Archive for prostitution

Deconstructing Big Baby Kenny Ng: A Textual Analysis of the Post Heard Round the World

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 23, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Reprinted at bigdummykenny.com, courtesy of webarchive.org. Originally posted to The Farang Speaks Too Much (tfs2m.com) circa 2009. Acknowledgments go to BigDummyKenny.com for reviving this gem for our edification. Big Baby Kenny’s words are italicized while Saphan Loy’s analysis is not. The following is a critical exegesis of the post that set into motion a chain of events culminating in the public outing of Professor Kenny Ng at the California State University at Northridge. Enjoy.

 Buddha and Babes by BigBabyKenny

Before we analyse the content of the article, a word or two about Big Baby Kenny Ng’s choice of title is in order. Reference is  made to the Phra Tri Murti Shrine (sometimes spelled as Tri Murati) as well as the Erawan shrine located in Bangkok. The shrines referenced here are actually Hindu, so all subsequent references to Buddhism in this article are flatly wrong. The Hindu shrine Phra Trimurti represents the “trinity” (hence “tri”) of divinities in Hinduism, namely Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. The Sanskrit term is  त्रिमूर्तिः trimūrti.

Hinduism, carried and practiced by Indian merchants, mendicants, or learned Brahmans in the early centuries of the Common Era (the exact factors that played into the transportation of Indian culture to Southeast Asia has never been concretely established), was a part of Southeast Asia’s historical contacts with the rituals of Hinduism, and later Buddhism. For this reason, many of the references to the lingam (phallus) and the yoni (vagina) found in Thailand are derived from these early influences. Buddhism and Thai society have tolerated the pre-Buddhist images and rituals from Hinduism, hence the multitude of lingam images in stone and wood carving found on display on the sidewalks of Sukhumvit, and the shrines that Kenny references within this blog post.

Secondly, researching the Hindu significance of the Phra Tri Murti Shrine did not require an enormous amount of effort or energy on Saphan Loy’s (or Lek’s) part, certainly not the kind generally associated with an academic paper. That the professor failed to cross-check a very simple fact, which was facilitated by a major commercial internet search engine, indicates his impoverishment of prose composition skills and research abilities.

 Some posters write semi fictional, self glorifying stories masquerading as the truth featuring themselves as heroes with Brad Pitt’s looks, James Bond’s savoir faire, and porn star cocks who leave every girl breathless, sated, and slavering for more—and expect us to believe what they write is 100% the truth.

Despite many omissions of the hyphen in what are essentially hyphenated adjectives or noun phrases (semi-fictional, self-glorifying, porn-star, savoir-faire) in this paragraph, the intent and meaning seem clear: the author does not believe all written accounts of the Thai red light districts he encounters on the Internet. Given the author’s misrepresentation of the Phra Tri Murti shrine as “Buddhist” in the very title of his post as well as the body, why would one choose to believe his?

Others write self-deprecating but still half fictional stories full of mirth and humor that leave you breathless on the floor laughing.

Generally, this is a poorly constructed sentence, and the use of the word “mirth” is anachronistic. Were the Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng to find himself “breathless on the floor”, it would be far likelier that he were suffering a cardiac event precipitated by morbid obesity and poor health, or the strain of especially vigorous masturbatory activity.

And then there are the stream of consciousness, mis-spelled, no paragraph disasters written with a 9th grade vocabulary, featuring 6th grade grammar and sentence structure by barely high school educated, full of themselves, pint sized pizza delivery boys in The World who are legends only in their own minds, posts, comments or when they are strolling Beach Road, Soi 6, and Sukhumvit after 3AM with 500 THB in their pocket.

The word “misspell” does not require a hyphen. By the sixth grade in the United States public education system, a student would likely be able to recognize a run-on sentence. That a university professor fails to recognize the example he has produced here is an especially embarrassing grammatical error, considering that he is trying to point out the grammatical flaws of others. This paragraph would benefit from the insertion of punctuation and far fewer adjectives for clarity and comprehensibility. “And” he begins the entire paragraph with a conjunction.

I like to run down a different path.

Rather than making up some fictional, self glorifying drivel, I try to provide advice and information that properly handled lets you get banged better, cheaper, and more efficiently.

The first sentence here is a confusing metaphor at best. Does he mean to say, “run up a different path?” Or, “take a different approach?” Is he reaching for the phrase, “to take a different tack?”

Saphan Loy believes the declarative sentence, wherein he promises that his writing will allow the unschooled sex tourist to “get banged better, cheaper, and more efficiently”, should stand on its own as a testament to what is precisely wrong with the good economics professor of the California State University at Northridge.

(see How to Meet Normal Thai Girls by Billy Bangkok for an example of someone using the blog this way)

I hope you appreciate the difference.

Everybody would like to leave The Reservation and mix it up with the 99.9% of the Thai women/girls who aren’t doing P4P with farangs.

A few words of explanation for Saphan Loy’s general readership are in order here. Ng is referring to sex tourists who, having grown weary of circulating among the prostitutes on the “Reservation” (generally defined as Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy, and to a lesser extent Patpong 1 and 2 – collectively, the red light districts of Bangkok), “would like to leave” to form relationships with the majority of Thai women and girls who are not prostitutes (“P4P” is the acronym for “Pay for Play” – the act of remunerating women, ladyboys, bar boys, and bargirls in exchange for sex services).

Who hasn’t ridden the BTS, scoped the legion of TG Hotties who don’t know the difference between long time and short time, long balling and short balling, a first and fourth down, are a little fuzzy if you can drive between Washington D.C. and Los Angeles in an afternoon, and wonder what it would be like to have access to the prime chicks who lives their lives off The Reservation?

Notes: BTS is the Bangkok Mass Transit System’s Skytrain, a popular means of mass conveyance that is elevated above the city’s traffic and congestion. “TG” is short for “Thai Girl.” The slang use of the verb “to scope” is normally used with the accompanying word “out”, as in “scope out.” Grammatically, this sentence is difficult to parse because of the confusion of ideas and the colloquial use of terms denoting sexual intercourse and the sex trade in Bangkok. Here, the author is attempting to demonstrate that the girls and women he sees on the Skytrain excite his imagination with the desire to meet a non-prostitute in a setting other than a bar in the red-light district for the purposes of initiating sexual intercourse.

 You can sit on the outdoor patio of The Duke of Wellington when businesses close and like a grizzly bear during the annual salmon run admire the never ending stream of beautiful stunning stylish Silom office girls climbing onto the baht bus for their 1+ hour sweaty no aircon, packed like slaves making the middle passage bus ride to their 3000 THB/ month room with no toilet on the outskirts of Bangkok after grinding out 10 hours a day six days a week for barely enough money to pay rent, eat cheap street food, and the monthly treat of KFC and a movie and wish you had a way to scoop a couple of juicy ones out of the stream just like the grizzly paws out some prime salmon for his daily feast.

The Duke of Wellington Bar in Bangkok is located across from the Patpong red light district and in the United Center Building on 323 Silom Road. The Silom District, in addition to being home to Patpong, is the main business district in Bangkok. Ng here is referring to the “office girls” who work normative office jobs for low wages (relative to what Ng would be willing to pay a woman to copulate with him or perform oral sex on him) and what he construes as an impoverished lifestyle, however virtuous said lifestyle would be in accordance with the young woman’s Buddhist principles. This paragraph is an extraordinarily long example of a run-on sentence (see Ng’s commentary regarding sixth grade grammar and sentence structures above). It would benefit from far fewer adjectives as well as some punctuation. Furthermore, the mixed metaphor Ng attempts to make here is a predatory one: he imagines himself as a Grizzly bear fishing during a salmon run. In the same metaphor, he also equates hard-working young professionals in Bangkok with “slaves”, a loaded term for a culture with a long history of slave ownership and debt bondage. For more on modern sex slavery in Thailand, please see Dean Barrett’s website.

This post provides some help and practical advice about transforming the fantasy into reality.

A healthy rewarding approach to getting along in Thailand is to acknowledge Thailand is a foreign country and culture with its’ own unique rules and customs, expend some resources and mental energy exploring and trying to understand how and why the place works, and then bend and manipulate the local rules and customs to make Thailand cough up and surrender what it has to offer— easily, cheaply, and efficiently.

Extending the predatory metaphor further, here Ng suggests in an oppressive and colonial way that an understanding of Thai culture would go a far way in facilitating his prurient sexual objectives. By learning the “local rules and customs”, Professor Ng believes that he could then “bend and manipulate” them, just as he has done more recently to secure a retirement visa, so that Thailand “coughs up and surrenders” its young women for his sexual gratification. The most egregious grammatical error in this paragraph is the incredible misuse of the apostrophe in the word its. Generally, a sixth grade student would probably recognize this error as well.

The suffering of Christ.

 Thailand doesn’t work the same way as The World. That is what makes it so much fun and once you learn the ropes it can be really really really amazing how easy it is to get things that, in The World, are out of reach for most of us or where the cost/benefit analysis just makes it too damn much trouble.

Here is an example.

In Christianity it isn’t kosher to pray to Jesus for money, fame, or getting laid frequently and well by multiple young beautiful girls. That’s not the way Christianity works.

“The World” presumably refers to the western world (the United States, Canada, and Europe.) In Christianity, it is appropriate to pray to Jesus Christ for forgiveness of one’s sins, and the salvation of one’s soul (and the souls of all sinners) in the hereafter, and not for the material benefits of the here and now. The suffering of Christ is a major trope in Christianity, and its similarity to the Lord Buddha’s teachings on the subject does not end here.

 Buddhism, the dominant religion in Thailand and large swaths of Asia, is different. Not only is it perfectly OK, to pray to be rich, famous, and handsome, to live in a big house full of fawning servants, married to a young super hottie, with a couple of even younger hotter hotties stashed as mia nois in Silom and Ekkamai luxury condos, with a garage full of Bentleys, Ferraris, and a Maybach, and to be young, healthy, and handsome to boot but if you don’t ask Buddha your fellow Buddhists will consider you a bit eccentric.

Theravada Buddhism, the type found throughout Southeast Asia, is quite different from the Mahayana traditions of Northeast Asia. However, the type that is practiced in Thailand (Theravada) with its traditions of compulsory monkhood, does not condone the accrual of material wealth for its own sake. Rather, this form of Buddhism preaches moderation, the “middle way” that the Buddha advocated, between pure asceticism and self-indulgent pleasure seeking. Unlike Christianity, however, Buddhism does not necessarily require anyone to behave any certain way dogmatically, or follow any moral precepts whatsoever, since the individual soul has many chances to improve future life cycles. Clearly, however, Thai Buddhism does teach pure living, non-violence, generosity of spirit, moderation in deeds and thoughts, fearlessness, non-grasping, and, well, pretty much all of the positive characteristics that one sees embodied among the population in workaday Thailand. Acts performed in this life, such as self-indulgent pleasure seeking or criminal behavior, will be rewarded or punished in the next one in accordance with one’s karma (กรรม).

The Buddhist priesthood is set up to profit from such requests—acting as sort of a middleman between you and Buddha, and, of course, like all religions collecting a fee for the service. We’ve all read about amulet mania—where Thais bid up the price of certain amulets made of dried mud to diamond like levels. Where do you think all that money ends up?—in the hands of the monks who craft them. More commonly, when a Buddhist wants something they go to the appropriate temple or shrine, make an offering, i.e. give the monks some cash, submit their request, and wait for results.

The Buddhist priesthood is not “set up” to profit from its communities. As was demonstrated during the time of the Protestant Reformation in Europe, powerful religious structures with their own hierarchies are often subject to this specious claim, which is often based on a superstitious trepidation of authority figures, or a pronounced political agenda that seeks to shift religiously ordered power away from a central authority. In Thailand, the temple serves as an important moral center of the community, and the abbot and his monks and servants, out of an abundance of compassion, seek to assuage the concerns and anxieties of their congregants, not to run the temple like a corporate profit center. For an example of a highly profitable religious enterprise in the United States, see Mormonism as a case in point. The absurdity of Professor Ng’s claims here is really beyond the pale.

There is even market segmentation and specialization among the monks/temples. Some temples are general purpose wats where you can ask for anything, e.g. Erewon. Others are known to be extra powerful for certain classes of requests—sort of like visiting Lourdes and drinking the holy water if you are Christian and sick.

The professor here has misspelled another Hindu shrine in Bangkok, and not a Buddhist temple. It is called Erawan, and it represents Brahma, the all-powerful deity of Hinduism. The shrine was built in 1956 at the behest of astrologers in consultation with the Hyatt Corporation, and is located near the Grand Hyatt Erawan Hotel. (See remarks about the Phra Tri Murti shrine above.)

 So if you are a young suphaak and nareek Thai girl/women stuck in an out of the way office with no chance to advertise her wares, with a worthless no money, girl abusing, no appreciation Thai mini-boyfriend or no boyfriend or decent prospects at all, who sees all the beautiful clothing that she will never wear in her rented copies of foreign fashion mags, reads about the interesting and glamorous lives of rich Thai celebrities, walks through Siam Paragon wearing her cheap Pratunam knock offs and sees the racks of beautiful designer clothing and jewelry expertly and exquisitely crafted to make a girl look stunning and irresistible, who sits on the bus everyday getting raisined by the harsh tropical sun and realizes that in a few short years she will be on closeout sale under the harsh Thai rules of marriage and dating and pine for some action where do you go?

Because the Big Fat Baby Kenny does not understand a word of Thai, and he has no experience rendering the language in standard Romanisation, the Thai words he attempts to phonetically illustrate here are incomprehensible. In professor Ng’s analysis that follows, the majority of Thai women and girls (earlier established by him at 99.9% of the female population) who work an honest living in Bangkok should be rightfully seduced by the lure of money in exchange for sexual intercourse or oral sex with western men the likes of him. Again, the professor would profit from a remedial sixth-grade refresher course in English grammar rules. This run-on sentence reads like the incoherent ramblings of a schizophrenic.

(See Fresh Produce Shopping Part 2B-The World’s Greatest Starbucks and Some Advice About How to Meet and Bang Normal Thai Girls by BigBabyKenny for a discussion of suphaak and nareek and the Thai Girl Hierarchy of Desirability.)

Amazingly enough, the answer is Central World!

Yes–the big shopping mall on the corner of Rama 1 and Rachadamiri across the street from The Big C and SuperRich. The mall with the excellent collection of restaurants on the 6thand 7th floor, a Powerbuy, an Iberry, and two excellent cinemas.

After referring the reader to another advice column on how to extract sexual services from Thai girls and women, the Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng reveals the answer to the straw-man of a “problem” that he laboriously established with his misinformed expository paragraphs: a shopping mall.

On the northeast corner are two Buddhist shrines.

Here is a pic of the important one—the Pra Tree Muarati shrine (I am sure this is spelled wrong!).

Notice that the crowd of worshippers is almost exclusively younger Thai women.

Not to belabor the point, but these are not Buddhist shrines. Making an offering to a Hindu shrine is far different from ritual prayer at a Buddhist temple.

That is because the Muarati shrine is known as THE SHRINE to make an offering when you are seeking love or need help with affairs of the heart.

Fact is frequently weirder than fiction and nowhere more than in Amazing Thailand. Is it possible that in a desperately poor country, where the genes, diet, and environment produce a plethora of lean low fat super babes, where said super babes have no opportunities for economic advancement and a decent standard of living except marriage but prevailing social beliefs prevent even the babeiest babe from marrying above her class, where 20% of the native men spend their lives wearing a dress, high heels, mascara and saving their money to have their wieners cut off and the mutilated remains fashioned into a faux vagina, and the rest of the men are mainly a bunch of trike sized no money wife beaters who treat their dogs better than their women, that the shrine where said super hotties get down on their knees and pray the local gods for relief would be located smack in the heart of farangdom—-only 4 BTS stops from The Reservation?

According to Professor Ng’s figures, nearly seven million Thai men have surgically and cosmetically altered their appearances in an effort to enjoy the material rewards of prostitution.

In this extraordinarily long run-on sentence, Professor Ng presents his rationale for stalking women and girls at the shrine who wish to improve their romantic lives. Bizarrely, Ng also believes that 20% of the male population of Thailand, or roughly 6,912,223 out of 69,122,234 people (assuming the nearly constant rate of 1 male for every female throughout age groups – see United States Central Intelligence Agency demographic figures for Thailand) are “ladyboys”, or male to female transgendered persons!

To put this figure in greater perspective, the Thai military is comprised of only 664,560 active and reserve personnel. Furthermore, the largest city in northern Thailand, Chiang Mai, if extended to include its entire metropolitan area, has a population of only one million people.

Amazing Thailand!!!!!!!

I am pretty sure that most of you can figure out what to do from here but I will soldier on.

Right behind the main offering area shown in the pic, Buddha has thoughtfully provided a nice long comfortable marble bench. This bench is the good girl analog to seats right inside the door at G-Spot, the seats at Big Dogs where you can watch the parade of girls entering and exiting Nana Plaza, and the outdoor patios of Cowboy GoGo’s—the ones with the best view of the girl action.

Any time day or night, buy a cold Coke Zero or a six pack from one of the nearby vendors or the Big C, plop down on the bench and check out the hopeful local girls down on their knees desperately praying to Buddha for a better more fulfilling love/sex life.

Most of us have developed pretty good pole reading skills. In a GoGo, most of us can scope the girls, read their physical appearance, demeanor, grooming and dress (if she is wearing any) and make pretty good deductions about the girl-her background, her life, and what it would be like to bang her.

Generally, one exclamation point suffices to make a sentence more exclamatory, not seven. Most American students are taught the rules of punctuation by the third grade. Thailand is amazing, indeed, given the sheer number of transgendered men in the kingdom by Professor Ng’s unfounded estimates. Contrary to Ng’s assertion, the Buddha did not provide a long comfortable bench for petitioners to the Phra Trimurti shrine: the designers of Central World did. In the first paragraph, Ng compares sitting near the shrine and ogling the “good girls” to sitting inside a girlie bar called “G-Spot”, or the outdoor seating near Nana Plaza or on Soi Cowboy (two notorious red light districts in Bangkok).

Without much mental effort, I can take a quick look at gogo girls on the pole and construct an almost always 90% accurate personal history/profile of any girl—which ones are struggling, which are prospering, which have babies, which are on Yabaa, which prefer Japanese guys, how long they have been in the bar, whether they have a Thai boyfriend, how hard they will bargain, whether they are into long time or are looking for a quickie in the short time room, and, most importantly, what type of ride they are going to give you in the bedroom. I don’t think I am unique or have any special skill that most experienced farang don’t possess. GoGo Girl reading is a naturally acquired skill for most farang.

Here, Professor Ng boasts that he has spent so much time in Thailand’s go-go bars that he now possesses an uncanny ability to determine demographic, psychological and sociological data for every girl he sees with her legs wrapped around a pole. His detective work must be impressive indeed. He is able to tell which young women have given live births (likely detectable by stretch marks on their skin which a blind man can no doubt observe as well), which prostitutes are addicted to methamphetamines (yaa baa), etc. Perhaps he would do well to learn the Thai language in order to actually query his subjects, a task of the intellect that would be far too demanding of the professor’s less than formidable mental acuity.

You can exercise similar reading skills at the Murati shrine and select the girls which suit your personal preferences. Uni girls, office girls, college educated girls, fresh from the rice paddy girls, teenage girls, bruised up girls mired in abusive relationships—they all come to pray and make offerings at the Muarati shrine and they get off their knees firm in their faith and rock solid in their belief that a few baht, some cheap incense and roses will convince Buddha to twist fate their way and produce a decent boyfriend, a good husband, some sexual adventure, or relief from their loneliness and/or their current shitty Thai man.

In this paragraph, Ng shows that he is able to use his “girl-reading” skills to analyse potential targets of his dubious sexual contrivances. It is here that he advocates that one may exercise personal preferences that potentially include “teen-age girls.” There is no more damning evidence of Ng’s proclivities than what is spelled out here in a long, grammatically tortured paragraph.

Courtesy of BigBabyKenny.com.

When you see one that strikes your fancy, wait until they have finished praying, follow them a short distance and approach them.

(The other Fresh Produce posts discussed how to present yourself, and what to say when you meet Fresh Produce so I won’t belabor these points here. See the Ramkahaeng andStarbucks Soi Lang Suan posts.)

The simplest thing is to politely ask them if they know where there are any nice places to eat nearby. When they mention a few, act stupid about how to actually find them, and ask them if they would personally show you the way and, offer them some free eats as a token of your gratitude for her help.

The naysayers will say it’s creepy to be hanging around the Muariti Shrine hitting on the emotionally vulnerable girls desperately praying and paying Buddha for a better love life but I beg to differ. Buddha works in mysterious ways.

Although they don’t consciously realize it, the typical farang is exactly what these Thai girls are praying for—a decent guy with some money who takes care of those close to him, who doesn’t look down on them because their parents weren’t born into money and wealth, who doesn’t hold it against them that they don’t have a fancy education, who appreciates and values girls with loving hearts, who take pride in taking care of their man—men who are looking for a fun, loyal, good hearted girl who is also drop dead gorgeous and dynamite in bed.

You want it and they want it—the stars are wonderfully in alignment at the Muarati Shrine!

Again, the premise of targeting women and girls at the Phra Tri Murti shrine is founded on the misconception that it is Buddhist. (See “Buddha works in mysterious ways.”) In this equally damning paragraph, the Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng makes a feeble case for enticing women away from the shrine in order to feed them some food at a restaurant somewhere “nearby” and ply them with sexual advances, exploiting their natural aspirations and hopes, not for an overweight, aging professor with a laundry list of perverted sex needs and fetishes, but for a more secure future in which she might more sustainably participate in material and/or romantic rewards of a quickly globalizing world.

I am not a Buddhist but when you learn about the Muarati Shrine, where it is located, and what it is purportedly good for, it is hard not to believe that Buddha put the shrine close to The Reservation for a reason and I personally am happy giving Buddha helping hand.

And there is no reason you shouldn’t also.

BigBabyKenny

In short, Professor Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng is the answer to the prayers of Thai girls and women not only at this particular shrine, but throughout the Kingdom of Thailand. Because of his faith in the mysterious powers of Hindu shrines in allowing him to sexually victimize their supplicants, naturally he should probably consider becoming a “good Buddhist” whose intentions are anything but pure.

The View from Above

Big Baby Kenny Ng: New and Improved Website!

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , on May 17, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Saphan Loy is disheartened  to learn that the Big Fat Baby Kenny Ng has reappeared on the world wide web, much to the discredit of the university system of California, its tax payers and supporters, and the hardworking and earnest undergraduates who deserve far better in their matriculation. For those of you who haven’t seen the new and improved Big Baby Kenny site with shocking new features, click here to witness the dismal and depressing spectacle.

On another note, perhaps the reappearance of his tawdry site may lead to an overall improvement in its writing, or the continued showcase of his award-winning photographs of impoverished bar girls. We would also like to remind you that the Big Fat Baby is about to embark on his summer sojourn to the land of sex milk and honey. Should an eagle-eyed observer spot the buffoon staggering  from bar to bar in Nana, on Cowboy, or in Patpong, Saphan Loy and others are prepared to dispense not an insignificant amount of the coin of the realm for a candid photo shot of the celebrity blogger where he is most at home:  in a third-world brothel.

The View from Above

Pussy Write Letter: Poll Numbers and the Professors of Pimpology 101

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2011 by สะพานลอย

In hoping to solve the mystery of the legendary Patpong Pussy Shows once and for all, our non-scientific poll has revealed that the overwhelming majority of readers prefer ping-pong demonstrations as a vital part of their nightly pussy shows in Patpong. The poll results also show quite clearly that our readers are discriminating pussy show connoisseurs. While the great majority of readers polled enjoy the ping-pong ball aspect of the demonstrations, in second place was a preference for pyrotechnics and special effects, like the string of snapping firecrackers. It begs the simple question: Why? Never in all of the years that we have enjoyed the occasional game of table tennis have we equated the small plastic balls with anything that even vaguely resembles an erotic act. Indeed, table tennis itself seems to reek of absurdity and a whiff of misplaced Asian fanaticism and pent-up athletic frustration resulting from a lack of innate physical prowess.

Asians display a preternatural ability with table tennis.

There were two write-in responses, one of which was the simple and unqualified “No”, while the other stated that the reader “only enjoyed banana shows.”

After a perusal of the menu of options that we featured on the pussy show poll and that lists the wide-open vaginal possibilities for the pussy show-goer, I think that were Saphan Loy to enjoy a pussy show sometime soon, after, say, a light repast at the Oriental, we would most likely forego the ping-pong balls, the beer bottle demonstration, the firecrackers, the “pussy fishes in” option, and the “pussy blowing candle” trick, and would absolutely insist that the exhibited pussy performer “write [a] letter” with her vagina. Much the same way Dean Barrett can do using only the anal sphincter muscles of his asshole.

And not just any letter.

I would not be content to merely observe the model/actress/pussy showgirl scribble sloppily on some random piece of paper in an indecipherable scrawl using only her vaginal muscles and a simple pakka: I would want, pay for, indeed demand an actual formal letter, addressed to William Mahanakorn and the readers of Saphan Loy in Thai and in legible penmanship. Anything short of that would be grounds for a refund, a heated discussion with the pussy show creative director, and a scathing critique in this blog.

The pussy letter might begin thus:

Dear Saphan Loy Readers….

While you have enjoyed mocking Patpong pussy shows now for the better part of the last week, I would like to inform you that inserting objects into my vagina like live fishes for your amusement is neither fulfilling as a career option, nor is it sanitary or especially safe for the goldfish thus employed. Therefore, after tonight’s performance of “pussy fishes in”, I am hanging up my knickers and returning to Chiang Rai to work on my uncle’s rice farm, and to vend decanted Fanta in plastic bags. Thank you, Mr. Mahanakorn, for your years of kind patronage and your critical recommendations.

Regretfully,

Lek

Hot Ping Pong Action: Asian Style

In other news from the United States higher education system, “higher” becoming increasingly the operative word here, a professor from Farleigh Dickinson University in New Jersey has been arrested for running a prostitution ring when not droning on and on about physics in the classroom to bored and disaffected undergraduates. According to the latest breaking news, the investigation is widening, and professors at the University of New Mexico (including a former president and current Professor Emeritus of Political Science, F. Chris Garcia, at UNM) have been implicated and arrested. The website that Professor David Flory (of Farleigh Dickinson University) allegedly ran from his home and office in New Jersey is called Southwest Companions. It is a password-protected site that introduces men to over-priced call girls in New Mexico, who charged clients about $800 USD. As usual, the Huffington Post, who covered another infamous Thai prostitute advocate/college professor Kenny Ng from California State Univesity at Northridge, has published an article here that has the more salacious details.

In his defense, Professor Flory stated that the site was a “hobby” from which he derived no revenue. Saphan Loy has never ceased to be amazed by the bizarre fabrications, the feeble lies, and the utter disregard that professors tend to have for the public at large when they attempt to float their ridiculous and child-like justifications. It reveals two things: first, college professors, while “book-smart”, cannot figure out that by investing in a powerful attorney or public relations manager, they might be able to mount more successful defenses of their inexplicable actions, and two: they completely lack the skills to articulate cogent fictional narratives in their own defense. In other words, their lies are like those that a child might tell after being caught stepping on a toad, or trying to filch a cookie from the cookie jar.

What is happening in the US higher education system to inspire these less-than-stellar academics to write about and openly promote prostitution, whether domestic or, in Kenny Ng’s case, outsourced to the developing world? And who can forget the Northwestern University professor, John Michael Bailey, who authorised a live fuck-saw demonstration for his undergraduate psychology class? In short, what exactly has happened to universities, the once vaunted and respected ivory tower?

In our opinion, the higher educational system lost all semblance of credibility once it had been decoupled from the rigours associated with European systems of philology, philosophy and theology, and, of course, the requisite instruction of the classical languages like ancient Greek and Latin. But I suppose at this point this is merely the kind of complaint that would invite an instant and hostile accusation of academic elitism from those in higher education who would like to see their narrowly defined liberal agendas satisfied and amplified, so they can continue to exhibit fuck-saw demonstrations, write about queer and transgender “theories”, or discuss in any way shape or form such dubious French thinkers as Foucault and Lacan. After all, Dick and Jane, who grew up in the suburbs or the agrarian midwest, would fall behind miserably were they forced to learn Latin, study classical philosophy, or be otherwise forced to generate, heaven forbid, an original and actual thought shaped by concerted effort, rigorous research and logically sound argumentation.

But what is most astonishing about the latest example of “professors gone bad” is that it clearly reflects a growing trend in academia that illustrates that professors, once considered ethical and moral exempla of their societies, have abandoned such notions of responsibility, moral or otherwise, toward their students and have disrespected their own academic communities in the process. And in the broader terms of power structures, empowerment, and a socially engaged, holistic approach to the academy, these bizarre sexual “hobbies” that include prostitution, sex tourism, exploitation, sex-toy demonstrations and the like, constitute a complete misunderstanding or ignorance of power and education, and how they are intimately related. Or what’s worse, they reflect a degraded display of casual antipathy, cynicism and intellectual poverty. We won’t belabour the point here, but leave it at this. Whether the US higher educational system is bloated with miscreants, sex tourists and perverts with PhDs, or whether the intrusion of the State into academic administration has facilitated an environment whereby presidents, provosts, and Boards of Regents and the like are terrified of making what is obviously a moral stand, these dilemmas present here as difficult to answer questions.

Saphan Loy’s suggestion: write a letter.

Rice Harvest, Northeast Thailand

Which reminds us. Recently, Stickman Bangkok featured a young woman from the provinces named Jeap, whose new service in Bangkok promotes the mixing and mingling of Thai girls from the impoverished countryside with lonely and elderly farang from the West who are unable to meet women without her assistance. It was a glowing review of Jeab and her services. But keep in mind, it is not a sex service, and Jeab made it clear that she personally pre-screens all applicants lest they violate Thai cultural norms or display obvious evidence of mental illness.

Sadly, Saphan Loy received an email from Jimmy Smithers the other day, who was so charmed by Jeab and her service, Thai Eternity, that he promptly wrote an email to her. Alas, he never received a response. Out of my sympathies for Jimmy Smithers, I reprint it here should Jeab and Thai Eternity reconsider his mostly pathetic case and simple plea for help:

Hi Jeab,

Congratulations on your article on Stickman Bangkok. You are so lucky to have so much attention for your site Thailand Eternity. A few questions. I am anxious to meet Thai Ladyboys, and I would like to marry one in the United States where it is legal. I know you can help me with my dream. This dream is that one day I will be able to meet a nice Thai Ladyboy, go to her family in a village in the countryside, pay them to buy a new farm and bull for their corn fields, and hopefully bring her to the United States where she can help me with my cleaning, laundry, reminding me to take my medicines, go to ice skating rinks with me, and of course, be my special wife so my whole family can be happy too.

I hope you can help me.

A few things about me, though. I have some disabilities, and some medical problems. But nothing crazy. And I stopped doing drugs a long time ago. So, I think that will be helpful. I have a good heart, and just need a lifetime companion, a really good wife. I am not the best looking man in the universe, but I take a bath twice a week. But I am kind, helpful, and like gardening (but not in a faggy way), I own three cats, and I love learning new languages and cultures. I have studied Taiwanese also, mostly on Yahoo chat, and really love everything about Oriental culture, like suishi and old kung fu movies.

I hope you can help me.

Jimmy Smithers

The View from Above

The Big Baby Kenny Unhinged: The Economics of Mental Illness

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , on March 18, 2011 by สะพานลอย

Not since Emil Jannings appeared as Immanuel Rath, a professor completely corrupted and humiliated in the “The Blue Angel” (1930) has a man been reduced to such disgraceful levels of indignity. Big Baby Kenny Ng, once an enthusiastic scribbler of his night-time adventures in the far-flung bordellos of the world with Asian women less fortunate than himself, and boring reviews of Thai restaurants in the United States, has been reduced to an only marginally sane loose cannon, converting his Thai nightlife blog into something that mirrors his deranged fantasies and has become a bully pulpit that reveals instead the depths of depravity that the red light districts of Southeast Asia helped to create.

from The Blue Angel (1930)

Foregoing the actual writing of content, the economics professor has instead written long indecipherable screeds against Stickmanbangkok (who represents the pinnacle —  or nadir, if you will — of success in the whole sordid niche market of brothel writing), self-authored commentary that reveals the identities of his enemies (whether real or imagined), all the while denigrating homosexuals, prostitutes, and women generally in the multiple voices of a fictional cast of characters. Reading the literally dozens of self-authored commentary is like reading the transcript of someone who suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, sexual obsession, and terrifying delusions. Ignorant of new federal laws that protect against digital harrassment and impersonation, Ng focuses his enmity on other writers and bloggers by disclosing personal details, Facebook account information and actual photographs of his putative enemies. Topics include the 9-11 conspiracy, anal sex, sexual relations with university students, and anti-Semitic colloquialisms.

What is clear from this mess is that the California State University system allows such great latitude for its professors. Freedom of expression is certainly protected within the US Constitution. But the kind of degeneracy posted on BigBabyKenny.com is without any veneer of narrative or academic structure, cohesion, and comprehensibility. It is accompanied by exploitative photographs of women who have not signed model releases in the United States, and whose images reveal instead reluctant victims, dancing for the depraved desires of a lonely sex tourist starved for affection.