Archive for Thailand

The Year of the Sheep: Sayonara, Bangkok.

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on January 17, 2015 by สะพานลอย

First, we need to report the following chaos that occurred recently over at SL headquarters, which is in complete disarray. We were ‘raided’ by a group of interested Thai authorities who made off with some rice liquor bottles (mostly full), two laptops, my antiquated VCR and our VHS collection of erotic films from all over Asia, including some really raunchy ones from Japan that show female newscasters getting more than they bargained for as they try to read important news summaries. Papers were strewn, tables upset. It was clear that they were looking for something. What wasn’t clear was who sent them. And why?

The aftermath of the raid on SL HQ.

The aftermath of the raid on SL HQ.

Lek has fled to the rice fields. Her relatives (if any of you morons have been reading closely) in the Thai police force are encountering difficulties of their own with the military government. She fled with great haste to her village just before SL HQ was raided. With great sadness, I put many 1k baht notes into Tuy’s purse, and told her not to spend it all in one place. She got on a bus and headed Northeast.

It has happened much quicker than any of us could have suspected. The scene is gone, and Thailand is heading toward a major disruption in every way. It is best that SL et al. exeunt stage left.

It is sad at this point in our fabled career to seek out safer havens. Where we will go I leave it for the fates, in their infinite wisdom, to decide. It may well be that SL headquarters will be reconstructed in a neighbouring country, where the beer is ice cold, the food hot as hell, and the women blessed with loose morals.

It will take courage. We will need bottles of whiskey, a bank account stuffed with the good fortune a lifetime of wise investments has provided, a local language phrase book, and the unparalleled personality of  yours truly. The Empire of the Sun is looking more and more appealing.

Nowhere is the news more exciting than in Japan.

Nowhere is the news more exciting than in Japan.

Updates may come as the proverbial shit hits the fan. All editorial inquiries may be left in the comments section below. If you seem legitimate, SL will respond.

Goodbye, for now.

The View from Above

 

 

Sex Tourist Visas, Alcohol, Stickman: All on the Chopping Block

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2014 by สะพานลอย

If you have been following at all the deranged chatter of the Thai sex tourism blogs and sites, then you all well know that your multiple Sex Tourist Visas that fill the pages of your passports like a private stamp collection of shame and degradation will earn you something nobody had ever expected: a Thai Military exit visa.

True, these multiple sex tourist visas were meant to circumvent the laxly enforced border policies that Thailand had maintained in more promising times. However, if you have entered and reentered on these visas in the past, you were nonetheless violating the spirit of Thailand’s immigration policy and should have endeavoured to secure proper paperwork to begin with.

Sex Tourist Visas have been discontinued in the Land of Smile.

What it all boils down to, then, is economics and planning. Those who are too poor to establish themselves professionally in Thailand or who do not have the resources to prove that they are “retired” will have to vacate their bar stools in whatever blowjob bar they now call home, and find a more welcoming environment than a Thai immigration deportation cell. If the floundering sex industry of Thailand needed further help in its already sad decline, this is the nail in the coffin.

The only real solution at this point would be Thailand’s return to “democratic” representation, whatever the hell that means to anyone. However, we here at Saphan Loy headquarters believe the military occupation will last for some time.

As for the tolerance that Thais have historically shown for those living in the shadows of the Go Go circuit, the wind now blows in the opposite direction. The internet, too, has rendered what was once highly visible (albeit seedy and disgraceful), discreet and private. Yes, even in the Land of Vertical Smiles. It was a confidence game from the beginning, a dismal side note in the history of globalisation. But who didn’t love the experience while it lasted? The world is rapidly changing, and the satisfaction of crude, cheap “neo-colonial” fantasies a quickly fading thing of the past.

Now the expats of Thailand are ratcheting up tension on various fora and antiquated bulletin board services about the serious curtailment of alcoholic beverage service throughout the Kingdom. If this turns out to be the beginning of a prohibition of sorts, you may do one of two things in our book.

Pole us out of here.

One, you can enjoy the respite from alcohol that sobriety will permit you. Take a long hard look around you and see how you feel about Thailand then. Move to a small village, counsel the headman about the marriage of his stunning daughter, cultivate jackfruit, and take long boating excursions on the Mekong River. Admittedly, Lek and Tuy are giving me a look just now that suggests that they would not be happy leaving our fair city. And judging by their advanced-stage alcoholism, they are unlikely to consent to a life without alcohol.

But as the man of the house, I reminded them that during this sober interlude for all of us, they will have ample time in their new responsibilities to reflect in gratitude for all that I have given them, as the two of them, simple in appearance, graceful, strong, brown and lean beneath their straw hats, shall harmoniously pole my craft wherever the hell I tell them to.

Where to handsome man?

Or two, you can learn via your local library how to build and operate your own rice whiskey still on your soon-to-be re-nationalised property. Sure, you may get a visit from the Thai military to candidly discuss the wisdom of running a distillery, but if you have plenty of drinks on hand I would wager it would make you an honorary Thai soldier in no time.

The New Happy Hour

Finally, and perhaps most embarrassingly, the Stick has publicized an account of his complete incompetence as a business man in his latest column. Although I am not sure who is more foolish: the person who offered $150K for the site, or Stick for the offer’s refusal. Stickman’s greed, coupled with his gross overestimation of the potential of the site, have ensured that the site will likely remain unsold for years to come while the Stick hopes against hope that Thailand will revert to the land of no money, no honey.

In that time, the value of the site (now provisionally set at the outrageous $150K mark) will decline precipitously as the military occupation drags on indefinitely and harsher social conditions are imposed by the junta. Furthermore, the site requires a tremendous amount of overhaul (which Stick blithely ignored for the past 10 years) that should further reduce its attractiveness as the labour required to update the site would be onerous and mostly pointless. For the record, nobody clicks on advertisements anymore.

Last call.

Last call.

The Stick doesn’t have a lot of leverage in any case. Thailand is under military occupation, the nightlife is suffering substantially, the sex tourist visa issue has added uncertainty and risk, a policy of social prohibitions seems to be underway, and the internet now allows for the pursuit and location of one’s third-world pleasures with a greater ease and precision than a clunky HTML guide to bars could ever hope to achieve.

That and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee.

The View from Above

Saphan Loy’s Account of the Thai Military Occupation

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 8, 2014 by สะพานลอย

Well, first some sour news for those of you wondering where we have been. Longtime readers will recall our former friend, Jimmy Smithers, who has had his fair share of problems, medical, psychological, and moral. For the longest time, he had lost touch with us, following his own downward spiral living alone in the United States, alcoholic, sexless. About eight months ago, he managed somehow (with the assistance of a minor windfall that allowed him to purchase an airline ticket) to travel back to Thailand. Occasionally, he would drunkenly call the Saphan Loy hotline, insult Lek with some choice vulgarities he had been cultivating in his imbecilic brain, and not be heard from again for weeks, sometimes months.

Let’s skip ahead to this coup d’état, which has made Thailand about as attractive of a tourist destination as North Korea in midwinter. Recently, Lek and I received a strange and garbled telephone call from the Thai-Cambodian border crossing at Poipet. And yes, it involves Jimmy Smithers, that fat fuck. The Thai military had detained him after an incident at some derelict bar on the Thai side. According to the authorities, he had been drinking for four straight days and was under the influence of a powerful barbiturate that Cambodians reserve for controlling its genetically inferior livestock.

Poipet border crossing

Poipet border crossing

What happened at the bar is unclear, and we can only surmise at this point. However, we had our lawyer (one of Lek’s family “friends”) contact the military commander in charge of Sa Kaeo province to see if this could be sorted out amicably for poor old Smithers.

Now, let me warn readers in all due seriousness. Saphan Loy is not going to sugarcoat the whole military situation the way StickmanBangkok so blithely has.

The coup d’état is real. And they mean business.

The military commanders reported that sometime around 3:00 AM on the previous Tuesday morning, Smithers launched into a political tirade, incomprehensible to most, made several rude gestures with parts of his anatomy, attempted to hoist his fat arse onto the bar itself which then precipitated a rapid structural degradation of the bar-top collapsing it like dry bamboo under his weight, which, in turn, compromised the walls of the flimsy structure that had been built to accommodate the fly-by-night watering hole. He had said some pretty offensive things, the poor old bugger. Were I there to counsel him, I would have pounced on his grotesque body and forcefully clamped his mouth shut.

The military immediately detained him and we haven’t heard from him since.

Now, all things considered, life for farang is pretty much normal in this period of dark political uncertainty, particularly in Bangkok. We can still come and go as we please as long as we observe a curfew and do not stir up the shit-pot. And yes, the bars are still open, though largely empty and depressing. However, I know I am speaking for a large contingent of resident expats (including the Bay Area Boyfriends) when I say that it could be worse.

We should all thank our lucky stars that we have not been rounded up at gunpoint and sent by railway out into the countryside to begin a “reeducated” life of collective rice farming on sprawling communes owned and operated by InTouch Holdings PLC (formerly Shin Corp) of which the largest shareholder is Singapore’s Temasak Holdings through a subsidiary called Aspen Holdings Ltd at 41.62% of the company. I ain’t gonna work on Yingluck’s farm no more!

Curfews and fear have put a major damper on my wandering of the red light districts of Bangkok. So what’s a serious hedonist to do in the city during difficult political times? Well, for one, stock up. And I don’t mean on Sri Racha sauce and pla duk. I mean on bar girls.

What started as a nuisance has become something much worse. And Lek is none too pleased. Here’s the thing. When you have one mia luang, and you want to bring mia noi into the flat, you will encounter, how do I say it with sensitivity, challenges.

My impulse was almost charitable. Lek has known about Tuy for the better part of the year and has been very tolerant of our harmless crush. Tuy hails from the metropolis of Lopburi, and she is a tad darker (maybe two tones) than Lek, and younger with beautiful long black hair, a stunning smile, and piercing eyes. I suggested to her that, because of the well-known wild monkeys in her home town, perhaps she is part sex monkey herself.

Lek's new "friend", Tuy

Lek’s new “friend”, Tuy

At any rate, Tuy was caught out by the coup. She did not have the cash-flow to go all the way back to Lopburi, and she certainly didn’t want to stay in a crowded little place with several other catty farm girls who menstruate at the same time, so I invited her to stay with us until this all blows over.

Lek, as you may suspect, was furious. But since I am the man of the house, I insisted. I warned Lek that at a time of military occupation of the country, she should listen to my commands if she knows what would be best for her long-term peace and stability. In parallel to the new military order, I have become emboldened to act like General MacArthur in my own home, in complete command of two Thai bar girls. Yes, it is a challenge. But like MacArthur, my resolve is like newly forged steel.

So there it is folks. As I write this, Tuy is watching something mindless on the television (more of the same, Thai military processions and poorly-composed patriotic anthems) while picking her nose. Lek is in our bedroom taking a nap. And to be perfectly honest, I am enjoying every minute of this military “interlude”. It’s about time we had some structure and order around here.

The View from Above

“Bay Area Boys” and the Life of Gay Frivolity of the Chinese Expats

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , on October 27, 2013 by สะพานลอย

As promised, and after careful research about the American West Coast “boys” who are all Asian and have decided to grace Thailand with their munificent presence, here goes. Although to be fair, Lek is pulling on my pant leg insisting that I don’t go through with it.

After questioning multiple sources and discovering the true modus operandi of a small group of Asian Americans of Chinese origins who have menaced Caucasian bar owners and others in Bangkok, it reveals yet another bizarre chapter in the ways in which expatriates in Thailand, surrounded by the plenitudes that Thailand has to offer, insist on going after each other like catty schoolgirls. Perhaps this is the direct result of the effects that the promiscuous expense of semen has on the brain? It also reveals the lengths to which a small cadre of Chinese miscreants will go to pursue those who simply want to enjoy the pleasures of the Orient and who prefer to keep to themselves.

That said, the cast of characters is as stated above, Chinese. Now, Saphan Loy has written extensively about the role the Chinese play in Thailand, and have historically played in the vice rackets. But this small cadre of characters, described in detail by Jerry Bingsell Ching (the former Bangkok Buddy), used to “hang” together, play together, “ogle” together, and stiff bar owners together by pigging out on “all you can eat buffets.”  We know that this was a pattern that was well-established, and that Jerry described in great and yawn-inducing detail.

Steven Frank?

One momentous day, one of Jerry’s bisexual friends, Chris Madeira, made a pass at him by rubbing his thigh at the Thermae. Jerry used his little blog to accuse Chris of all sorts of things, including stalking him, being addicted to ya baa, and being mentally unstable. That, in turn, brought out another one of the members of the cadre, “John Brown” who Big Baby Kenny outed as Steve Frank of Hawaii and Phuket. Frank’s modus operandi was to deluge various blogs with invective hurled at Kenny’s arch nemesis, the Big Mango. Then, a funny thing happened. Big Baby Kenny actually outed Frank within the comments section of his now defunct blog.

While Saphan Loy usually does not care a whit about things of this nature and is unlikely to report out on this issue any further, the following threat from one of the Chinese San Francisco triad prompted me to get more “hands on” in this unpleasantness. The sad part of all of this is that it once again shows how foreigners in Thailand are like groups of bitter old women who try to take each other down over the most meaningless of issues. Here is the comment in question:

Before you trash talk and take pot shots like a “Dastard Sniper” its wise to know your victims and be better informed about their sexuality etc. The Bay Area Boys are anything but homosexual – perhaps Lek serviced most of them before getting on your limp dick. You seem to constantly mention the Homophobia that circumvents Thermae Bar – have you not come out of the closet yet? Thermae Bar is a coffee-shop – Bar that attracts a large Japanese following where freelance Thai girls work without obligation to the establishment. The Bay Area boys have the means to bring you into the legal arena and sue the arse of you or close down your trashy blog. You wouldn’t want to run into the young Madeira boy anytime soon either.

In this comment, which discloses both a legal threat and a threat of violence, Dr. Phil seems fixated on accusations of homosexuality, the nature of the clientele at the Thermae, and whether or not I have a “limp dick.” I am of the impression that only a homosexual would be likely to make inquiries as to the nature of my genitals, and, well, Lek agrees with this, given her familiarity with the Asian kathoeys that are found throughout the kingdom. Bless her heart.

Addressing his legal concerns, I would invite him to first direct all further legal inquiries to the “Bay Area House Boy” who exposed Chris Madeira in the first place: Jerry “Bangkok Buddy” Ching. I would also direct him to the other source of the leaked identity of one of the San Francisco blue boys, Steve Frank: BigBabyKenny.com.

Speaking of the Big Blathering Baby, I recently dug up a putative photograph of his relatives. I share it here because it shows a very nice, if gravely disappointed Chinese couple.

Proud parents.

Proud parents.

To Dr. Phil, and the rest of the San Francisco triad, you can put that in your opium pipes and smoke it!

The View from Above

Bangkok Buddy Returns….Sort of.

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 6, 2013 by สะพานลอย

Bangkok Buddy, who disappeared from the Thailand brothel blogging world after accusing his yaa baa-addicted friend Chris Madeira of rubbing his groin at Bangkok’s notorious Thermae after-hours freelancer club, has returned!

Well, sort of.

While his new incarnation is called a “Photo a Day from somewhere in Bangkok”, he has used this space to post old photographs of very young Asian women and, in a bizarre turn, little children. Meanwhile, his thoughts, feelings, and daily musings remain private for a select handful of likely dwindling friends.

Alas, Saphan Loy is not one to judge, and Lek believes that the pictures, especially of the women who are at least child-bearing age, are possibly meant to persuade his former readers that he may have been (back in the 1980s and 1990s) a devout heterosexual. Whatever the case, it’s clear that Bangkok Buddy is reevaluating his life by way of these oddly selected photos of young Asian women and children, and that the whole lover’s quarrel with Madeira really has upset his emotional equilibrium. We wish him a speedy return to sanity!

The View from Above

2012 Stumbles to an Ignominius End

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2012 by สะพานลอย

….and 2013 looks no better for the motley group of fools who continue with their dubious output of words and poorly framed photographs depicting the brothel districts of Thailand, from the disgraced professors and teachers (Big Baby Kenny Ng and Stickman), to the humdrum typists of pulp e-books which nobody purchases (Stephen Blather et. al.), to the marginally retarded (Bangkok Buddy and Kent Hammond). Normally, Saphan Loy would conduct a “blow-by-blow” analysis of the year in review, but sadly, it seems that the whole year was a washout for the barflies of Bangkok.

The holiday season in Thailand’s red light districts is a grim reminder that there are many lost souls from around the world who continue to gravitate to these places, washed up has-beens, lovelorn, hopeless, and thirsty, compelled by the biological imperatives of their unmanageable vices, motivated by the squalid reward of a short-time hotel room, a cheap sex enhancement drug, and a Thai rice farmer’s daughter or two. Or a Thai rice farmer’s son in drag who happens to possess an artificially added set of double DDs and a chemically induced uncircumcised hard-on, or a surgically altered vaginal skin-fold.

It is a time when our favourite bar girls, mamasans, and bartenders are trotted out in the cheapest of Christmas-themed lingerie and paraded around sticky barroom floors in darkened corners of cheap, third-world gin mills, enticed by a few hundred baht and the false promise of an improvement in their stations in life.

It is the time of year to drown regrets in rice whiskey, or the local non-potable lager, and to stifle the merest threat of an emerging sense of conscience, any images of domesticity that we left behind elsewhere in the developed world where we once may have had friends and family, or even the thought, “What the hell am I doing here?”

It is also the time of the year when we can imagine, although remotely and through the artifice of fiction, a character much like George Bailey, driven to despair by financial catastrophe in the timeless American classic It’s a Wonderful Life, who attempts suicide only to be shown a life without his presence in the world, followed by a dramatic, heart-warming redemption.

We can picture, for example, Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng, clinically depressed by the mistakes of his life, his failures as an economist/school teacher, his morbid obesity, his disgraceful and very public fall from grace, and his grotesque appetite for young Thai bargirls, contemplating suicide on a barstool somewhere in Saphan Khwai (yes, he has sunk this low), while drunkenly crying in his cups and muttering dark curses at his imagined enemies and the success of others. Yes, we can see him, his ego stung by the utterance of a snaggle-toothed ladyboy who has just called him a khii mao, in this Saphan Khwai hellhole, his life story spooling away from him like the sad and sordid conclusion to an old 16 mm stag film he vaguely remembers from his misspent youth witnessing the fabled Tijuana donkey show flickering on a yellowing wall in his dorm room.

And we can hope, as we watch him in this Saphan Khwai watering hole, trying to find an outlet for his laptop and arguing with the mamasan in a language he does not understand, that Ng will come to meet an angel who will put his arm around his shoulder and say, “But you have had a wonderful life, Professor Ng.” And when this dreary holiday fable comes to its conclusion in the darkened karaoke parlor, and those grim concluding words appear, “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends”, we will all sigh deeply, because, well, we know how Ng has mistreated his friends and alienated his colleagues irreparably.

My lovely assistant Lek is in tears, daubing at her almond eyes with a Kleenex, the poor thing. Ok, enough of your blubbering. Get me a drink. And put on that skimpy Father Christmas costume I purchased for you.

Similarly, we can wish at this time of year that the celebrated scribe of the red light districts, the Stickman, is visited by a Dickensian scene, the bar girl of Christmas past, who appears to him in his Bangkok high-rise bound in the chains of oppression that he has caused by stimulating a prurient interest in all things related to sex commerce. Awakened at midnight by the apparition, the Stick cowers under his mosquito net, while the bar girl of Christmas past says, “You handsome man no good man. You bad man.

Stickman is awakened at midnight by the bar girl of Christmas past.

The Stick mistakenly believes he is dreaming, and responds, “Is that Bernard Trink?”, then swallows another tranquilizer. His slumber thus returned, he is awakened soon thereafter by the bargirl of Christmas present, who shows him the horrid reality of plane-loads of elderly westerners arriving in Bangkok, all streaming into the big yellow vagina of Nana Plaza, depositing their baht along with their diseased chromosomal material, and leaving empty beer bottles and broken lives of the impoverished girls who remain behind staring hopefully at the dim glow emanating from their cellphones.

And finally, what of the bar girl of Christmas future? What tidings does she bring? Or he? And whither the red light districts in Thailand in 2013? Only the new year will tell. Lek has visited the witch doctor and received bad tidings. But I am optimistic. And rest assured gentle reader. In an ever more hostile cyber world, Saphan Loy will continue to be a “troll-free zone” and will remain a place where intelligent, adult discussion of all things Thai brothel districts is welcome, where sexpats and sex tourists can tune in for the latest deep analysis of the red light blogosphere and the bizarre bedfellows who populate it.

Therefore, may you and your bar girls or ladyboys (or donkeys) enjoy the best of the holiday season, and with hope look forward to another year of unabashed whoring and drinking and drugging all the while avoiding liver failure or cardiac arrest. And may all of your wishes at the Hindu shrines of Bangkok bring you the loves of your life, prosperity, and just enough success to continue your binges without guilt, shame, or remorse of any kind.

Happy New Year!

Yours truly, and my lovely assistant Lek.

The View from Above

Doom and Gloom and the Sex Trade in Thailand

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2012 by สะพานลอย

With all of the doom and gloom over on Stickman about the current state of the brothel scene in Bangkok, the red-light blogosphere has been dying a painfully slow death as of late. It is natural that sites like his, or Big Fat Baby Kenny’s, will go the way of transistor radios and Spanish Fly love potions. There are two important lessons that the teachers behind both of the aforementioned sites clearly missed: in Stick’s case, he should have cashed out at the top of the market for his services, and in Professor Ham-fist’s case, he should have parlayed his sudden US-media notoriety into his own talk show. Or at the very least started his own pornographic website.

Big Baby Kenny Ng’s ladyboy adventures are now but yesteryear’s wet-dream….

In looking around the blogosophere this week, it has become painfully clear that much of the energy has dissipated both in the well-established sites and in those blogs that soldier on despite an increasingly apparent public apathy toward Asian prostitutes in general. It is as though the brothel districts of Thailand and Southeast Asia are becoming ghost towns, the last refuge of those nostalgic for their heyday circa 1968, supplanted by new forms of economic growth and opportunity. The Internet, mobile devices, i-this and i-that, these are all making the bar areas useful only to the alcoholic, the elderly, the sex-addicted and relief-seeking men whose ageing bodies are deformed by years of abuse but that still respond (miracle of miracles) to aphrodisiacs manufactured in Bombay and all points West.

Lek and I therefore decided to pay a visit to an old site that we occasionally consulted when my testicles required a liberal slathering of baby oil: Sukhumvit Psycho. But when the page loaded, we were told that this site has undergone a radical name-change. The Sukhumvit Psycho is no more, replaced instead by, brace for it, Sukhumvit Entertainment!

I know what you are thinking. It has all of the excitement and originality of the name of a cable television channel. There are so many things silly about this change in nomenclature that it is difficult to know where to begin. But rest assured, for those of you who relied heavily on the testicle massage guide that Sukhumvit Psycho was best known for, the information is still there, but only if you have the time and inclination to click through a dizzying array of links that will point you in all sorts of directions on the site. By the time you find the information you are looking for, you could have picked up the phone in your hotel room and said in simple English, “I’d like a massage. Room 157” to have arrive, moments later, a sheepish Thai woman with a bottle of baby oil.

The site itself looks the same, and still features multiple grammatical errors (given the language challenges of its writer or writers), with most of the potentially useful information effectively gated behind one of those tired “forums” that are also becoming like the dusty relics of Web 1.0 and the mainstay of elderly men who like to create purposefully deranged avatars and rack up trivial submission counts. For many years we have seen these forums dedicated to Thailand prostitution and have avoided them like a venereal disease.

Nonetheless, Lek and I decided to have a gander at the available information on the Psycho’s website, er, sorry, on Sukhumvit Entertainment. It is interesting to observe that the “Premium Membership” option no longer exists. When do we get our refund?! And many of the public pages now resemble the old link farms that sat on the web in the late 1990s like useless handbills. To add insult to injury, the links for Asian Dominas (to satisfy Lek’s curiosity, the naughty tavern wench!) do not even work. Those websites were likely silenced by the long arm of the local Gendarmerie. And while we are on the topic, Saphan Loy is saddened to report that not one of our many international readers even bothered to send us a copy of the Testicle Massage Guide. It is still available for only $14.99. And the holidays are right around the corner. And yes, this is a hint. I suspect that for Christmas this year, Lek is (once again) planning on gifting me a pile of her well-thumbed “ka-toon” books.

And so the search continues. Saphan Loy is like Diogenes of Sinope holding up our lamp in the red-light districts of Asia, looking for an honest man. However, we leave you with this image, courtesy of BigBabyKenny.com, which reveals the location of a sordid nightclub somewhere in the dark jungles of Northeastern Thailand. Because, much like this very helpful conveyor of important geographical information (the GPS), we will continue to illumine the digital darkness with a single, and most perfect ray of light.

The View from Above

Big Baby Kenny (Gangnam) Style and Some Thoughts on Stuckman

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Before we begin this latest installment, a word of sincere thanks to William R. Morledge, Jr., whose recent mention of Saphan Loy over at Bangkok Eyesore has really generated an impressive spike in traffic figures here at The View from Above. Also, while Lek and I are no experts on Lenny Bruce, the comparison Morledge makes is a flattering one. Lenny Bruce is a name I vaguely recall my grandfather mentioning in between sips of red wine. At 9 o’clock in the morning. While driving me to elementary school.

That William Morledge “gets it” is a testament to someone in the red light blogosphere who at a minimum has a sense of humour about the whole thing, or who at least doesn’t take writing about red light districts in third world countries to absurd heights of self-importance, like the self-styled authors of the red light pulp books do, or other “webmasters” who consider their work “important” beyond the very narrow confines of converted Chinese shop-houses-cum-brothels in our favourite decadent Southeast Asian city that we call home, or even the absurd paint-making of Chris Coles who turns the red light districts of Thailand into a seedy laboratory for his masturbatory experiments in appallingly offensive applied finger-painting.

That said, and moving on. If anyone has ventured a visit to the now moribund Big Baby Kenny Ng site, one will witness there the final gasps (yes, we have been saying it has been on its last legs for some time now) of a perverted and reclusive non-productive member of the academic community at the California State University at Northridge. Lek was reminded of Big Baby Kenny Ng recently when she stumbled upon this crazy Korean “Gangnam” tune that has attracted more than 438 million pairs of eyeballs on Youtube.

When we had the misfortune of looking at the unspeakably offensive video, we were amazed by the bizarre resemblance to Big Baby Kenneth Ng. Could it be?

Why Stickman No Longer Matters

When Stickman began his project to digitally chronicle the red light districts of Bangkok in the late 1990s, his site was an instant hit. He recognized a market need and filled it. This is the hallmark of a good entrepreneur. It provided a central place where once could obtain information about everyone’s favourite red light districts in Asia, and it molly-coddled elderly pensioners wishing to blow a wad on beer and hookers. He more or less picked up where the ailing and ageing Bernard Trink left off at the Bangkok Post, the old “mosey on down for a shandy” that appeared every Friday and of which Saphan Loy was a loyal reader.

The Stick’s site was, and is, garish and colourful. He tinted his writing with a gosh-golly-gee tone that served him well initially, but which now seems quaint, prudish, and paradoxical. He was able to attract the eyeballs of older sexpats everywhere, while not putting them off with confusing jargon or pointless technicalities. His site was (and is) a kind of “Thai Prostitution for Dummies”. He was “inclusive” to a a very limited extent by allowing his“readers” to submit pointless stories, the better of which he awarded special “green stars” (much like a school-marm would dole out) which in turn became a distinction that a cast of certain characters relished. In a real sense, Stickman’s reader submissions were a precursor to the ways that the internet would change over the years with more or less instant commentary, threads, and robust discussion forums. And this is precisely the direction that the red light sites ventured. Except Stick’s.

We have written in the past that Stick is stuck in the late 1990s, and these days, while digital information is moving at speeds well above what the Stickman may be most comfortable with, it is clear that the Stick’s stuck site may not be as useful as it once was, or as lucrative.

For starters, it is not optimized for mobile platforms (just like others hosted by geriatric webmasters which his site is coming to resemble). Secondly, who bothers to read the “Green Star” submissions, when similar stories are on offer in blogs like the Big Mango Bar Blog, where the commentary is often more elucidating than the submission itself? And finally, with the proliferation of sites like Tagged.com or Thai Lust Links, or whatever, the Internet has made possible all sorts of assignations that render a bar essentially a quaint holdover to an earlier time, when the Internet or even the telephone was less optimal in enabling the delivery of willing and able-bodied young women (or, in Stickman’s case, young ladyboys) to a man’s doorstep.

By extension, it may be argued that the whole red light mirage in Thailand may soon find itself evaporating in the humid night air along with the decline of the structures that support it, namely the old Western men who will (and have) been expiring in the Land of Vertical Smiles while pursuing the brown nymphs of the rice fields. When will the property values of the red light districts in Bangkok surpass any conceivable business reasons to maintain brothel bars for the long-term?  In our estimate, the time has already come.

The View from Above

Bangkok Eyesore Revisited

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2012 by สะพานลอย

Recently, Saphan Loy paid a visit to William R. Morledge to see how his little corner of Bangkok has been and to determine via textual analysis whether he has kicked his Ketamine habit. What we discovered there, in that luridly designed throwback to the dawn of World Wide Web page construction, was that it is clear that the Ketamine has taken its toll, and much like Dean Barrett (another geriatric “webmaster”), whose rants about Muslims are bizarre reminders of his mental deterioration, has resorted to a long paranoid essay on the arrival of “Big Brother”, the collection of online data in vast server farms, and the ability of the television set to transmit signals directly to his brain.

The content of the latest Morledge essay is in striking contrast to the normally banal photographs of neon signs that had been his hallmark for many years. It indicates to Saphan Loy that, in effect, his mental illness has had a sudden onset, and it is only a matter of time before he is transferred to the funny farm where he may spend the remainder of his days heavily medicated, drooling, staring at his shoes, and cutting his salisbury steak with a plastic, unserrated knife.

Evidence of a diseased mind at Bangkok Eyesore.

Just who is this Morledge character?  William R. Morledge is an example of what naturally happens after prolonged exposure to the red light districts of Thailand. It may even be the result of tertiary syphilis, which attacks the brain of the infected individual in its final, untreated stages. One wonders, really, if Morledge, Dean Barrett, Big Baby Kenny Ng, Stephen Blather, and Chris Coles have formed a support group for those coping with the disease, as their collective output seems to show clear signs of the affliction.

Nonetheless, there is something intrinsically disturbing when one stumbles upon the website of a deranged “webmaster”, to use Stickman’s oft-repeated phrase. Since websites and blogs about Thai red light districts are often the haunt of the lonely, the unstable, and the sociopathic, when their creators evidence the kind of madness found at Bangkok Eyesore, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. After all, one can sustain a lifestyle predicated on congress with people in an illegal transnational sex trade for only so long. But in our years of reportage on the red light bloggers, “webmasters”, scribblers, dabblers, peddlers, doodlers, barkers, punters, pushers, bunglers, and farters, William R. Morledge is illustrating the rule rather than the exception.

Big Baby Kenny Ng’s Site Just Got Dirtier.

Speaking of infected scribblers, Saphan Loy would be remiss in not mentioning that Professor Ng’s site has been zapped by an ugly bug, the kind that does not respond at all to antibiotics. As BDK has published, the site is appearing in all major search engines as something that could harm your computer, whereas before, a visit to BigBabyKenny merely insulted one’s intelligence.

For the record, Saphan Loy does not condone cyber attacks of this kind. But were we to make a prediction, it would be that, because these kinds of problems are often intractable, and given Ng’s dogged persistence in making an ape’s ass out of himself, we would look for an all new Kenny Ng URL in the future and a squeaky clean slate, since that is usually what happens when one has been surfing the Internet looking for Hot Anal Asian Action, and discovers that the tasty thumbnail depicting a Tokyo stewardess ravaged by black men instead delivers a nasty venereal surprise directly to your hard-drive.

The View from Above

Saphan Loy’s Summer Reading List: The Collected Works of Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng

Posted in สะพานลอย with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2012 by สะพานลอย

The summer has been a great time to relax, unwind, and lounge by the swimming pool with Lek who dutifully ensures that my ice and alcohol are always freshened in this dubious cocktail I am now holding and considering in the hot summer sun. But summer is also a time for reading, and Saphan Loy’s reading list is extensive and varied. When I am not reading Stickman’s up-to-date and often astonishing accounts of what is happening in the Thai red light districts, I may tuck into a good novel by Dostoevsky, or a narrative history of the Javanese, or even the latest copy of Foreign Affairs.

But this summer, we tried something quite different, and quite revealing at the same time. I dispatched Lek to the local library to conduct a bit of research. Namely, we wanted to consult the corpus of economic writings by Big Baby Kenny Ng, and to see how his views in these journal articles and book reviews (for he has yet to write a monograph) complement his thoughts and feelings on the pay for play sex scene in Thailand.

Granted, this may not be productive summer reading, but it was nonetheless worth doing. Lek and I are no experts on economic history, but we know a thing or two about Thailand and its sexpat culture, so the comparison actually proved quite fruitful. However, Lek was a bit peeved that she had to give up her Thai lakorn consumption for an afternoon or two while she toiled away in the library, but it certainly forced her to practice her English with the exasperated reference librarian. Plus, she was amply rewarded upon her return with a fifty dollar bill and the directive to go and buy herself some new lingerie.

Professor Big Baby Ng has not produced many articles at all, relative to his career as a professor of economics. From the years 1988 to 2003, Lek found evidence of but one paper that was authored solely by him called “Free Banking Laws and Barriers to Entry in Banking, 1838-1860” which was published in the Journal of Economic History in 1988. It appears that the Big Baby Kenny Ng preferred, rather, to publish works with co-authors, likely assigning the lion’s share of the work to them. In addition, his academic output seems to have disappeared altogether in 2003 likely coinciding with his increased interest in the red light districts of Asia.

For example, Ng and Dennis Halcoussis published “Determinants of the Level of Public School Discrimination, 1885-1930” in 2003 in the Journal of Education Finance. In 1993 he and Nancy Virts, his colleague at California State University at Northridge, published “The Black-White Income Gap in 1880” in Agricultural History. Ng and Virts also had earlier published “The Value of Freedom” together in the Journal of Economic History in 1989.

Given Ng’s impoverishment of analytic skills when it comes to the people, religion, culture, and prostitutes of Thailand, it is not surprising that he required a co-author for these relatively short journal articles. One can only imagine the amount of work that Professor Virts had to shoulder as she labored away at the typewriter while Kenny played poker or visited Los Angeles massage parlors.

At any rate, Lek found evidence for no less than four book reviews by Big Baby Kenny Ng. These are interesting for a variety of reasons, chief among them the fact that he generally cares for none of the books he has been tasked with reviewing. He especially took aim at one book The Causes of the 1929 Stock Market Crash: A Speculative Orgy or a New Era? by Harold Bierman Jr. by wondering what constitutes a “speculative orgy.” While Bierman blames a “speculative orgy” for the 1929 Stock Market Crash, Ng sees it differently. He believes there is no difference between market dynamics in the stock market, and a “speculative orgy.”

Saphan Loy believes that Ng really just wanted an opportunity to use the word “orgy” several times.

Professor Big Baby uses the word “orgy” five times in his book review.

Which brings us to the final book review that Saphan Loy and Lek found most insightful. In his review of The Wealth of Races: The Present Value of Benefits from Past Injustices. Contributions in Afro-American and African Studies edited by Richard America, and which Ng reviewed in the Journal of Southern History in 1994, Big Baby Kenny Ng takes on what must have been the rather contentious issue of reparations to blacks for the injustice of slavery.

His position regarding reparations (i.e., retro-payment for the ancestors of former slaves): Let them eat cake. He asks,

What peculiar notion of social justice is served by taxing recent immigrants from Korea, Hong Kong, or Vietnam, whose ancestors had no role in creating, maintaining, or ending slavery to compensate living blacks for the enslavement of their dead great-great-great-great-great grandfathers?

Later, Ng oddly brings up the Jews. He says, oh, leaping ahead to 1969 for the sake of argument that:

In 1969 Jewish family income was 172 percent of the national average. In the same year, Japanese, Polish, Chinese, Italian, and German income was 132 percent, 115 percent, 112 percent, and 107 percent of family income respectively. Does this mean that Jews are responsible for the lower incomes of Japanese families, Polish families responsible for Chinese income, and on and on?

That Kenny. Always using his crazy figures to make an outrageous and ill-conceived point. He further goes on to say in effect that a lot of white Americans died in the Civil War. In a particularly morbid calculation, Big Baby Kenny states that one white Union soldier was killed for every six freed slaves. Furthermore, he maintains and that in the reconstruction period in the South, “freed blacks experienced enormous economic benefits — enough to provide each black family in 1986 with an annual annuity of $43,000 to $74,000.”

Whoa! That be like hittin’ the lottery, mofo!

Ng has a fondness for the gratuitous use of figures that rarely add up (remember his estimate that there are nearly 7 million transgender male-to-females in Thailand alone?) Then again, Ng has a thing for slaves and money. He in fact compared Thai office girls to “slaves making the middle passage” in this gem where he observes them:

…packed like slaves making the middle passage bus ride to their 3000 THB/ month room with no toilet on the outskirts of Bangkok after grinding out 10 hours a day six days a week for barely enough money to pay rent, eat cheap street food, and the monthly treat of KFC and a movie and wish you had a way to scoop a couple of juicy ones out of the stream just like the grizzly paws out some prime salmon for his daily feast.

It may be concluded that Professor Big Baby Kenny Ng objects to historical reparations for slavery if only because such a payment should logically come in exchange for the sexual gratification of his genitals. All this talk of slaves and money has raised one important question that Ng has yet to answer. What about reparations for a sex slave? Were she not fitted with a ball gag, perhaps we could ask Elana.

Sex slaves deserve recompense too.

The View from Above