Archive for Ladyboys

Pussy Magic Flower: Roaches, Ladyboys, and the GFE on Khaosan

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2012 by สะพานลอย

For those of you following everyone’s favourite economics professor, this may come as a shock. His alternative blog, formerly bigbabykennethng.wordpress.com has been removed for a Terms of Service violation. Now, truth be known, it was clear that this particular blog wasn’t really our cherished Professor Ng’s work. Professor Sexpants probably got a sore ass from having his identity replicated by someone with a clear agenda, one that included calling attention to his actual and degrading writings of yesteryear. For Ng to complain to the folks at WordPress because someone stole his identity is a real riot, given the fact that he has engaged in that strategy on his site bigbabykenny.com for a very long time. Whatever the truth, what goes around…you know the rest.

Like clockwork, the Stick has presented his annual homage to the ladyboys. They were due for their plugging, and plug them he did. And good for them. Their nasty stories were compelling evidence that the great majority of sex tourists in Bangkok have likely encountered a ladyboy, and have, in turn, been penetrated. This is not a surprise. Saphan Loy would venture a guess that ladyboys now account for the majority of sex workers in the bars. If you don’t believe it, then your own form of self-delusion is more potent than a tall bottle of Chang beer.

A plague of cockroaches! That’s exactly what the Stick encountered on his way to interview a few snaggle-toothed escorts for his latest and greatest. He reported that shortly after his cheaply constructed condominium was nearly demolished by a rainfall, the Stick went out into a sea of dirty water to bring us a feeble interview with Isan’s poster-girls of bad dentition. Like Indiana Jones, he became covered in cockroaches while standing in floodwaters in the red light district. Ho hum. Were the Stickman more resourceful, he might have handed over the roaches to the insect vendors for a tidy little profit. Ultimately, though, I think that the rainfall, the roaches, the shitty flood water, and the mediocre interview with the call girls have all the hallmarks of a bad Biblical prophecy. Had it happened to Saphan Loy, we would have taken it as a sign from God that our work in the impoverished red light districts of Thailand should come to a merciful end, and that we should make a full confession to our parish priest, or the abbot of the local temple, and issue an apology to our readers.

Over at the Big Mango Bar blog, this recent post nearly forced our analytical skills into overdrive. Was it legitimate? Was it written by a woman, or, worse, Professor Sexpat Ng? Was someone trying to take the piss, as our British friends like to say? Clearly, the writer suffers from a subcranial deficiency of some kind. One of the most repellent paragraphs from the whole train wreck of a story is the following:

We take a taxi to Khaosan Road — we start cuddling in the taxi and she steers my hand down to her pussy so I can finger her (covered by her purse) — I consider if I should take her to a bathroom when we arrive at Khaosan Road and fuck her, as I’m pretty turned on, but wasn’t sure how she’d like that, so I hold myself back and instead we get a roti with banana and chocolate sauce and a beer at a bar.

What in Christ’s name was this man thinking? Checking her oil in the taxi, then going for a roti on Khaosan Road? How romantic. And how completely unhygienic. Saphan Loy would only travel to Khaosan for one of two reasons: sudden and irreversible poverty, or a desire to bone a sweaty European backpacker chick with hairy legs and armpits (just to change things up a bit). But hell, if I wanted to discharge some protozoans into a pasty, idealistic young hippy chick with hairy legs, I would simply enroll in an economics course over at California State University at Northridge.

The View from Above

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Jimmy Smithers Ladyboy Roundup

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2011 by สะพานลอย

Recently, one of Professor Ng’s literally handful of mentally unstable readers posted a comment on the public lavatory wall that is his website regarding William Mahanakorn and ladyboys. When Saphan Loy attempted to post a response to this extraordinarily perceptive insight, Professor Ng did not publish it. Apparently when it comes to defending the good name of William Mahanakorn and Saphan Loy, Professor Ng’s “unhidden” agenda makes itself more plain, which is fine, considering the fact that our team of lawyers is currently becoming intimately familiar with communications law in the State of California. And his arbitrary use of censorship further discredits his dubious operation.  It is clear Professor Ng would rather defame, defraud and impersonate us than give up a little of his largely useless digital space for our acerbic response to Mr. Smithers.

So we started to think about Jim Smithers, the putative commentator and armchair psychoanalyst in question. And the more Saphan Loy considered the matter, it appeared that ladyboys, and those who find them interesting, are an underserved part of the nightlife scene in Thailand and in elsewhere in Asia. Stickman has featured their services prominently since they advertise on his site, and Professor Ng has shared photographs of ladyboys on his own site. So why not Saphan Loy?

A new feature is coming to Saphan Loy: Jimmy Smithers' Ladyboy Corner

In the spirit of Jimmy Smithers’ (Sigmund Freud/Professor Ng’s) accusation, then, Saphan Loy is introducing a new feature called “Jimmy Smithers’ Ladyboy Corner, a part of the saphan loy from which to view the goings (and comings) of ladyboy admirers like Smithers (and Stickman and Professor Ng for that matter). In this feature, we will search the web for the most appealing, or most repellant ladyboys we can find, and, as you know by now, write pointless essays for your pleasure. But for this feature, we have emailed Jimmy Smithers directly asking for his input. Here is his response in its entirety, uncensored with no hidden agenda:

Thank you, William Mahanakorn, for the opportunity to write about my favourite topic: Thai ladyboys. As you know, because of my pronounced limp and my corrective left shoe, I usually have a problem finding real women in my home state of Georgia (Woo hoo, go Bulldogs!). Also, because of my chronic scalp problems and halitosis, I am not the most popular guy when cruising the shopping mall on Saturday nights. But what’s to stop a guy from trying? Besides, I think the Old Spice cologne helps. I buy it in bulk.

I am proud to write about Bangkok’s ladyboys. Professor Ng never asked me to write a longer article like you have. So what’s my experience? I’m glad you asked. Although I have been robbed on many occasions, I can’t keep out of Cassanova in Nana Plaza. I am like a moth to the flame, I guess. In this article, I plan to discuss ways to avoid being robbed by a ladyboy, how to disguise your prosthetic device(s), creative ways of concealing a scalp problem/baldness, ladyboy etiquette (who’s on top?), selecting the right personal lubricant, and how to impress your ladyboy with nice Thai gifts, like durians. I will also talk about more intimate moments, like when to unload and go, or when to kneel and bob, or how to deal with post-sex anal leakage.  I know, none of this is on the web yet. So we will try hard to bring it to you, only on Saphan Loy.

I think most of my colleagues at the discount tyre center and family members are okay with my adventures in Thailand. Aside from the robberies and physical assaults, I have had a few memorable moments with the ladyboys of Bangkok. I’ll never forget the time when a wig came off during a bareback bj, but even with the shattered illusion and the ruined mood, I just laughed it off as one of the many pitfalls of the scene. But with all of my experiences, I am confident you can avoid this too. So, let’s be frank: I will not try to make a buck off of my experiences. And neither will William Mahanakorn and Saphan Loy. You will get fair and balanced accounts of the latest and hottest ladyboy action in Thailand. So keep your eye out on this site, and a hand on your wallet at all times, and we will pave the way to hot ladyboy action in Asia, any time, all the time. 

“That’s our story and we’re sticking to it…”

No wait.

“But I don’t give a hoot…”

Let me try again. Bear with me on this.

“No hidden agenda, no censorship, no bullshit.”

Wait, that’s not quite right either.

“Your Bangkok commentator….”

Damn, taken.

“Thanks for stopping by, people…”

No, not what I am looking for….Wait for it:

She’s no lady. He’s a ladyboy!
Jimmy Smithers, Your Real Lady(boy’s) Man.

The View from Above

   

Shanghai’ed: Big Bisexual Kenny Plugs the Ladyboys

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2011 by สะพานลอย

BBK has joined Stickman in exhibiting his clearly bisexual preference for Thailand’s notorious ladyboys. Interrupting a long sabbatical, BBK has returned to his dubious blog in order to share with us some of his culturally sensitive and academic photography: a young ladyboy dancing provocatively on the top of some kind of vehicle. A closer inspection of the young ladyboy shows that his feet are a dead give-away. They are large and malformed (with a crude little ink stain on the ankle for a tattoo). It is also clear that there are some obvious kathoeys who are enthusiastically watching and recording this heartbreaking display of poverty.

The good professor has no qualms about supporting two industries here: the ladyboy industry that sends feminine young men to the chop shops in Bangkok every day, and amateurish and possibly impromptu sex work in the fields of some agrarian ghost town. That the professor is Asian (and able to pass as a local) clearly afforded him a place at the front of the crowd, while he snapped some poorly floodlit pictures for our enjoyment. Ahh…Spring Break, Southeast Asian style.

Alcohol and sex enhancement drugs clearly affect perception. This is a common motif among the nightlife blogs lately. Not only are the authors attempting to fob off ladyboys as actual women, but they are also clearly deluded and seduced by their ubiquity in Thailand. Could it be that the entire nightlife blogosphere has now been penetrated by ladyboys? Given BBK’s homophobic rhetoric and extremist sympathies, this is an unusual move for the good professor.

Not content to exploit Thailand’s working poor, the economics professor also takes the opportunity to attack China in a bizarre fashion. His flimsy regurgitation of an uninteresting article is an enfeebled attempt to point out differences in sexual mores among Asian cultures. It is as if to say: My academic photographs of Asian whores are reflective of all populations in Asia, including the Chinese. Hell, they are all whores.

At any rate, weary reader, you have been warned. With the bisexual conversion of the Stickman to the beguiling charms of ladyboys, and now the bisexual truth about BBK, is there a writer among us immune to their persuasian? The Asian persuasian?

The View from Above

Stickman Plugs the Ladyboys

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2011 by สะพานลอย

In the world of advertising, there is a certain category of product endorsement called, depending on where you live in the world, the advertorial or the “infomercial.” Here is a Wiki reference to a good example from the early 1960s for the sale of toupees. The way an advertorial works is that it is disguised as an informative article or a simulated television programme, often complete with a kind of talkshow “host” and an interviewee, but in reality it is a lengthy, thinly-veneered advertisement or endorsement of a particular kind of product. Anyone who has ever watched a television after 3:00 AM as a result of insomnia knows how ubiquitous these infomercials really are.

Stickman Bangkok employs this age-old advertising technique in nearly every one of his weekly updates. Nowadays, there is very little content on his site that is not an advertisement or product endorsement in some kind of disguise. This week’s entry is no different. Perhaps reflective of the economic realities of the red light districts of Thailand is a shift away from the employment of actual women of the demimonde to the employment of men who can pass as women in the bars and brothels throughout Southeast Asia. Some young Thai men, for example, must surely know that given certain feminine features or predilections, their potential to earn an income as a certain kind of woman increases significantly above, say, what a motorcycle taxi or tuk-tuk driver earns.

Stick’s story this week is one that serves as an extended commercial for the Ladyboy Escort Services that are advertised via a banner ad positioned directly under the main story. It is written in a coyly naive and somewhat misleading way. Sure, the Frog Bar features prominently, but because the narrator “refuses to pay a barfine”, the reader, whose interest may be aroused by a kathoey bar in Pattaya, is left with more questions than answers. How much is a typical bar fine at a kathoey bar in Pattaya? The correct “answer” for the reader who prefers ladyboys would of course involve the Ladyboy Escort Service that is prominently displayed, whereby, presumably, one pays the ladyboy directly for his services. So, the lesson is, no bar fine required.

Make no mistake: there is nothing inherently wrong with ladyboys or an advertisement for their services. What should be pointed out, however, is that the reader is being sold a product or service within the body of the story itself.   This is not really rocket science, but it is like selling hair replacements to an already bald audience.

And so the moral of the story? Avoid ladyboys? Naah. The moral of the story is to avoid bar fining a ladyboy by using an escort service (conveniently plugged directly beneath the story).

Still, Saphan Loy wonders what the real story behind the story could have been had it been even remotely more interesting. Hmmm… (rubbing chin and daydreaming):

Now, normally in Pattaya, I never pay bar fines. It’s just my policy. Always has been, always will. I am tighter than a two dollar watch. But there was something about this young woman, maybe it was the deeper voice, the protruding Adam’s apple, the hands of a basketball player, or the odd resemblance to a guy I knew in high school. Or maybe it was just the effects of the Singha beer. Hell, I guess I had lost count at five. Whatever it was, I decided that this time, I would pay a bar fine. It wasn’t really a money issue. I knew my advertising revenue from the ladyboy escort service and the bondage club was padding my bank account with depreciating baht every day. Sometimes I didn’t even check my balance. That’s how good I have it. Plus, I was, after all, in Pattaya….what the hell, right? When in Rome….

So, I eagerly paid the mamasan, who smiled knowingly, and I barely tried to conceal my desire for this strange man/woman hybrid. She was very direct with me, even while we innocently played Connect Four and had some quality “girl talk” in Thai. I generally like an “in-charge” kind of gal, so this increased my desire for him and I knew that I was in store for some pleasant memories. She kick-started her motorbike and I sat behind her like her farang bitch prize. We raced off into the tropical night and I grew dizzy with expectation. It was late, so I didn’t care about the other expats and sex tourists giggling at me as we made our way past the bars and clubs.

She took me to a part of Pattaya I had never been before. I was feeling especially protective of my camera. What if he/she took me to a remote spot and beat and robbed me? What if he/she put something in my drink and I was already under its effect? What would happen to my camera and my ATM card? These were thoughts I quickly put out of my head. I knew well enough about these kinds of things happening to less-experienced guys. I was looking forward to for once being one of the young women I always dreamed I could be. Just like the ones I try to capture in my loving photos, so beautiful. Suay mak mak. Anyway, we get to this sordid looking place somewhere on the outskirts of town. In his deep froggy voice, he commands, “Wait here.” I obey meekly for what seems like an hour. I hear what sounds like an argument coming from the little guest house. My heart is racing. Should have popped a Xanax, but too late for that. “Follow me,” she commands. Again, I do as I am told as we make our way to the front door of this little guesthouse of sorts.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m expecting too much, I think to myself apprehensively. Something a little more, well, romantic. Maybe my fantasy won’t live up to the reality of what is about to happen. Suddenly, she almost kicks open the door to this small dimly-lit room. Is she going to carry me across the threshold, like in an old movie? That certainly would be more romantic. I wouldn’t feel as cheap and nervous as I do now. Where is this headed? Does this mean that I am gay? Of course not, I persuade myself. Again, my reasoning seems compromised by the Singha, but I can hardly contain my excitement all the same. All of my years in the red light districts of Thailand have not adequately prepared me for whatever awaits in this little foul-smelling room on the outskirts of Pattaya. It’s not too late. I can always make a dash for it. So what’s a little เสียหน้า? Meanwhile, I hear the shower running from the bathroom. The small lizards dart about on the walls in the dull glow of the fluorescent lightbulb….

That was all in good fun. We of course know how the story really ended. Fairly anti-climactic, so to speak. And another moral of the story to remember: a girl has to kiss a lot of frogs before, well, you know the rest.

The View from Above

 
 

For similar vintage advertisements, see oldorientmuseum.com.