books which nobody purchases (Stephen Blather et. al.), to the marginally retarded (Bangkok Buddy and Kent Hammond). Normally, Saphan Loy would conduct a “blow-by-blow” analysis of the year in review, but sadly, it seems that the whole year was a washout for the barflies of Bangkok.

The holiday season in Thailand’s red light districts is a grim reminder that there are many lost souls from around the world who continue to gravitate to these places, washed up has-beens, lovelorn, hopeless, and thirsty, compelled by the biological imperatives of their unmanageable vices, motivated by the squalid reward of a short-time hotel room, a cheap sex enhancement drug, and a Thai rice farmer’s daughter or two. Or a Thai rice farmer’s son in drag who happens to possess an artificially added set of double DDs and a chemically induced uncircumcised hard-on, or a surgically altered vaginal skin-fold.

It is a time when our favourite bar girls, mamasans, and bartenders are trotted out in the cheapest of Christmas-themed lingerie and paraded around sticky barroom floors in darkened corners of cheap, third-world gin mills, enticed by a few hundred baht and the false promise of an improvement in their stations in life.

It is the time of year to drown regrets in rice whiskey, or the local non-potable lager, and to stifle the merest threat of an emerging sense of conscience, any images of domesticity that we left behind elsewhere in the developed world where we once may have had friends and family, or even the thought, “What the hell am I doing here?”

It is also the time of the year when we can imagine, although remotely and through the artifice of fiction, a character much like George Bailey, driven to despair by financial catastrophe in the timeless American classic It’s a Wonderful Life, who attempts suicide only to be shown a life without his presence in the world, followed by a dramatic, heart-warming redemption.

We can picture, for example, Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng, clinically depressed by the mistakes of his life, his failures as an economist/school teacher, his morbid obesity, his disgraceful and very public fall from grace, and his grotesque appetite for young Thai bargirls, contemplating suicide on a barstool somewhere in Saphan Khwai (yes, he has sunk this low), while drunkenly crying in his cups and muttering dark curses at his imagined enemies and the success of others. Yes, we can see him, his ego stung by the utterance of a snaggle-toothed ladyboy who has just called him a khii mao, in this Saphan Khwai hellhole, his life story spooling away from him like the sad and sordid conclusion to an old 16 mm stag film he vaguely remembers from his misspent youth witnessing the fabled Tijuana donkey show flickering on a yellowing wall in his dorm room.

And we can hope, as we watch him in this Saphan Khwai watering hole, trying to find an outlet for his laptop and arguing with the mamasan in a language he does not understand, that Ng will come to meet an angel who will put his arm around his shoulder and say, “But you have had a wonderful life, Professor Ng.” And when this dreary holiday fable comes to its conclusion in the darkened karaoke parlor, and those grim concluding words appear, “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends”, we will all sigh deeply, because, well, we know how Ng has mistreated his friends and alienated his colleagues irreparably.

My lovely assistant Lek is in tears, daubing at her almond eyes with a Kleenex, the poor thing. Ok, enough of your blubbering. Get me a drink. And put on that skimpy Father Christmas costume I purchased for you.

Similarly, we can wish at this time of year that the celebrated scribe of the red light districts, the Stickman, is visited by a Dickensian scene, the bar girl of Christmas past, who appears to him in his Bangkok high-rise bound in the chains of oppression that he has caused by stimulating a prurient interest in all things related to sex commerce. Awakened at midnight by the apparition, the Stick cowers under his mosquito net, while the bar girl of Christmas past says, “You handsome man no good man. You bad man.

Stickman is awakened at midnight by the bar girl of Christmas past.

The Stick mistakenly believes he is dreaming, and responds, “Is that Bernard Trink?”, then swallows another tranquilizer. His slumber thus returned, he is awakened soon thereafter by the bargirl of Christmas present, who shows him the horrid reality of plane-loads of elderly westerners arriving in Bangkok, all streaming into the big yellow vagina of Nana Plaza, depositing their baht along with their diseased chromosomal material, and leaving empty beer bottles and broken lives of the impoverished girls who remain behind staring hopefully at the dim glow emanating from their cellphones.

And finally, what of the bar girl of Christmas future? What tidings does she bring? Or he? And whither the red light districts in Thailand in 2013? Only the new year will tell. Lek has visited the witch doctor and received bad tidings. But I am optimistic. And rest assured gentle reader. In an ever more hostile cyber world, Saphan Loy will continue to be a “troll-free zone” and will remain a place where intelligent, adult discussion of all things Thai brothel districts is welcome, where sexpats and sex tourists can tune in for the latest deep analysis of the red light blogosphere and the bizarre bedfellows who populate it.

Therefore, may you and your bar girls or ladyboys (or donkeys) enjoy the best of the holiday season, and with hope look forward to another year of unabashed whoring and drinking and drugging all the while avoiding liver failure or cardiac arrest. And may all of your wishes at the Hindu shrines of Bangkok bring you the loves of your life, prosperity, and just enough success to continue your binges without guilt, shame, or remorse of any kind.

Happy New Year!

Yours truly, and my lovely assistant Lek.

The View from Above

Saphan Loy’s Summer Reading List: The Collected Works of Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2012 by สะพานลอย

The summer has been a great time to relax, unwind, and lounge by the swimming pool with Lek who dutifully ensures that my ice and alcohol are always freshened in this dubious cocktail I am now holding and considering in the hot summer sun. But summer is also a time for reading, and Saphan Loy’s reading list is extensive and varied. When I am not reading Stickman’s up-to-date and often astonishing accounts of what is happening in the Thai red light districts, I may tuck into a good novel by Dostoevsky, or a narrative history of the Javanese, or even the latest copy of Foreign Affairs.

But this summer, we tried something quite different, and quite revealing at the same time. I dispatched Lek to the local library to conduct a bit of research. Namely, we wanted to consult the corpus of economic writings by Big Baby Kenny Ng, and to see how his views in these journal articles and book reviews (for he has yet to write a monograph) complement his thoughts and feelings on the pay for play sex scene in Thailand.

Granted, this may not be productive summer reading, but it was nonetheless worth doing. Lek and I are no experts on economic history, but we know a thing or two about Thailand and its sexpat culture, so the comparison actually proved quite fruitful. However, Lek was a bit peeved that she had to give up her Thai lakorn consumption for an afternoon or two while she toiled away in the library, but it certainly forced her to practice her English with the exasperated reference librarian. Plus, she was amply rewarded upon her return with a fifty dollar bill and the directive to go and buy herself some new lingerie.

Professor Big Baby Ng has not produced many articles at all, relative to his career as a professor of economics. From the years 1988 to 2003, Lek found evidence of but one paper that was authored solely by him called “Free Banking Laws and Barriers to Entry in Banking, 1838-1860” which was published in the Journal of Economic History in 1988. It appears that the Big Baby Kenny Ng preferred, rather, to publish works with co-authors, likely assigning the lion’s share of the work to them. In addition, his academic output seems to have disappeared altogether in 2003 likely coinciding with his increased interest in the red light districts of Asia.

For example, Ng and Dennis Halcoussis published “Determinants of the Level of Public School Discrimination, 1885-1930” in 2003 in the Journal of Education Finance. In 1993 he and Nancy Virts, his colleague at California State University at Northridge, published “The Black-White Income Gap in 1880” in Agricultural History. Ng and Virts also had earlier published “The Value of Freedom” together in the Journal of Economic History in 1989.

Given Ng’s impoverishment of analytic skills when it comes to the people, religion, culture, and prostitutes of Thailand, it is not surprising that he required a co-author for these relatively short journal articles. One can only imagine the amount of work that Professor Virts had to shoulder as she labored away at the typewriter while Kenny played poker or visited Los Angeles massage parlors.

At any rate, Lek found evidence for no less than four book reviews by Big Baby Kenny Ng. These are interesting for a variety of reasons, chief among them the fact that he generally cares for none of the books he has been tasked with reviewing. He especially took aim at one book The Causes of the 1929 Stock Market Crash: A Speculative Orgy or a New Era? by Harold Bierman Jr. by wondering what constitutes a “speculative orgy.” While Bierman blames a “speculative orgy” for the 1929 Stock Market Crash, Ng sees it differently. He believes there is no difference between market dynamics in the stock market, and a “speculative orgy.”

Saphan Loy believes that Ng really just wanted an opportunity to use the word “orgy” several times.

Professor Big Baby uses the word “orgy” five times in his book review.

Which brings us to the final book review that Saphan Loy and Lek found most insightful. In his review of The Wealth of Races: The Present Value of Benefits from Past Injustices. Contributions in Afro-American and African Studies edited by Richard America, and which Ng reviewed in the Journal of Southern History in 1994, Big Baby Kenny Ng takes on what must have been the rather contentious issue of reparations to blacks for the injustice of slavery.

His position regarding reparations (i.e., retro-payment for the ancestors of former slaves): Let them eat cake. He asks,

What peculiar notion of social justice is served by taxing recent immigrants from Korea, Hong Kong, or Vietnam, whose ancestors had no role in creating, maintaining, or ending slavery to compensate living blacks for the enslavement of their dead great-great-great-great-great grandfathers?

Later, Ng oddly brings up the Jews. He says, oh, leaping ahead to 1969 for the sake of argument that:

In 1969 Jewish family income was 172 percent of the national average. In the same year, Japanese, Polish, Chinese, Italian, and German income was 132 percent, 115 percent, 112 percent, and 107 percent of family income respectively. Does this mean that Jews are responsible for the lower incomes of Japanese families, Polish families responsible for Chinese income, and on and on?

That Kenny. Always using his crazy figures to make an outrageous and ill-conceived point. He further goes on to say in effect that a lot of white Americans died in the Civil War. In a particularly morbid calculation, Big Baby Kenny states that one white Union soldier was killed for every six freed slaves. Furthermore, he maintains and that in the reconstruction period in the South, “freed blacks experienced enormous economic benefits — enough to provide each black family in 1986 with an annual annuity of $43,000 to $74,000.”

Whoa! That be like hittin’ the lottery, mofo!

Ng has a fondness for the gratuitous use of figures that rarely add up (remember his estimate that there are nearly 7 million transgender male-to-females in Thailand alone?) Then again, Ng has a thing for slaves and money. He in fact compared Thai office girls to “slaves making the middle passage” in this gem where he observes them:

…packed like slaves making the middle passage bus ride to their 3000 THB/ month room with no toilet on the outskirts of Bangkok after grinding out 10 hours a day six days a week for barely enough money to pay rent, eat cheap street food, and the monthly treat of KFC and a movie and wish you had a way to scoop a couple of juicy ones out of the stream just like the grizzly paws out some prime salmon for his daily feast.

It may be concluded that Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng objects to historical reparations for slavery if only because such a payment should logically come in exchange for the sexual gratification of his genitals. All this talk of slaves and money has raised one important question that Ng has yet to answer. What about reparations for a sex slave? Were she not fitted with a ball gag, perhaps we could ask Elana.

Sex slaves deserve recompense too.

The View from Above

“Sticks” and Stones

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2011 by สะพานลอย

This week, Stickman took aim at nearly every writer on the Thailand brothel-scene who does not plaster his site with antiquated banner ads or molly coddle sex tourists in Thailand, calling these writers, bloggers, and various forum lurkers “weirdos”, “shit-stirrers”, etc. With all of the self-righteousness of a Catholic school boy, Stickman’s attacks left Saphan Loy wondering whether he is the right man for the job of pitching to his motley collection of readers places like Demonia, Devil’s Den, Lolita’s, Ladyboy Escorts, Big Mango Bar and others. Were we an advertiser on his site, we would be somewhat concerned: someone with a foot fetish is “on another wavelength”? What does that mean? There are those of us (like Jimmy Smithers and Big Baby Kenny Ng) who adore ladyboys and have foot fetishes. I know for one that Jimmy Smithers was so profoundly offended by the Stickman’s rambling tirade that he nearly incapacitated himself with an overdose of Wild Turkey and Pepto-Bismol.

Meanwhile, when not feigning astonishment about other people’s sexual predilections (foot fetishes, ladyboys, etc.), his bleeding heart reaction to some German drifter really takes the cake. I mean, really. Freud would have a field-day with the utter irony represented by his entire website. It is clear that Michael, the German drifter, who clearly suffers from schizophrenia, was sucked into the vortex of the very kinds of places advertised on the Stick-site, then suffered the consequences of a lost mind and an empty bank account. The only way the German embassy will intervene, incidentally, is if Michael dies on the street, or is murdered, or asks for help himself. Surely, the consular officers have better things to do with their time than read the Stick site. How can you even be sure he is German? He may even be a spy whose cover is a homeless sex addict with a mental illness.

So is the Stick biting the proverbial hands that feed him? Were I an owner of Demonia and had an event like the foot fetish event (that looks quite intriguing) mocked as being perverted or, as he puts it, “on another wavelength”, or were I an owner of Big Mango Bar and had my place called the “coldest bar” in Bangkok, Saphan Loy would seek other advertising venues that were kinder and gentler.

In targeting other writers on the Thailand scene, the Stick makes it clear that anyone who diverges from the pat and glib “gosh golly” tone that he effects when dealing with a very serious subject matter (i.e., sex tourism and transnational promotion of prostitution) is thus labeled a “weirdo” or a “shit-stirrer.” It goes to show that in New Zealand, political correctness of a different sort rules the roost and the freedom of expression is but a vaporous mirage of western European and North American ideals that enshrine the right to free speech. Furthermore, we now know the following about Stickman:

  • He doesn’t bar fine.
  • He doesn’t like ladyboys.
  • He does not have a foot fetish.
  • He prefers to take his mother to Soi Cowboy.

Just who is Stickman Bangkok? And why doesn’t he start a blog about another topic, one which he is more qualified to write about? Like the homeless situation in Bangkok, or the dangers of freedom of expression on the Internet, or teaching English in a language mill, or just how perverted foot fetishes are? Better yet, how about a little blog about rugby. See how many banner ads he can sell for that project, thus avoiding the “nasty” characters that comprise his readers.

Jimmy Smithers, Big Baby Kenny Ng, and Dean Barrett love bare feet.

Because Saphan Loy was embarrassed for the Stick by his latest blunder of a column, we are listing (gratis) the Big Mango Bar (which is not the coldest bar in Bangkok) and Demonia in our Views You Can Use section. The ladies of Demonia may thank me with a solid ass-whipping and the privilege of licking their bare toes.

The View from Above

Stickmum Bangkok

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , on July 8, 2011 by สะพานลอย

In a recent column a few weeks back that featured “the lovely Jeab”, Stickman’s quote of the week came from his own mother, whom he had apparently brought to Tilac on Soi Cowboy for an evening of fun. There, in the squalor of a third-world strip bar, she asked him if he ever “bar fines” the young women who danced for their pleasure. At first, Saphan Loy was going to let this pass, thinking that his admission was maybe a joke or meant to illustrate how “progressive” his mother is. But as we ruminated on the subject (and ruminate is often the operative word here), it became clearer that this was an inherently sad admission for the Stick to make. What’s more, it calls into question the very faculty of reason that is often the first to go after long-term exposure to the red-light districts of Thailand.

Saphan Loy finds it extremely taxing to simply shepherd his own mother to Sunday mass from time to time. It is therefore beyond my abilities to imagine a scenario whereby I would take her to anything that even resembles a bar, let alone a Bangkok bar. A bingo hall, maybe. But even that’s a stretch.

An elderly woman enjoys the nightlife.

What is most sad about the apparent admission is that it indicates that perhaps his mother would like to have a meaningful relationship with the Stick, but his years of brothel reportage have impeded that relationship or degraded it to a point whereby they are unable to talk about anything other than Thai brothels. So, in the end, desperate to maintain a relationship with her son, she joins him on one of his outings to his favourite watering hole. But in the course of conversation, the Stickman felt pressured and aggravated by his mother’s questioning of his sex life. If he doesn’t bar fine these girls, what exactly is he doing in the red-light districts? There is a certain saying about a mother’s intuition, which is often spooky in its perception.

While Saphan Loy has heard of men bringing their wives to the red-light districts, and let’s face it, women can be just as curious as men in this area, we have never heard of anyone bringing their own mother to Soi Cowboy. This week’s poll, therefore, is centered around this question: Would you ever consider bringing your own mother to Soi Cowboy or Nana Plaza?

The poll is designed to determine who among you would be willing to bring your mother (of course if she is still among the living) into a brothel/bar in Bangkok. Please don’t be shy: we are all adults here.

 

The View from Above