Archive for Dean Barrett

Co-Author of Big Baby Kenny Ng Blog Revealed

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Just as Big Baby Kenny Ng has relied on co-authors to help him write his academic papers for him, so too has he needed similar assistance on his website, BigBabyKenny.com. It turns out he has relied heavily on a serial commentator named “Ronru”, who turns out to be his partner in crime as well as a sex tourist from Melbourne, Australia named Kent Hammond.

Together they have attacked business owners and writers with a daily barrage of lies, insinuations, libel, and general invective that have made the Big Baby Kenny Ng site what it really is: a place for dangerous sex tourists who care only about maliciously destroying other people’s lives and livelihoods. Hammond has spent the greater part of the past two years attempting to silence any and all credible criticisms of Professor Ng’s nefarious online crusade. He has also joined Professor Ng in impugning the integrity of Saphan Loy, much to Lek’s great consternation.

In his dating profile on Wayn.com, Hammond writes of himself:

I’m young at heart, fit and active. I’m interested in people and there feelings, consequently long walks at dusk discussing philosophic possibilities, stimulate my sensitive and creative nature. I love adventure and travel extensively seeking new experiences and participating in Life. Sport has always been part of my life, and I appretiate fine dinning, wine and fun company. I would like to meet some nice lady between the age of 30 and 40 who is slim, active and with a possitive open mind.

Riddled with spelling errors and poor grammar, it matches verbatim the kind of writing that Professor Ng has asked him to do on the Big Baby Kenny blog. In short, “Ronru” has been responsible for nearly all comments appearing on a daily, sometimes hourly basis on the BigBabyKenny website, most of which have attacked business owners in Bangkok as well as bloggers in the online expat community. One of Ronru’s specialties has been to make use of other people’s names to misrepresent themselves, incriminate themselves, or otherwise trick the search engines into indexing associations that are baseless and libelous.

Now that this dubious co-author of the Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng blog has been revealed, and with photographs of the two co-authors hamming it up in Thailand together (see Big Dummy Kenny), the mystery surrounding the commander of the “sock-puppet” army has been solved. Sadly for Hammond, whose friendship with an incompetent buffoon masquerading as a teacher has obviously unraveled, that association will likely cause much distress with little promise of reward in future.

But what is most revealing about the introduction of co-writer Kent Hammond is the way it actually happened. While Big Dummy Kenny actually blocked out Kent’s image in the photograph on the Big Dummy Site, the big reveal actually came out on Big Baby Kenny Ng’s site in, you guessed it, the comments section. Ng essentially outed his one and only friend and co-author (or at the very least allowed it to happen by his laissez-faire approach to moderation). For the record, Ng has used this method before and to great effect. He has published the actual names of the former Werewolf and Young Penfold with the same callous disregard for Internet civility that he has displayed for the past four years.

A Forum Strikes Back

If you read our last post closely, you may have noticed that Lek and I are of the similar opinion that discussion fora focused on Thai prostitution and sex work have become irrelevant holdovers to Web 1.0, and have served only to shelter older sex tourists who have nowhere else to go to share their depraved scribblings.

Predictably, one such forum, Thai360, which promises a “360” view of the Thai ladyboy and brothel scene, has felt slighted, and a dubious new thread was started by “Ratchada” for the sole purpose of attacking Saphan Loy. Lek was outraged, and I was a little more than exasperated trying to translate the word “douchebag” into Thai so that Lek could apprehend the gravity of Ratchada’s impressive display of vulgarity. In his rather pointed criticism, which begins with two references to anal stimulation, of Saphan Loy, he writes:

Talk about specific…this douchebag seems to have a serious stick up his butt regarding all nightlife-focused websites and pussy forums on Thailand…as far as I can tell, his blog pretty much exists just to criticize them….??

I love how, although he’s full of criticism for Stickman (uh, yeah, not exactly the hardest target!), he uses the same very-difficult-to-read light text on black background that Stickman does, haha… 

Ratchada's Douche Bag

While one of his forum “buddies” gently attempts to disabuse Ratchada of the notion that Thai nightlife websites are somehow automatically immune from criticism, another anonymous forum-lurker named “Wendella” wonders whether the author of Saphan Loy “…is well.” This coming from a regular contributor to a site called “International Sex Guide” (among others.) While we appreciate Wendella’s concerns for our mental health, we can say unequivocally that with Lek’s constant ministrations, consisting of regular dosages of Xanax washed down with an ice cold Singha beer, Saphan Loy’s emotional health and general outlook on life is rosy by any measure.

There is some misconception within these so-called discussion fora that, by making use of the illusion of a kind of “gated” community, that their conversations are somehow inured to the influence of greater forces at work in the Web 2.0 environment. This cannot be further from the truth. One of the main reasons we have avoided membership in these Thai-sex focused electronic bulletin boards is a matter of simple security. Maybe for hard-core mongers like Ratchada and Wendella this is isn’t a consideration at all. But I for one would treat any forum with great suspicion, since you are effectively creating a single repository of your data, your IP address, and your long history of commentary on a dubious and illegal enterprise, namely, international sex tourism, and handing that information over to the “key master”.

Image found on Nurse Myra's Gimcrack Hospital Blog

Image found on Nurse Myra’s Gimcrack Hospital Blog

At any rate, all of this talk of douchebags in Thailand has brought up an interesting idea, abetted by an enthusiastic Lek: how about a bar on Cowboy or at Nana that is a douche and enema themed venue? We can call it “Douchebag a Go-Go”. I can picture it now: douchebags everywhere, celebrity sightings like Big Baby Kenny Ng, Dean Barrett, Ratchada and Kent Hammond, and a full write-up on Stickman Weekly. Now that would be sanook mak mak.

The View from Above

Bangkok Eyesore Revisited

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Recently, Saphan Loy paid a visit to William R. Morledge to see how his little corner of Bangkok has been and to determine via textual analysis whether he has kicked his Ketamine habit. What we discovered there, in that luridly designed throwback to the dawn of World Wide Web page construction, was that it is clear that the Ketamine has taken its toll, and much like Dean Barrett (another geriatric “webmaster”), whose rants about Muslims are bizarre reminders of his mental deterioration, has resorted to a long paranoid essay on the arrival of “Big Brother”, the collection of online data in vast server farms, and the ability of the television set to transmit signals directly to his brain.

The content of the latest Morledge essay is in striking contrast to the normally banal photographs of neon signs that had been his hallmark for many years. It indicates to Saphan Loy that, in effect, his mental illness has had a sudden onset, and it is only a matter of time before he is transferred to the funny farm where he may spend the remainder of his days heavily medicated, drooling, staring at his shoes, and cutting his salisbury steak with a plastic, unserrated knife.

Evidence of a diseased mind at Bangkok Eyesore.

Just who is this Morledge character?  William R. Morledge is an example of what naturally happens after prolonged exposure to the red light districts of Thailand. It may even be the result of tertiary syphilis, which attacks the brain of the infected individual in its final, untreated stages. One wonders, really, if Morledge, Dean Barrett, Big Baby Kenny Ng, Stephen Blather, and Chris Coles have formed a support group for those coping with the disease, as their collective output seems to show clear signs of the affliction.

Nonetheless, there is something intrinsically disturbing when one stumbles upon the website of a deranged “webmaster”, to use Stickman’s oft-repeated phrase. Since websites and blogs about Thai red light districts are often the haunt of the lonely, the unstable, and the sociopathic, when their creators evidence the kind of madness found at Bangkok Eyesore, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. After all, one can sustain a lifestyle predicated on congress with people in an illegal transnational sex trade for only so long. But in our years of reportage on the red light bloggers, “webmasters”, scribblers, dabblers, peddlers, doodlers, barkers, punters, pushers, bunglers, and farters, William R. Morledge is illustrating the rule rather than the exception.

Big Baby Kenny Ng’s Site Just Got Dirtier.

Speaking of infected scribblers, Saphan Loy would be remiss in not mentioning that Professor Ng’s site has been zapped by an ugly bug, the kind that does not respond at all to antibiotics. As BDK has published, the site is appearing in all major search engines as something that could harm your computer, whereas before, a visit to BigBabyKenny merely insulted one’s intelligence.

For the record, Saphan Loy does not condone cyber attacks of this kind. But were we to make a prediction, it would be that, because these kinds of problems are often intractable, and given Ng’s dogged persistence in making an ape’s ass out of himself, we would look for an all new Kenny Ng URL in the future and a squeaky clean slate, since that is usually what happens when one has been surfing the Internet looking for Hot Anal Asian Action, and discovers that the tasty thumbnail depicting a Tokyo stewardess ravaged by black men instead delivers a nasty venereal surprise directly to your hard-drive.

The View from Above

Stickman: The Naughty Webmaster for Naughty Boys

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 16, 2012 by สะพานลอย

It is interesting the way my reading patterns of the Stickman site have changed over the years. Lek and I cannot recall with certainty when we first encountered the site, but one thing is certain. In approximately 10 years, the aesthetics (if one would even call it that) of the site itself have not been modified at all, and seem stuck in a place in the history of the Internet that recalls a period of time when people actually still used the word “webmaster”, a term that now strikes us as downright silly.

In the thirteen years or so since the Stick has been stuck in 1999, everyone has in essence become a “webmaster.” Hell, Big Baby Kenny Ng, the bloated professor of bar girl economics and sex tourist from California, might justifiably call himself a “webmaster”, even though the only thing he has ever “mastered” is the fine art of not getting his dick stuck in the zipper of his trousers.

At first glance, it seemed that the Stick is comfortable with the dubious layout of the site, and Saphan Loy, for one, was content to let it go once we discovered a way to circumvent the minefield of banner advertisements (yes, they still exist) strategically placed so that an errant click by an alcoholic sexpat would create, what is it, like $.035 revenue per click to fill the Stickman’s coffers?

At that rate, the Stick may one day enjoy a jet-setting lifestyle similar to celebrity blogger Big Baby Kenny Ng, or high-profile writers like Dean Barrett and Stephen Leather. Or even, if he dreams big enough dreams, Christopher Moore.

“I know your price. And I’m buying. Buying something for myself this night.”

Speaking of Moore, the “naughty” darling of the sexpat/bar crawling crowd, Saphan Loy was recently gifted a copy of the miserably written and horribly plotted A Killing Smile, which Lek and I picked up the other day here in the executive suite of Saphan Loy headquarters while enjoying a tall glass of lemonade post-coitus. Jumping around the book a bit (which is easy to do because all of the words that are strung together sound exactly the same and make no sense whatsoever), we came across the following passage:

At Headquarters [Thermae Coffee Shop], Lek and her friends became the grammar for the abstract words “sexy,” “good,” “beautiful” giving those words faces and flesh and emotions. They floated around the floor like dreams auctioned off to the first farang who gave that discreet nod, wave of the hand, or an of the other signals that meant the same thing. “I know your price. And I’m buying. Buying something for myself this night. Something I can’t point out but I find outlined in the way you dress, walk, and smile.” And they created the illusion that each farang was part of their dream and the promise in each gesture and glance that their world of smiles lacked nightmares.

Shortly after reading this passage aloud to my sexually sated Lek, who lolled about on the leather couch in the executive suite with nary a stitch of clothing, like the kind of Siamese woman you see in old Daguerreotypes from the 19th century bathing in a muddy river naked to the world (and she did in fact get damp patches all over the fine Corinthian leather in places), I then asked her to become the “grammar” for far less-abstract words like “blowjob now” and “get me another ice cold beer from the refrigerator.” I know what you are thinking, and I am the first to agree. Yes, pretty “naughty” of me.

So what is with the Stick’s use of “naughty bar” or “naughty boys”? Think about it. If a friend of mine told me one day that he was planning a trip to Bangkok, and I responded by saying “Great town. Say, you’re not planning on going to the ‘naughty’ bars, are you?” he would likely look at me as though my brain had just been cataclysmically rendered inoperable as the result of a stroke or irreversible brain embolism.

There is something else implicit in the word “naughty.” And it usually means someone “naughty” is about to get a spanking. Yes, Dean Barrett, that would mean that you are. Now bend over, and take your buggering like the “naughty” man-whore that you are. My question, then, is this: do the ‘naughty’ boys who ‘partake’ in the ‘naughty’ nightlife of Bangkok therefore deserve a spanking from the ‘naughty webmaster’ himself?

Listen, you naughty girl! I am a Webmaster! Get it through your pretty little head. Do I need to spell it out? W-E-B-M-A-S-T-E-R!

No wonder then that this week, the Webmaster plugged the BarBar bar, which is where one can pay to indulge in a bit of fetish play — that is, if you are ‘naughty.’ In BarBar, where Saphan Loy (pre-Lek) once enjoyed a cocktail or two, one is treated to a scene of your choosing. For my benefit, one of the Isan farm girls trotted out a young minx in a school uniform (her slave) and forced the young fawn to kneel at my feet, while the mamasan hovered about trying to get me to purchase lady drinks for all and sundry. Or should that be “slave and Mistress drinks?”

Excepting the hard pressure salesmanship of the mamasan, all in all it was so far, so good. Or should I say, so far, so naughty? After all, the Siamese sin-seller at my feet was stunningly beautiful and played the part of my slave quite convincingly. She was so stunning in fact that, because of my advanced age, I started to hyperventilate.

We won’t bore you with the details of what happened after I started to hyperventilate, as it involved a “nurse” with an extraordinarily “naughty” disposition and a satchel of undoubtedly non-standard medical devices. But should you have a fantasy that you would like to have played out in a darkened playroom in a tropical Southeast Asian metropolis, you would do well to pay them a visit at BarBar.

Saphan Loy’s only complaint is that the staff could not accommodate my fantasy with the staff on hand or the crude bondage equipment on offer. I had shared with the mamasan that my fantasy would be to convert the entire premises into a garment factory, complete with sewing machines staffed by the lovely ladies, where I would be the “naughty” supervisor and force the women to meet grueling production quotas or receive strange and unusual punishments.

When the fantasy was described to the staff at BarBar, they seemed confused and offered instead a few whacks with a rattan cane, followed by a hot water enema.

So, call us “naughty”, Lek and me, as we dream about our garment factory. And when in doubt, keep in mind the mellifluous words of Mr. Moore.

“I know your price. And I’m buying. Buying something for myself this night.”

And should you find yourself feeling”naughty”, and that a visit to the “naughty” bars of Bangkok is in order, you should ask yourself: What would Elvis do?

 

The View from Above

The Year in Review: A New Year Ahead. Observations, Predictions.

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 28, 2011 by สะพานลอย

What a sordid year it was. As we get ready to ring in the new year, Thai style with a bottle of lukewarm Singha, let’s recall some major low-lights from the year past, and look ahead to what the new year holds in store. The past year witnessed some atrocities, as usual, in the Thai redlight blogosphere. Very few gems were to be found in the roughage that comprises the palsied prose and tortured syntax of the blog-heads. In addition, we have seen that some scribblers have decided to bow out of the online scene altogether. A few comments follow. Parental discretion is advised.

Stickman Bangkok

Let’s start with the biggest and the brightest of the online luminaries, Stickman Bangkok. After teasing his audience throughout the year with hand-wringing and indecision regarding his future, he has decided, not surprisingly, to stay put in the red-light districts of Thailand, which have come to define him. His photography has devolved, and his favourite subjects still seem to be poor children and bargirls. While he unashamedly takes cold (hard) ladyboy cash, and the filthy lucre of brothels as advertising revenue, he still insists that he doesn’t partake, and that he is stupefied by changes in the country. Saphan Loy believes this is the most interesting part of his website, though he doesn’t intend it as such. He is constantly flummoxed by Thailand’s changing demographics and the demographics of the sex tourist population in general. What does the new year hold in store for the poster boy of sex tourism himself? Likely, he will find himself stuck in Thailand, a “lifer”, ping-ponging from bar to bar like some character in a Greek tragedy. Always tantalized by the offerings, but never partaking, we predict he will end up much like Dean Barrett.

One day in the new year, he will break down, step into Bar Bar or Demonia, and be offered a sound lashing from a Thai rice farmer’s daughter who will then insert an uncomfortably large sex toy into his rectum while he barks like a soi dog. Stickman will consent enthusiastically, and find it so pleasurable that he will dedicate himself to BDSM for the remainder of his natural life, never sitting comfortably again. From there, he will slip down the slippery slope and avail himself of the services of a small group of ladyboy escorts, who will treat him like a schoolgirl in the comfort of his Bangkok highrise.

Big Baby Kenny Ng

This year marked the departure from the serious blogosphere of Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng out in California. He has clearly given up the ghost, allowing the only active thread to be overwritten by the criminally insane. His brand of lunacy will be turned off in the new year, and he will likely be joining the swelling ranks of American unemployed academics, scratching out a living by tutoring semi-retarded children. But not to fear. There are plenty of openings at TEFL International, and perhaps the clown-in-chief there can teach him a thing or two about the Thais.

As of this writing, however, it appears the Ng has just published another word-fart about a cheap buffet in Bangkok. He is clearly celebrating his holiday in Bangkok, courtesy of the moronic California taxpayer, who is so immobilized by political correctness that he (or she) cannot stand up in the face of basic humanitarian atrocities.

The Chinese love all you can eat buffets. They pile their plates full of crappy fried food and rejoice in the low cost of eating it, then pass it through their intestines, then clog up the plumbing, much to the horror of the chambermaids at the cheap flophouse he calls home in the city of angels. Saphan Loy predicts that Ng’s cheap Bangkok buffets will soon turn into long lines at his local soup kitchen.

Big Baby Kenny will soon join the long lines at the soup kitchen.

Mobithailand

Our friend Mobi has been busy and, mercifully, staying sober. He has interestingly decided to post photos of his paramour, Noo, who is quite lovely indeed. We wish Mobi the best in the new year. He has been one of the few stalwarts among the blog-heads, always posting honestly and without artifice. Mobi consistently proves that a dotage spent in Thailand can be tempting, relaxing, and enjoyable all at the same time. We hope he avoids temptation of the spiritual kind, and continues to post about the darkside and all the darkies that can be found there.

The Redlight Scribblers (and Painter)

Stephen Blather et al., including the abominable Chris Coles, will likely continue to type unreadable prose, and render unspeakably offensive arts and crafts that assault the senses (unless those senses happen to be dulled by the local lager and barbiturates.) Look for hefty additions to the pulp-making machine, or network-clogging “e-books” that appeal to the inpatients at your local veteran’s home. Also in the coming new year, perhaps Coles will finally sell a neon bargirl to the half-blind, or the blind-drunk, who would like a painting to install above the commode. Or, better yet, perhaps the new year will inspire Coles to retire from his paint-making efforts, hang up his smock, and, instead, take up semi-permanent residence on a barstool on Patpong, administered to by a snaggle-toothed ladyboy.

Jimmy Smithers

So, what of that lady(boy’s) man, Jimmy Smithers? He has exciting plans for the new year. He is currently in negotiations with a major motion picture studio for the rights to his personal stories. He also has a new line of merchandise planned, including coffee mugs, tee-shirts and insulated beer holders. He is hard at work on his e-book, and is scanning his local classified sections for shemales, transvestites and ladyboys. Because he was recently fired, it is unlikely that a Bangkok trip is in the cards for the new year. Look for further depravity to escape from his keyboard, prolonged struggles with alcohol and sinus medication, and lurid accounts of his masturbation habits. He may even develop adult-onset diabetes, or have what he calls a “crap-attack” at an inopportune moment (like a job interview.) We predict great things for Jimmy Smithers. He’s one to keep your eye on. You know, by covering your other eye with your hand when the room is spinning, or you can’t navigate the Bangkok sidewalks after consuming too much Mekong Whiskey.

At any rate, Saphan Loy wishes you the best of the holidays, and a happy new year. As long as sex tourists are willing to jot down their half-formed ideas, their tawdry hopes and dreams, and their sinful encounters with third world prostitutes, we will be there. And despite all our plights and gripes, we still give them credit for trying. After all, an internet absent of their presence would be a boring place indeed.

The View from Above

Dean Barrett’s Retirement: Whips, Chains, and a Spanking

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2011 by สะพานลอย

Stick reported last week that Dean Barrett, Saphan Loy’s favourite pulp fiction typist, has retired to a life of kinky abandon in Thailand where he has retreated to Demonia and Bar Bar for regular spankings and assorted torturous pleasures. And foot fetish nights. We find it hard to fathom: I mean, when he sits down to read his latest copy of AARP magazine, is his ass sore from the bullock-whip? For Saphan Loy’s international readers, the AARP is the American Association of Retired Persons, and they send a nice magazine every month to remind you that you are now an old man with erectile dysfunction. It therefore provides lots of editorial space to advertise Viagra products. These ads show men driving old convertibles, wind whipping through their toupees, a sated old bag seated next to them with a big toothy grin on her dentures. These kinds of ads are coy. Why don’t they simply show a rock hard erection thrusting pneumatic-like into a gaping Asian gash in some hell hole of the developing world? In fact, were it not for the advertising support of Viagra, it is likely that the AARP magazine would quietly fold, its elderly staff of crestfallen writers and editors given pink slips. It would become a dusty relic of nostalgia. Much like Dean Barrett’s output of bar fables.

Betty White and Dean Barrett: Perfect Together

A coy Viagra advertisement

One of the things possible, we suppose, is that you can now apply for, as Mr. Barrett has done, a “Non-Immigrant, Submissive Retiree/Pensioner” visa. That helps Thai immigration suss things out a bit easier. Perhaps the ladies at Demonia can facilitate this? And perhaps, just perhaps, Dean Barrett’s contemporaries, like Stephen Blather, might follow his example, and go gently into that good night, and take their lickings like real men:  at the feet of coconut farmers’ daughters.

Dean Barrett

So what? Okay, maybe we are too hard on the old man. Who wouldn’t want to be lashed to a rubber tree and assaulted by several barefoot Malay/Thai girls run amok? I know Jimmy Smithers would be first in line for that treatment. In fact, and here Saphan Loy is admittedly being indiscreet, Smithers confided in me that one of his many nasty fantasies involves the jungle, a rounded bamboo pole, interrogation, and VC ladyboys. But we are friends, and for all those who write to him to sign his glossy 8 X 10, he thanks you for all the kind attention. And yes, he really is going to be in motion pictures, specifically a tawdry little tale that just wrapped shooting in Chiang Rai called “Luck Be a Ladyboy.” But you didn’t hear it from the Loy.

The View from Above

Sordid Ark Spotted Floating Down the Chao Phraya River

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on October 29, 2011 by สะพานลอย

With a ladyboy dominatrix whipping the bare shoulders of the oarsman, Dean Barrett, and with Chris Coles barking orders, a strange and sordid and crudely cobbled together boat was seen bobbing on the Chao Phraya River earlier this evening. Manned by a motley collection of bar girls and ladyboys, the wooden craft did its best to deal with rising waters and several sprung leaks. And not the kind that happens when Barrett wets himself.

In the hold of the little boat, an ailing Bernard Trink was being administered intravenous antiemetics by a topless Khmer girl who also fed him what was left of the provisions, which consisted mainly of 100 Pipers whiskey, durians, some jackfruit, and warm satay. The scene of degradation was, according to bystanders, awful to behold. Barrett, in his loin cloth, looked old and emaciated as he desperately tried to row the craft while the dominatrix lashed him and berated him for his lack of physical strength. Stephen Blather was nowhere to be found, likely hiding in the stern, quaffing warm bottles of Chang and washing down whatever pills he takes to erase his imagination completely.

At this rate the craft is scheduled to enter the Gulf of Siam sometime tomorrow morning, or around the time a new Stickman column comes out. Whichever comes first.

Rendering of the Ship of Fools

The View from Above

When it rains….

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on October 23, 2011 by สะพานลอย

Dean Barrett and Chris Coles have been spotted building a large ark-like structure on Soi Cowboy. Apparently, they had a heated argument about whether to allow ladyboys onto the boat: Chris Coles in favour, Barrett against. They almost came to blows, but Barrett backed down after admitting that Viagra has damaged his cardiac muscle and his latest charity boxing match left him with a hernia. Meanwhile, Stickman has taken up residence in an Asoke highrise with a team of drunken rugby players who have vowed to wait out the floods by watching homosexual pornography on a laptop and throwing their empties into the water far below.

The scene from Dean Barrett's hovel.

Big Baby Kenny, meanwhile, is up to his neck, and he’s nowhere near Bangkok. He has been writing about the things he likes to watch on television, particularly shows that old women usually enjoy while crocheting. His problems are amplifying in California, as has been reported on Big Dummy Kenny and elsewhere (you know who you are). We will reserve comment until we have a chance to discuss the matter with the Chancellor in greater detail.

Stay high and dry.

 

The View from Above

 

 

“Sticks” and Stones

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2011 by สะพานลอย

This week, Stickman took aim at nearly every writer on the Thailand brothel-scene who does not plaster his site with antiquated banner ads or molly coddle sex tourists in Thailand, calling these writers, bloggers, and various forum lurkers “weirdos”, “shit-stirrers”, etc. With all of the self-righteousness of a Catholic school boy, Stickman’s attacks left Saphan Loy wondering whether he is the right man for the job of pitching to his motley collection of readers places like Demonia, Devil’s Den, Lolita’s, Ladyboy Escorts, Big Mango Bar and others. Were we an advertiser on his site, we would be somewhat concerned: someone with a foot fetish is “on another wavelength”? What does that mean? There are those of us (like Jimmy Smithers and Big Baby Kenny Ng) who adore ladyboys and have foot fetishes. I know for one that Jimmy Smithers was so profoundly offended by the Stickman’s rambling tirade that he nearly incapacitated himself with an overdose of Wild Turkey and Pepto-Bismol.

Meanwhile, when not feigning astonishment about other people’s sexual predilections (foot fetishes, ladyboys, etc.), his bleeding heart reaction to some German drifter really takes the cake. I mean, really. Freud would have a field-day with the utter irony represented by his entire website. It is clear that Michael, the German drifter, who clearly suffers from schizophrenia, was sucked into the vortex of the very kinds of places advertised on the Stick-site, then suffered the consequences of a lost mind and an empty bank account. The only way the German embassy will intervene, incidentally, is if Michael dies on the street, or is murdered, or asks for help himself. Surely, the consular officers have better things to do with their time than read the Stick site. How can you even be sure he is German? He may even be a spy whose cover is a homeless sex addict with a mental illness.

So is the Stick biting the proverbial hands that feed him? Were I an owner of Demonia and had an event like the foot fetish event (that looks quite intriguing) mocked as being perverted or, as he puts it, “on another wavelength”, or were I an owner of Big Mango Bar and had my place called the “coldest bar” in Bangkok, Saphan Loy would seek other advertising venues that were kinder and gentler.

In targeting other writers on the Thailand scene, the Stick makes it clear that anyone who diverges from the pat and glib “gosh golly” tone that he effects when dealing with a very serious subject matter (i.e., sex tourism and transnational promotion of prostitution) is thus labeled a “weirdo” or a “shit-stirrer.” It goes to show that in New Zealand, political correctness of a different sort rules the roost and the freedom of expression is but a vaporous mirage of western European and North American ideals that enshrine the right to free speech. Furthermore, we now know the following about Stickman:

  • He doesn’t bar fine.
  • He doesn’t like ladyboys.
  • He does not have a foot fetish.
  • He prefers to take his mother to Soi Cowboy.

Just who is Stickman Bangkok? And why doesn’t he start a blog about another topic, one which he is more qualified to write about? Like the homeless situation in Bangkok, or the dangers of freedom of expression on the Internet, or teaching English in a language mill, or just how perverted foot fetishes are? Better yet, how about a little blog about rugby. See how many banner ads he can sell for that project, thus avoiding the “nasty” characters that comprise his readers.

Jimmy Smithers, Big Baby Kenny Ng, and Dean Barrett love bare feet.

Because Saphan Loy was embarrassed for the Stick by his latest blunder of a column, we are listing (gratis) the Big Mango Bar (which is not the coldest bar in Bangkok) and Demonia in our Views You Can Use section. The ladies of Demonia may thank me with a solid ass-whipping and the privilege of licking their bare toes.

The View from Above

Pussy Magic Razorblades

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on September 24, 2011 by สะพานลอย

Last week, Stickman announced that Dean Barrett will be entering a boxing ring for charity. He called it the “Clangers from Bangers.” Barrett, a legend in his own mind, is a local typist who writes little stories based on the degradation of sex tourism and the pure astonishment that women he pays will actually sit on his lap. As Saphan Loy’s readers well-know, we find his content to be objectionable and written with the literary flair of a 12 year-old. But enough. It will be satisfying to see Barrett take his lumps like a man. It would be even more satisfying if he were paired against a heavy-weight ladyboy, but that spectacle would be more like a gift from God.

Stickman reported that Barrett will go against Colin Hastings, a local publisher. All proceeds from the event (that appears to promise an abundance of scotch whiskey) will go to the charity Rescue the Bar Girls from Dean Barrett’s Lecherous Paws and Protect the General Public from His Pathetic Prose. Saphan Loy is all for charity events. Especially one with lots of scotch on offer.

So, in the spirit of this event (literally) we offer you a new poll of likely outcomes for Dean Barrett’s ill-considered boxing debut. As this blog post title suggests, Saphan Loy would encourage Barrett to use illegal means to achieve cheap points and to avoid the utter humiliation he routinely pays Asian Dominatrices to administer. Namely, a “magic” razor blade discreetly concealed in one of his boxing gloves. Best of luck, Mr. Barrett, from your friends at Saphan Loy.

The View from Above

Pussy Write Letter: Poll Numbers and the Professors of Pimpology 101

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2011 by สะพานลอย

In hoping to solve the mystery of the legendary Patpong Pussy Shows once and for all, our non-scientific poll has revealed that the overwhelming majority of readers prefer ping-pong demonstrations as a vital part of their nightly pussy shows in Patpong. The poll results also show quite clearly that our readers are discriminating pussy show connoisseurs. While the great majority of readers polled enjoy the ping-pong ball aspect of the demonstrations, in second place was a preference for pyrotechnics and special effects, like the string of snapping firecrackers. It begs the simple question: Why? Never in all of the years that we have enjoyed the occasional game of table tennis have we equated the small plastic balls with anything that even vaguely resembles an erotic act. Indeed, table tennis itself seems to reek of absurdity and a whiff of misplaced Asian fanaticism and pent-up athletic frustration resulting from a lack of innate physical prowess.

Asians display a preternatural ability with table tennis.

There were two write-in responses, one of which was the simple and unqualified “No”, while the other stated that the reader “only enjoyed banana shows.”

After a perusal of the menu of options that we featured on the pussy show poll and that lists the wide-open vaginal possibilities for the pussy show-goer, I think that were Saphan Loy to enjoy a pussy show sometime soon, after, say, a light repast at the Oriental, we would most likely forego the ping-pong balls, the beer bottle demonstration, the firecrackers, the “pussy fishes in” option, and the “pussy blowing candle” trick, and would absolutely insist that the exhibited pussy performer “write [a] letter” with her vagina. Much the same way Dean Barrett can do using only the anal sphincter muscles of his asshole.

And not just any letter.

I would not be content to merely observe the model/actress/pussy showgirl scribble sloppily on some random piece of paper in an indecipherable scrawl using only her vaginal muscles and a simple pakka: I would want, pay for, indeed demand an actual formal letter, addressed to William Mahanakorn and the readers of Saphan Loy in Thai and in legible penmanship. Anything short of that would be grounds for a refund, a heated discussion with the pussy show creative director, and a scathing critique in this blog.

The pussy letter might begin thus:

Dear Saphan Loy Readers….

While you have enjoyed mocking Patpong pussy shows now for the better part of the last week, I would like to inform you that inserting objects into my vagina like live fishes for your amusement is neither fulfilling as a career option, nor is it sanitary or especially safe for the goldfish thus employed. Therefore, after tonight’s performance of “pussy fishes in”, I am hanging up my knickers and returning to Chiang Rai to work on my uncle’s rice farm, and to vend decanted Fanta in plastic bags. Thank you, Mr. Mahanakorn, for your years of kind patronage and your critical recommendations.

Regretfully,

Lek

Hot Ping Pong Action: Asian Style

In other news from the United States higher education system, “higher” becoming increasingly the operative word here, a professor from Farleigh Dickinson University in New Jersey has been arrested for running a prostitution ring when not droning on and on about physics in the classroom to bored and disaffected undergraduates. According to the latest breaking news, the investigation is widening, and professors at the University of New Mexico (including a former president and current Professor Emeritus of Political Science, F. Chris Garcia, at UNM) have been implicated and arrested. The website that Professor David Flory (of Farleigh Dickinson University) allegedly ran from his home and office in New Jersey is called Southwest Companions. It is a password-protected site that introduces men to over-priced call girls in New Mexico, who charged clients about $800 USD. As usual, the Huffington Post, who covered another infamous Thai prostitute advocate/college professor Kenny Ng from California State Univesity at Northridge, has published an article here that has the more salacious details.

In his defense, Professor Flory stated that the site was a “hobby” from which he derived no revenue. Saphan Loy has never ceased to be amazed by the bizarre fabrications, the feeble lies, and the utter disregard that professors tend to have for the public at large when they attempt to float their ridiculous and child-like justifications. It reveals two things: first, college professors, while “book-smart”, cannot figure out that by investing in a powerful attorney or public relations manager, they might be able to mount more successful defenses of their inexplicable actions, and two: they completely lack the skills to articulate cogent fictional narratives in their own defense. In other words, their lies are like those that a child might tell after being caught stepping on a toad, or trying to filch a cookie from the cookie jar.

What is happening in the US higher education system to inspire these less-than-stellar academics to write about and openly promote prostitution, whether domestic or, in Kenny Ng’s case, outsourced to the developing world? And who can forget the Northwestern University professor, John Michael Bailey, who authorised a live fuck-saw demonstration for his undergraduate psychology class? In short, what exactly has happened to universities, the once vaunted and respected ivory tower?

In our opinion, the higher educational system lost all semblance of credibility once it had been decoupled from the rigours associated with European systems of philology, philosophy and theology, and, of course, the requisite instruction of the classical languages like ancient Greek and Latin. But I suppose at this point this is merely the kind of complaint that would invite an instant and hostile accusation of academic elitism from those in higher education who would like to see their narrowly defined liberal agendas satisfied and amplified, so they can continue to exhibit fuck-saw demonstrations, write about queer and transgender “theories”, or discuss in any way shape or form such dubious French thinkers as Foucault and Lacan. After all, Dick and Jane, who grew up in the suburbs or the agrarian midwest, would fall behind miserably were they forced to learn Latin, study classical philosophy, or be otherwise forced to generate, heaven forbid, an original and actual thought shaped by concerted effort, rigorous research and logically sound argumentation.

But what is most astonishing about the latest example of “professors gone bad” is that it clearly reflects a growing trend in academia that illustrates that professors, once considered ethical and moral exempla of their societies, have abandoned such notions of responsibility, moral or otherwise, toward their students and have disrespected their own academic communities in the process. And in the broader terms of power structures, empowerment, and a socially engaged, holistic approach to the academy, these bizarre sexual “hobbies” that include prostitution, sex tourism, exploitation, sex-toy demonstrations and the like, constitute a complete misunderstanding or ignorance of power and education, and how they are intimately related. Or what’s worse, they reflect a degraded display of casual antipathy, cynicism and intellectual poverty. We won’t belabour the point here, but leave it at this. Whether the US higher educational system is bloated with miscreants, sex tourists and perverts with PhDs, or whether the intrusion of the State into academic administration has facilitated an environment whereby presidents, provosts, and Boards of Regents and the like are terrified of making what is obviously a moral stand, these dilemmas present here as difficult to answer questions.

Saphan Loy’s suggestion: write a letter.

Rice Harvest, Northeast Thailand

Which reminds us. Recently, Stickman Bangkok featured a young woman from the provinces named Jeap, whose new service in Bangkok promotes the mixing and mingling of Thai girls from the impoverished countryside with lonely and elderly farang from the West who are unable to meet women without her assistance. It was a glowing review of Jeab and her services. But keep in mind, it is not a sex service, and Jeab made it clear that she personally pre-screens all applicants lest they violate Thai cultural norms or display obvious evidence of mental illness.

Sadly, Saphan Loy received an email from Jimmy Smithers the other day, who was so charmed by Jeab and her service, Thai Eternity, that he promptly wrote an email to her. Alas, he never received a response. Out of my sympathies for Jimmy Smithers, I reprint it here should Jeab and Thai Eternity reconsider his mostly pathetic case and simple plea for help:

Hi Jeab,

Congratulations on your article on Stickman Bangkok. You are so lucky to have so much attention for your site Thailand Eternity. A few questions. I am anxious to meet Thai Ladyboys, and I would like to marry one in the United States where it is legal. I know you can help me with my dream. This dream is that one day I will be able to meet a nice Thai Ladyboy, go to her family in a village in the countryside, pay them to buy a new farm and bull for their corn fields, and hopefully bring her to the United States where she can help me with my cleaning, laundry, reminding me to take my medicines, go to ice skating rinks with me, and of course, be my special wife so my whole family can be happy too.

I hope you can help me.

A few things about me, though. I have some disabilities, and some medical problems. But nothing crazy. And I stopped doing drugs a long time ago. So, I think that will be helpful. I have a good heart, and just need a lifetime companion, a really good wife. I am not the best looking man in the universe, but I take a bath twice a week. But I am kind, helpful, and like gardening (but not in a faggy way), I own three cats, and I love learning new languages and cultures. I have studied Taiwanese also, mostly on Yahoo chat, and really love everything about Oriental culture, like suishi and old kung fu movies.

I hope you can help me.

Jimmy Smithers

The View from Above