Archive for Mobithailand

Tourism in Thailand: Full Moon Waning

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2014 by สะพานลอย

One of the difficult aspects of drumming up the energy to write this blog in a place that exudes the tropical languor of a newly restored banana republic is the fact that the world-notorious Bangkok nightlife scene is decaying, and my two bar girls, Lek and Tuy, keep me well occupied here at Saphan Loy with their operatic complaints, occasional sexual favours, and vapid displays of their Thai frivolity. In short, I find all I need within the walls of my private pleasure palace.

Recently Lek, to my delight, somehow procured a special green herb that in Thailand grows everywhere. She brought home the cured reproductive bud of the plant in a plastic bag. Tuy knew just what to do. She immediately began rolling the dried material into cigarettes, as though she had done this for years. The three of us shared the fag, and a most pleasing calm took hold of us.

And for the rest of the evening, all we really managed to do was watch the telly, grin like idiots, and eat mango and sticky rice. However, our “special” evening routine was anything but routine, and we will leave it to you depraved sex tourists to conjure your disgusting fantasies on your own. Let’s just say that it involved basic acrobatics, gender confusion, and far too much rice whiskey.

Stick's site is now entirely dedicated to ladyboys.

Stick’s site is now entirely dedicated to ladyboys.

Bar Bloggers Under Martial Law

A perusal of the nightlife blog and website scene reveals the following, in the event that any of you still actually care:

Stickman has officially redirected his readership to our old friend and reader, Will Morledge at Bangkok Eyes. This is ironic, since Morledge’s site is actually more interesting than the Stick’s ladyboy folly. The mostly softball questions of the interview were just as one has come to expect from the Stick: pablum and mutual masturbation, with a tone that suggests, “Ooh, look at us old timers in Bangkok! We should feel so proud of ourselves! Let’s celebrate by splitting a Ladyboy!”

Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng is still on the web. Have a mosey and a gander. While the sex tourism economics professors seems to have abandoned it, the Thai whore blog nonetheless preserves all of his race baiting, misogyny and delusion intact. Does the University of California at Northridge even have a tenure review process?

Mobi has officially sold his bar on the dark side of the lake, and renamed his Thai paramour “Lek.” Not, of course, to be confused with Saphan Loy’s “Lek.” Mobi is still valiantly putting up the good fight, onward Christian soldiers, and all that rot. In today’s post, Mobi points out all of the endearing charms of General Prayuth. This is interesting, since it echoes “Bill of Phuket’s” experience as well, a hotelier who finds virtue in martial law. As Sylvia Plath, the suicidal poetess once wrote:

“Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.”

Is "Bill of Phuket" one and the same from the eponymous Stephen Blather novel?

Is “Bill of Phuket” one and the same from the eponymous Stephen Blather story?

Full Moon Waning

Once upon a time, when SL was still able to drink until dawn (and certainly in the pre-Lek and Tuy days), we visited the island of Koh Phangan, if only to see for ourselves the general depravity on offer. Although we were not there during one of the ever-popular “Fool Moon Parties”, we nonetheless got a very good sense of what the backpacker scene was like in the fabled “paradise” of Thailand.

I was travelling at the time with a Western woman, whom I will call “C”, and who, at the time, was SL’s closest companion, lover, and, in more instances than not, apologist. In the early days of SL, there was much to apologise for, and her tolerance and loyalty were beginning to fray, however slightly, in this remote, semi-abandoned bungalow operation.

When is the next fool moon?

When is the next fool moon?

The bungalows seemed to be haphazardly constructed around a small coconut plantation. In truth, the rudimentary architecture of the small village seemed to have been created by inebriated children. There was a very basic structure that housed the local sundry from which one could purchase serious provisions (Chang Beer and some bags of delicious chemical foodstuff comprised of many small brown coated peanuts, which, in turn, were characterized by a sweet coffee flavor and a crunchy coconut shell).

Built on simple cinder blocks, the walls of the shop-house were made of tin. For those brief few days, SL brought much joy to the merchant for daily beer purchases, surely enriching the man beyond what custom he would have otherwise anticipated. But, seeing that we were the only custom on that rainy weekend, I am sure I amply made up for in the quantity and frequency of which they were purchased. It never hurt to avail myself of 5 baht shots of rice whiskey by the glass either.

 

Keep 'em coming, sweetheart.

Keep ’em coming, sweetheart.

The most recent atrocity committed on Koh Tao, one of Thailand’s celebrated bucolic isles in the Gulf of Siam, only adds to the growing list of reasons one should avoid a trip until such time as domestic tensions have been eased by the hands of a particularly skillful masseuse in a short, polyester dress.

Western media went berserk over the bludgeoning deaths of Hannah Witheridge and David Miller, aged 23 and 24 years respectively. The couple met their tragic demise on the tiny island at the hands of unknown assailants. Because of the enormity of the crime and Thailand’s desire to keep crimes like this under wraps, a full scale police investigation (including assistance from the FBI) was launched to capture those cowardly Burmese immigrants responsible. When in doubt, blame it on the Burmese.

Thai tourism has suffered from a cascade of problems.

Thai tourism has suffered from a cascade of problems.

It has become clear that tourism in Thailand is suffering. Martial law does not exactly conjure images of free love and Bacchus in the Land of Coups d’Etat. But Saphan Loy lives here, and we have become happily pacified in our pleasure palace. And yes, occasionally, SL will stagger from his minx-infested condo and get into a cab to be shuttled to the dubious whore districts, where I lose myself in the grotty smells and sights of an industry now dominated by Ladyboys, and the Stickmen of the world who love them.

The View from Above

Jimmy Smithers Released…in his trousers

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2014 by สะพานลอย

First, sincere apologies for not getting news out of Jimmy Smithers sooner than this. Lek was just now lounging about Saphan Loy Central with a perpetual frown, like she wanted me to get up and entertain her. I told her to run along and catch a picture show. Lately she has been jealous of Tuy. Why this is happening is quite unclear. After all, Lek has some unique qualities about her which afford her the proper place as the primary wife: she is able to drink me under the table for starters, she could probably kick my ass up and down the soi without breaking a sweat, and her Kegel muscles are so strong that she must have spent her entire adult life inserting things into her vagina for sport.

Words of wisdom to those fortunate enough to secure the affections of two Thai women simultaneously: create few conditions whereby they have an opportunity to pull each other’s hair out, and keep your cutlery under lock and key.

That said. Oh, yes. Smithers.

Turns out, he had exaggerated his purported “run in” with the Thai military. He had been drinking for several days, that much is clear from the witness statements and surveillance video. But his problems with Thai officialdom resulted in actuality from his failure to pay a much older “woman who searches for food” for her evening of “services” which included, at one very low point, the insertion of her foot into his rectum for sensory erotic purposes. When Smithers frightened her with his incoherence, his inability to achieve an erection, and his unwillingness to remit her fee, she called the Thai gendarmes, and one of them, with an embarrassed almost apologetic smile, told him to pay her what he owed her: 1,000 baht.

Regardless of his reluctant fiduciary compliance, he was unable to walk down the single flight of stairs to the soi, and therefore needed medical assistance, which was happily provided by the lovely nursing staff at a provincial Thai hospital despite the fact that one of them had to give him a sponge bath, his first hygienic experience in perhaps several weeks if discounting his bizarre fortnightly “bathing” ritual in the Gulf of Thailand.

Enter Saphan Loy, Lek, and Tuy. Mainly, we forked over the emergency funding to get him back on his feet again and hopefully to an internationally qualified physician and attendant psychiatrist, the names of which were provided by the exasperated staff at his embassy. Lek and Tuy also made a phone call to the province where he was temporarily domiciled in his grim little hospital room to have two fat ripe Durians and a bottle of whiskey (obviously against hospital policy) delivered directly to his bedside table over the timid protestations of the head nurse.

Smithers argued that he had no hand grenades at time of admission.

Smithers argued that he had no hand grenades at time of admission.

At any rate, faithful readers, my apologies. I have allowed that fat prick Jimmy to interfere with my whole plan for the last time. Now that the world is ending, or at least as illustrated by the last gasps of the dying nightlife of Thailand which, now mortally wounded, kicks its legs erratically the way an animal might after being struck by a moving vehicle, we should focus on what remains fun in the Kingdom, for those who will still remain here after the 30-day sex tourist visas wallpapered in their passports result in a sudden, military-like departure from the Kingdom, paid for in full by them or their perturbed families.

In even better news, our old companion Mobi has opened a bar on some dubious lake on the outskirts of Pattaya at what is perhaps the worst time imaginable: during a military occupation of the country’s economy, a plummeting baht, and a badly damaged tourist sector. Not surprisingly, he has recently become depressed again. And while I am not plugging his bar for sympathy reasons, Lek and Tuy (and I) strongly recommend you pay him a visit on the dark side of the lake. Mobi is keeping the fires burning, putting up the good fight, and all that, and for that we should be grateful.

Bring me my breakfast. Make sure it is ice cold please.

I am certain she will serve my English breakfast as I take it: ice cold and in the bottle.

Now, while we just admitted we were not doing this out of the pure goodness of our darkened and twisted hearts, it is our hope that we may be recompensed in kind when the three of us take a jaunt out into the countryside and require refreshing libation, tasteful music, actual conversation in properly enunciated English, a variety of food offerings, and additional female companionship (should Lek and Tuy humour an old man like me, of course.)

Is everyone wearing a seat belt?

Is everyone wearing a seat belt?

It is my hope that at the very least, the drive out there had better involve a nice long Thai back massage (more than ten minutes, or I will take away those damned cell phones, ladies!) while I thread the Saphan Loy Dream Machine through the inexplicable traffic patterns (or complete lack thereof) that suddenly confront us, the ancient Heil lorries loaded with chemicals, cement, sewerage, and God knows what else, bearing down on wobbly motorbikes, bullock carts, and sundry rattletraps that defy basic principals of mechanical engineering, as we struggle with the wisdom of such an undertaking in the first place.

And we won’t invite Jimmy Smithers. That is a promise.

 

The View from Above

Saphan Loy’s Year End Roundup and Shameful Holiday Greetings!

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2013 by สะพานลอย
Time to stuff some stockings.

Time to stuff some stockings.

Christmastime in the red light districts of Bangkok is a special time. The booze flows freely, the ladyboys prance about in a state of magical, yaa baa-induced wonder like sugarplum fairies, and the Stickman takes a moment to reflect on all of the beautiful Thai courtesans whom he assiduously refused to have sex with in 2013. The “naughty webmaster” for “naughty boys” will likely be rewarded for his efforts with big black lumps of coal in a torn fishnet stocking hanging glumly from his limp mosquito net.

Even my special assistant, Lek, is unusually festive as she busies herself around the Saphan Loy executive suite picking up empty beer bottles and scrubbing the stains out of the faux leather divan where, in between long periods of writing and drinking, I have expended considerable fluids in sating the out-of-control, simian-like libido of a brown-skinned idolater. By the way, she despised part one of the Saphan Loy’s Thai Ladies for Dummies™ guide, mainly because she, like all Thais, does not like to have our “dirty laundry” aired in a public forum. Nonetheless, for her insolence, she will be amply rewarded in the new year.

Yes, gentle readers, it’s that time of year again. Time to take stock of what has been an utterly sordid and shameful year in the red-light districts of Bangkok, and for the bloggers who have attempted to type a word or two about their equally unsavoury experiences. 2013 also marked the dramatic disappearance of some from the game, as well the dogged persistence of the few who remain, banging the tired gong of their own misguided takes on why Cambodia and the Philippines are starting to look better and better.

The Departed

BigBabyKenny.com is defunct.

BigBabyKenny.com is defunct.

The biggest departure of 2013 was the abandonment of the now defunct BigBabyKenny.com. Not with a bang, but a whimper. The bloated sex professor most likely abandoned his blog in part because of a new and punitive teaching schedule which has kept him from a dubious hobby that once saw him board a Boeing 757 bound for sex paradise every summer, just as soon as the last of his retarded undergraduate students left his office after complaining about their depressed grades and threatening to have their mothers call him directly. Mercifully, he has even stopped authoring the ridiculous comments in which Professor Ng shares everything from references to pedophilia, racial remarks on the US presidency, and homophobic slurs aimed at Thailand’s transgendered community.

The second departure this past year has been the disappearance of Bangkok Buddy, a gentle soul who only sought out “happy memories” among the cheapest brothels, free buffets, and dive bars of Bangkok. In return, his cadre of Chinese friends, who bizarrely call themselves “The Bay Area Boyz”, turned on him and drove him off the Internet. The story behind his disappearance is complicated, and we have written about the sordid details previously. The lesson in the Bangkok Buddy (and his “Bay Area Boyfriends”) story is that you should carefully evaluate your “friends” in Thailand. Are they mentally ill? Is this mental instability the result of too many drugs, or a strange Syphillitic condition brought on by overexposure to tropical venereal diseases? You must choose wisely.

The "Bay Area Boyz" of Bangkok celebrating Christmas.

The “Bay Area Boyz” of Bangkok celebrating Christmas. Photo courtesy of Chris Madeira.

Still Plugging Along: The Museum Sites

The Stickman of Bangkok continues his efforts at creating the seamless infomercial for all things commercial sex in Southeast Asia, including his oft-featured ladyboy escort sites which he plugs repeatedly. Knowing how much of a prude the Stick is, we wonder if 2014 will be the year he allows one to plug him as well. Now that would be worth a read.

While 2013 saw very little variation in his advertisement blog, he nonetheless did add a widely criticized “Girl of the Week” section, in which he features the homeliest of Thailand’s bar girls who offer a stark reminder that it is better to depart well before the cock crows if one is to preserve the hazy alcoholic image of your bar-fined assignation from the night before.

One of the main weaknesses of this feature is that it throws unflattering light on the girls in question and by extension on the entire bar culture in Bangkok. Without beer goggles, the plain Janes, or plain “Leks” of the chrome pole seem wan and distant and somewhat malnourished. They appear almost as lifeless and uninteresting as a horrid Chris Coles painting. We at Saphan Loy have decided that the Stickman is no longer as relevant as he was, say, in 2002. Therefore, he joins the ranks of Saphan Loy’s “Museum Sites.” These are sites that have not changed their general appearance (think primary colours, slapdash HTML, and banner ads), content, or their format since their ill-advised conceptions. They shrink from technical innovation and change, and are stuck in time, like a Polaroid picture of a bar-girl staining the sheets of some short-time hotel in Pattaya.

Bangkok Eyes: Midnight Hour

Our friend Will Morledge over at Bangkok Eyes is still at it. Although Saphan Loy has teased him in the past, we have to admit that his site has become more interesting as he has started to publish more historical information and archival photographs. Have a look at his December column for some visually satisfying images from the former Mississippi Queen bar in Patpong. In the ever-changing field of Bangkok red-light blogs and websites, Morledge’s persistent longevity is really quite admirable and worth a look every month.

Joy from the Missippi Queen Bar, circa 1970s. See Bangkokeyes.com.

Joy from the Mississippi Queen Bar, circa 1970s. See Bangkokeyes.com.

Red-Light Bloggers Still Pounding Away

Mobi d’Ark. Our friend Mobi is also, bless his soul, still having a seat in front of his keyboard and sharing his thoughts and impressions of the world of a Pattaya expat. He is also making available his literary efforts online, and should you be interested in Thailand-based fiction, have a look at his offerings. Mobi, who has endured various hardships this past year, remains a stalwart of the Thai blogging scene. We hope he keeps at it.

Finally, for those of you who miss the Big Mango Bar blog, rest assured that you can still get your fix over at Mango Unchained, a continuation of sorts of the old blog, only a bit more subdued and with a great improvement in the quality of the writing. Graham, who moderates the blog, does an excellent job selecting stories and keeping things moving along.

The premise behind the blog is that these are stories that feature things to do away from the neon glare of the bars themselves, and focus more on expat life in the company of your special Thai lady friends. These are often interesting vignettes into the strange habits and ways of the Thai lady, and how they behave outside of captivity. However, you will still find a story or two about an amusing pub crawl. Well worth a look in 2014.

The Year Ahead

Speaking of special Thai lady friends, look for more of Saphan Loy’s words of wisdom on the treatment of our executive assistant, Lek. As ever, we will task her with various degrading assignments throughout Bangkok, ferreting out information for use in this column. She is quite the สายลับ and she knows the backstreets of our mean city like the back of her graceful, elongated hands.

So, as long as you are sober or sane enough to type a URL into your browser, or remember to make Saphan Loy your main source of information on all things Thai red-light blogs, we will endeavour to type up this column for your edification. Lek and I wish you and yours a very Happy Christmas and New Year, and may all of your red-light district experiences be sordid and disgraceful! Who knows? Perhaps we will meet somewhere on Patpong and I will happily autograph your Thai bargirl’s small, boy-like breasts (with No. 2 pencil eraser nipples) with my felt-tip pen. For a nominal fee, of course.

With that, we leave you with Saphan Loy’s Girl of the New Year! Enjoy!

Saphan Loy’s Girl of the New Year:

The Lovely Kim XXX or Manga

Kim XXX, or Manga, Thai German Porn Star
Kim XXX, or Manga, Thai-German Porn Star

Name: Kim XXX, or Manga

Official Website 

Age: 26

Nationality: German

Languages: German and Thai

Special Skills: Engaging in depraved group sex scenes with German men,

consuming the semen of multiple donors, Thai cooking, reading “ka-toon”

Kim XXX, or Manga, is an amazing actress, and a real Thai sweetheart. She is a Thai sex machine who speaks German. What more could one ask for? Her performance range is unlike anything you will likely see in your alcoholically foreshortened lifetimes. She is petite, hard-bodied, and pumped up with enough silicone to firestop a skyscraper. Her twisted German overlords feature her on a site called German Goo Girls (I’ll leave it to you to do your own research), where they make her the degraded object of their Teutonic perversions. Happy New Year, Manga!

The View from Above

ThaiPeeps Revisited

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2013 by สะพานลอย

Saphan Loy’s first foray into the blogging world was back in 2006. It’s hard to believe that we have been at it for seven years, and I suppose we can insert all sorts of cliches about the passage of time here. Much has changed in Thailand and the world in that time, and the red light blogs have eroded in both quality and content during that time as well. With miscreants like Big Baby Kenny Ng appearing on the scene, and the vicious attack on perhaps one of the finest Thailand nightlife blogs, the legendary MangoSauce, things really haven’t been the same since the 2000s.

Lek and I finally decided to revisit ThaiPeeps, which has always been there as a kind of archive of sorts. We cleaned up the way it looks to make it simpler, and removed any links to videos that have since been deleted or withdrawn from YouTube. Although we haven’t added any YouTube videos to ThaiPeeps in a long time, the Blogger platform nonetheless allows for continued uploading without any expense to yours truly. This is certainly one area that WordPress may wish to explore, although to be fair Blogger and YouTube are both owned by Google.

That said, I invite you to have a look around at some of the videos curated there. The one we’ve selected above still interests us, for purely intellectual reasons. And if you come across anything on YouTube that might be of interest, please send the link to be added to ThaiPeeps. For one person (or two if we count Lek), the task is too time consuming (i.e., looking at YouTube all day to separate the wheat from the chaff.)  Only Big Baby Kenny Ng has that kind of free time. But I am always happy to see something interesting, particularly if it offers a glimpse into the Thai worldview that is otherwise difficult to obtain.

Red Light Roundup

Nothing much happening in the Red Light whoreblogs, which partially explains the long absence. This week’s Stickman is worth a look, as he generally seems to do much better when he hands the microphone over to someone else. It could very well be that the people he tends to interview are infinitely more interesting than he is, which is probably not a significant hurdle to begin with. In this week’s column the owner of the former Mississippi Queen discusses the filming of the classic American war film The Deer Hunter (1978) at the bar and what it was like to meet with Robert De Niro in his suite at the Oriental, which is an interesting story indeed.

However, Stick also seems to have literally torn a page from the playlist of Bangkok Eyes, in that the subject this week is a somewhat historical journey into the past to what Patpong was like at a time when Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng was awaking from his very first wet dream. Generally, we prefer to visit Bangkok Eyes when we need our fill of historical pictures and the like, since our friend William R. Morledge has been documenting the history of the red-light districts of Bangkok since the very inception of Bangkok Eyes. It could also very well be that we will see many more such stories, which are likely efforts to stimulate the remaining brain cells of Stickman’s growing demographic of Viagra eaters and ailing pensioners.

In other news, Mobithailand, who is still alive and relatively well and blogging about his experiences in Pattaya, has suffered a few set-backs recently, including a harrowing financial ordeal that is probably more reflective of a disintegrating world economy than anything else. However he has completed his novel A Lust for Life and has made it available to anyone who knows how to make use of a computer, and also read the English language. That essentially eliminates anyone who comments on the Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng site. Anyway, Mobi also has received a mention on the Stickman site recently, which has significantly increased his traffic. Have a mosey on over to read about his continuing saga (and to see photographs of his very lovely Noo sitting on his piano bench).

We have it on good authority that it has been hot in Bangkok. Remain cool, put ice in your beer, and enjoy your water-making activities. Both indoors and out.

The View from Above

Tastes Like Chicken

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Saphan Loy has harped in the past on the gross violations of good faith that the Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng has exhibited on his ill-fated website bigbabykenny.com. He has eschewed all rational ethics (such as they are) and generally-accepted behavioural norms of self-publishing, and has demonstrated an extraordinarily rudimentary kind of schoolyard monkey-mind in his absurd treatment of other writers and bloggers (Saphan Loy included) that calls into question a few puzzling riddles about the kind of man Kenneth Ng really is. What we can glean from his sex tourism blog is that he is quite seriously mentally ill and certainly sex-addicted, with far-reaching fetishes that most likely include coprophagia, a behaviour he shares with dogs.

Generally speaking, most college professors are borderline deranged anyway, but usually in a harmless or quirky way. Perhaps they like crossword puzzles, for example. Or maybe they collect stamps, tea cozies, or antique bottles.  Not Ng. His perversions must certainly poison every classroom he enters, and he likely repels unsuspecting undergraduates with his pornographic avocation worn proudly on his sleeve without shame. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but professors, like any authority figure, should be held accountable to a standard that is elevated. For example, when Jimmy Smithers underwent a colonoscopy recently (see the article and the many interesting comments here), he would not expect that the doctor (were he a male) would be a deranged sex tourist. Indeed, were you or I to find out this information on the operating table, we would likely be dismayed and attempt to halt the procedure by abruptly pulling the IV from our veins and putting on our trousers.

Similarly, were you or I to sit down in a classroom, and the authority figure (the professor) had the reputation of an eager third world prostitute john which preceded him internationally, it would immediately colour our expectations and our feelings of comfort, which may, in turn, compel us to leave (unless of course his course were required). That the California State University of Northridge seems to be heading in the direction of purging their classrooms of deviants is an encouraging sign. In addition, the state’s impoverished university system has far too many other problems to worry about. And when the day comes when Big Baby Kenny Ng is called to the carpet, he will find his worst fears realized: directionless, he will go to Thailand, his head hanging low, where he will be forced to eke out a living there as a teacher in a mediocre university, working like a dog for a pittance of a salary, and having to deal with the indignity of “visa runs” and empty bank accounts for the rest of his natural days.

Which brings us to Ng’s latest salvo in a long campaign of misinformation: the origins of Saphan Loy. We (Lek and I) will not address Big Baby Kenny Ng’s retarded speculations regarding the ownership structure of Saphan Loy. We trust that our readers are capable of informed critical analysis and educated opinion, unlike the fat man’s bogus readership of the criminally insane.

In other news from the blogosphere, there are rumours circulating that Big Baby Kenny is now in Bangkok (see here and here), and it is our hope that he enjoys his sex holiday. After a whole semester spent looking at his unattainable and tantalizing coeds in his unendurable lectures, he needs one of two things: a cold shower or a trip to Bangkok. Teacher Tim Torkildson the Clown has returned to Stickman after a very brief hiatus. He wrote a piece last week that announced his return, and the take-down notice was removed by TEFL International. Due to the highly volatile discussions around his contract with TEFL International and the tense negotiations around his salary, it is nice to see that the details have been ironed out and we can once again enjoy Tim the Clown’s quirky take on life in a Thai classroom, and his musings on having romantic liaisons with Thai women.

On a much more serious note, Mobi over at Mobithailand.com is having open-heart surgery in Bangkok early next week. We at Saphan Loy wish him the best and a speedy recovery, and look forward to his return. I have to admit that having open-heart surgery in Thailand (or anywhere for that matter) is a courageous act of healthcare, which requires a lot of support and well-wishes. Take a moment to drop him a line.

Finally, in Stickman’s latest and greatest (a boring description of Siam Square), one of his deranged readers submitted a letter that is even more insulting than the feces that emanates from Big Baby Kenny Ng’s keyboard. In essence, the letter (reproduced below) is a horribly disrespectful analogy between fast food and Thai bar girls. It reveals a sickened mind and a non-existent moral conscience. By reproducing it here, it is Saphan Loy’s hope that it will draw appropriate levels of outrage. Who is so callous as to compare a young woman to fried chicken? I put this question to my office assistant, Lek, and she replied with a colourful expression of her own, a derogatory term that combines the words “farang” and bird-shit. In short, we were both stunned by this abortion of a letter penned by some Pattaya vagrant who prefers shirts without sleeves, his beer in tin cans, and his “fried chicken” in plastic buckets. A word of advice for this highly-evolved specimen of humanity: in future restrict the audience of your tortured similes to yourself, your psychotherapist, or your local clergyman only.

Reprinted in its entirety here:

Visiting Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy compared to visiting McDonalds, you have a hunger, you go there for convenience, it’s gaudy, bright and trashy inside, you see what you think you want, you order it and take it away, but when you get outside you realise that what you really have is a bag in your hand that’s full of shit, you know it’s wrong and that you shouldn’t, but you have it anyway.  Temporarily you feel satisfied, you walk away leaving your trash behind!  Comparing the pay for play experience to KFC, nothing at all intellectual about the experience, once you’re done with the breast and thigh all that you’re left with is a useless greasy box to put your bone in!

As ever, we suppose it is of no surprise that there are those who think like this miscreant and who frequent Big Baby Kenny Ng’s site regularly. That Stickman, however, published this “gem” speaks to his complicity in the degradation of prostitutes (who should nonetheless be afforded some dignity and the most basic of human respect) in his adopted city. In our minds, what is far worse than the typing of this atrocity is the publishing it for the general public.

The View from Above

The Year in Review: A New Year Ahead. Observations, Predictions.

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 28, 2011 by สะพานลอย

What a sordid year it was. As we get ready to ring in the new year, Thai style with a bottle of lukewarm Singha, let’s recall some major low-lights from the year past, and look ahead to what the new year holds in store. The past year witnessed some atrocities, as usual, in the Thai redlight blogosphere. Very few gems were to be found in the roughage that comprises the palsied prose and tortured syntax of the blog-heads. In addition, we have seen that some scribblers have decided to bow out of the online scene altogether. A few comments follow. Parental discretion is advised.

Stickman Bangkok

Let’s start with the biggest and the brightest of the online luminaries, Stickman Bangkok. After teasing his audience throughout the year with hand-wringing and indecision regarding his future, he has decided, not surprisingly, to stay put in the red-light districts of Thailand, which have come to define him. His photography has devolved, and his favourite subjects still seem to be poor children and bargirls. While he unashamedly takes cold (hard) ladyboy cash, and the filthy lucre of brothels as advertising revenue, he still insists that he doesn’t partake, and that he is stupefied by changes in the country. Saphan Loy believes this is the most interesting part of his website, though he doesn’t intend it as such. He is constantly flummoxed by Thailand’s changing demographics and the demographics of the sex tourist population in general. What does the new year hold in store for the poster boy of sex tourism himself? Likely, he will find himself stuck in Thailand, a “lifer”, ping-ponging from bar to bar like some character in a Greek tragedy. Always tantalized by the offerings, but never partaking, we predict he will end up much like Dean Barrett.

One day in the new year, he will break down, step into Bar Bar or Demonia, and be offered a sound lashing from a Thai rice farmer’s daughter who will then insert an uncomfortably large sex toy into his rectum while he barks like a soi dog. Stickman will consent enthusiastically, and find it so pleasurable that he will dedicate himself to BDSM for the remainder of his natural life, never sitting comfortably again. From there, he will slip down the slippery slope and avail himself of the services of a small group of ladyboy escorts, who will treat him like a schoolgirl in the comfort of his Bangkok highrise.

Big Baby Kenny Ng

This year marked the departure from the serious blogosphere of Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng out in California. He has clearly given up the ghost, allowing the only active thread to be overwritten by the criminally insane. His brand of lunacy will be turned off in the new year, and he will likely be joining the swelling ranks of American unemployed academics, scratching out a living by tutoring semi-retarded children. But not to fear. There are plenty of openings at TEFL International, and perhaps the clown-in-chief there can teach him a thing or two about the Thais.

As of this writing, however, it appears the Ng has just published another word-fart about a cheap buffet in Bangkok. He is clearly celebrating his holiday in Bangkok, courtesy of the moronic California taxpayer, who is so immobilized by political correctness that he (or she) cannot stand up in the face of basic humanitarian atrocities.

The Chinese love all you can eat buffets. They pile their plates full of crappy fried food and rejoice in the low cost of eating it, then pass it through their intestines, then clog up the plumbing, much to the horror of the chambermaids at the cheap flophouse he calls home in the city of angels. Saphan Loy predicts that Ng’s cheap Bangkok buffets will soon turn into long lines at his local soup kitchen.

Big Baby Kenny will soon join the long lines at the soup kitchen.

Mobithailand

Our friend Mobi has been busy and, mercifully, staying sober. He has interestingly decided to post photos of his paramour, Noo, who is quite lovely indeed. We wish Mobi the best in the new year. He has been one of the few stalwarts among the blog-heads, always posting honestly and without artifice. Mobi consistently proves that a dotage spent in Thailand can be tempting, relaxing, and enjoyable all at the same time. We hope he avoids temptation of the spiritual kind, and continues to post about the darkside and all the darkies that can be found there.

The Redlight Scribblers (and Painter)

Stephen Blather et al., including the abominable Chris Coles, will likely continue to type unreadable prose, and render unspeakably offensive arts and crafts that assault the senses (unless those senses happen to be dulled by the local lager and barbiturates.) Look for hefty additions to the pulp-making machine, or network-clogging “e-books” that appeal to the inpatients at your local veteran’s home. Also in the coming new year, perhaps Coles will finally sell a neon bargirl to the half-blind, or the blind-drunk, who would like a painting to install above the commode. Or, better yet, perhaps the new year will inspire Coles to retire from his paint-making efforts, hang up his smock, and, instead, take up semi-permanent residence on a barstool on Patpong, administered to by a snaggle-toothed ladyboy.

Jimmy Smithers

So, what of that lady(boy’s) man, Jimmy Smithers? He has exciting plans for the new year. He is currently in negotiations with a major motion picture studio for the rights to his personal stories. He also has a new line of merchandise planned, including coffee mugs, tee-shirts and insulated beer holders. He is hard at work on his e-book, and is scanning his local classified sections for shemales, transvestites and ladyboys. Because he was recently fired, it is unlikely that a Bangkok trip is in the cards for the new year. Look for further depravity to escape from his keyboard, prolonged struggles with alcohol and sinus medication, and lurid accounts of his masturbation habits. He may even develop adult-onset diabetes, or have what he calls a “crap-attack” at an inopportune moment (like a job interview.) We predict great things for Jimmy Smithers. He’s one to keep your eye on. You know, by covering your other eye with your hand when the room is spinning, or you can’t navigate the Bangkok sidewalks after consuming too much Mekong Whiskey.

At any rate, Saphan Loy wishes you the best of the holidays, and a happy new year. As long as sex tourists are willing to jot down their half-formed ideas, their tawdry hopes and dreams, and their sinful encounters with third world prostitutes, we will be there. And despite all our plights and gripes, we still give them credit for trying. After all, an internet absent of their presence would be a boring place indeed.

The View from Above